I find myself fearful of the unknown again. Withdrawn into my intrinsically introverted core. Overwhelmed by what the future may hold. Wishing the past could be erazed and re-lived differently. Wishing it were all a dream and wake up to reality as it was meant to be.
Not enjoying fellowship with the father as I love to. Devotions full of petitions, but void of trust in the Father who loves me more than I could ever comprehend, and will not withhold from me anything good.
Have you been there before? I am 'there' right now. It could be the departure of the avalanche of family I so thoroughly enjoyed the last several days leading up to July 4th, until today. Yes, it could be the now quiet house. Or perhaps the connectedness this particular set of guests had, to the beginnings of what should have been. Or maybe just the stress of single parenting, or the effects of so much activity over so many months � new job, relocation, still church-hunting�
But if God has promised a restoration, why is it so hard to trust? Or what would that restoration look like? Are there really men who love their woman as Christ loves the church, or are they so "fallen-wired� that they would always use women, even if the woman were beyond Proverbs 31? Do men even love women remotely close to how Christ loves the church- Just a simple partnership of friendship in relationship/marriage? Are there really men who are Godly to the core?
Yeah, I am such an analyst - Trusting once was hard, trusting again is seeming to be hard again the last few days. Its been a LONG WHILE I felt this way and I thought I never would again. Well, here I am, frail and childish in the hands of my father. Oh, daddy, how I long to just know your plans in entirety of details!
How I long to know. Just to Know! Just like your Son may have longed in the garden of Gethsemane ? How hard that must have been! Having become fully man and disconnected from the privileges of divinity. How hard it must have been, knowing He must die, and wishing the cup be removed! Oh Lord Jesus, I TOTALLY feel you, and wish the same right now! That the cup be removed.
Have you been there before and been restored? Was it beyond your wildest dreams? Please share!
Struggling, but moving �forpward� (forward and upward), howbeit REALLY slow right now!
I, like you, have the promise of restoration. I have grown weary of the waiting.
In Psalm 77, David had grown weary. In verse 10 he began to shake himself and call to remembrance the former things and how our Father had blessed him.
A few days ago someone viewed my profile and when I viewed his, there was a scripture listed. When I looked it up, I regained a little of the strength I had lost. Psalm 51:12-13, Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free free spirit.(13)Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners will be converted unto thee.
I had begun to doubt my calling!
I may not be fully restored, but I am encouraged just to know He knew that I needed a little lift.
I still find it