This is something I wrote in the middle of the night, struggling with the difficulties of being patient through heart break and uncertainty and insecurity and such. Wondering how long things would take, which direction to go, etc etc. Hope this helps someone.
430am again - up praying again - on my face again - De'ja Vous
Wait again. I hear. How many people hear this from God all the time like I do?
I pray, I hear wait. He speak's silently, I listen quietly, even the angels long to hear...
No great storehouse of knowledge this time around, just... wait. Thanks. This time I don't even know what I am waiting for, in alot of ways. Oh it's not indecision by any means, the decisions have NOTHING to do with my desires or choices. Those we're taken from me. Or actually, more likely, never mine to begin with - and rightly so.
There's things that CANNOT wait, like getting my affairs in order, getting things accomplished with the business, handling the issues with my kids and the divorce, yeh all that is rush rush. I get that. But this wandering around in a desert with a half broken/half healed/half broken/half healed confused bitter heart - what am I to learn from this?
Everyone hurts right? Sometimes we bring it on ourselves, sometimes we don't. I am broken right now. I am holding the pieces of my heart in my hands, sorting through them trying to figure out how they all go back together. And no one seems to want to lend a hand making sense of it all. Can you trust a person with a broken heart? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! I AM SITTING HERE FEELING EMOTIONAL DEATH!!!! WHY WOULD I INFLICT THAT ON SOMEONE ELSE??????? Yeh.... so i guess the only thing to be afraid of with me is getting your hands dirty trying to help put me back together. Oh for shame. Let's not get egg on our hands putting humpty dumpty back together again now...
And it's NOT just guy/girl stuff. It's stuff with the kids, how do I deal with the seperation from my kids at times when they aren't here, how do I deal with oh this and that and whatnot and everything.
So I sit here wondering, am I all like unstable or something? I'm a mental case? Am I emotionally crippled? Am I spiritually shot to hell? He who began a good work in you will carry it through to completion in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. - so No. I am a work in progress. I've had some irratic emotions lately, some strange thoughts have crossed my mind, i've had doubts come and go, but hmmm... I wonder how many Mirages moses set out after wandering the desert, how many times he felt anger at his situation, how many times he doubted the lord's goodness and purpose for his life during all those years, Hey I am in good company - and I don't even have sand blowin in my face... yet.
So I get *wait*. Wait for the bad things to pass? Wait to heal? Wait for the good things to come? Everytime I get this *wait* thing, I get blown out of the water shortly thereafter - and it's NOT always good - there's always a point which is good, but it's not always what I am expecting - rarely is. But sometimes it's something so amazing that it drives me to tears. Shall we wait and see?
I am NOT a patient person at times, especially when in turmoil. I seem to get fixated on something until I find the solution. Well, for now, I will solve the things that are in my power and ability to solve, and for the rest.... I'll wait. And the biggest kicker for Mr. Speed demon here is that you can't hurry up and wait...
And I'll pray. And hope, And dream, And keep moving forward towards my pillar of fire at night and cloud by day - and wait. - for the promised land (rom 8:28)
I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.
When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.
"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me."
He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."
Hi Tristan. I can certainly relate to what you're going through. I find myself in that place often enough to lose sleep over it.
Wait - that word, Wait, sometimes drives me crazy. I can also be impatient at times. I know it's best to WAIT on the Lord for he knows what's best for us. Also, WAIT on His timing not mine can sometimes drive me crazy. It's really hard sometimes, ya know! But then I realize, I did it my way and it didn't work out. So, now I trust my Lord Jesus Christ in every aspect of my life. He's faithful and true. He loves us unconditionally. With Jesus on our side, we can't lose.
So be strong my brother and pray. I will also pray for you. Oh, and I will also like to share some words of letting go past hurts and pains with you. This has really helped me. Please read:
Let It Go
There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.
I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you.
I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anyone that left.
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over.
And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over, so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something.
I've got the gift of good-bye. I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have, He'll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat, I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go.
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to let it go.
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains, let it go.
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth, let it go.
If someone has angered you, let it go.
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge, let it go.
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction, let it go.
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents, let it go.
If you have a bad attitude, let it go.
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better, let it go.
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him, let it go.
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship, let it go.
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves, let it go.
If you're feeling depressed and stressed, let it go.
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to let it go.
Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. Let it go. God is doing a new thing in you.
Get Right or Get Left...think about it and then let it go.
When I lost my husband, I found myself praying that the days would go fast so that I could get to the place where it didn't hurt to breath anymore.
For the longest time I was nearly paralysed and I just spoke into the air "What am I gonna do now?" Over and over I said that, then one day, I said it to God. "God, what am I gonna do now?"
Just as you would take a blanket and throw it off of you, He opened my life to me. He revealed to me I could still be whatever I wanted to be. (My children are grown) The only responsibility I have is to God. (My mother still lives and I do have that responsibility)
When Moses led the people out of Egypt, Deut. says 'He brought them out to bring them in'. So to be led into something new that God has in store for us, we must come out from where we are. It is hard. Too hard sometimes. I long for the familiar, but it is not to be found.
As you 'wait', remember that God is taking you thru this wilderness and He will keep you. You are becoming the man He wants you to be for the next person He puts in your life.
Thank you ALL for the loving words of encouragement.
It means alot to me, I love the people here and these forums.
Sorry I have not been as active lately on them, but I have been a bit fixated on my own problems and not thinking enough of others.
As the days go by, I can feel his healing hand.
I had an awesome time tonight in the live chat over 40 here with some dear freinds praying for me, thank you keys, joe, jenna, sweet, and anyone else i missed. And thanks JC for the late night phone call and prayer brother, you and I are right there together aren't we?
Tristan, my heart goes out to you and I'm praying for you. When I get impatient and wonder what in the world God is doing, I like to read through the Psalms . . . it seems we're not the only ones who got impatient with God and cried out to him. I think it's good to bring our petitions before God - he wants us to cry out to him when we desparately need him. My favorite is Psalm 13, It begins: "How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?" And Psalm 40:1 is a great encouragement because it reminds us that God really does hear us: "I watied patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry." I hope things get better for you very soon - I sense in my heart that you are a genuine man of God and He is waiting for just the right moment to bless you beyond anything you could even imagine!
Way to show Tristan some love everybody! I just had to give you all props for that. & - Singlerose...you're on point. I've seen you enouraging a lot of ppl on this site..keep it coming!!!
*Tristan..don't stop waiting. I haven't been in a serious relationship for about 8 years now, so my waiting time has been tough, painful, almost hopeless feeling @ times. In that way, I can relate. I know your situation is totally different. But, it's in all that waiting & pain, God is making you more like Him, you're His son & He sees you, knows exactly where you're at.
I'm very new to this site but I will be praying for you! Thank you for your transparency and openness. We need that in the kingdom...REALITY infused with God's TRUTH.
Psalm 103:1-8
1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
God bless you, keep you and cause His face to shine upon you!
I know what you mean and understand how you feel. I never really had luck in relationships, and even when i did, it all turned out bad. I figure, if God doesnt want you to be with someone, ur not gonna be with them. My age shouldnt fool you, I'm older than you think.
God looks at time differently than we do, 1 second is a thousand years to God, and a thousand years one second.
God will do for us what he thinks is best, but in HIS time.
"REASONINGS" cause deception by: Joyve Meyer! (I'm not clever enough to come up with something on my own so I found this! lol)
The only hope of not being decieved these days is to learn to walk by the spirit--to be led by the spirit, not by the flesh. Satan is looking for carnel christians who are led by their head, their emotions and their own will rather than by the word and the spirit. We cannot take action because we feel like it or do not feel like it. We must, for the sake of the kingdom and for our own protection, take action that is spirit led.
The mind likes to slot everything. It wants to find some place to put everything so that it seems to make sense and to be taken care of. We do not like unanswered questions. One of the tools the spirit uses to crucify our flesh is unanswered questions. When we do not know the answer, we have to either trust God, or worry and try to figure it out. so your best bet Is to trust God!
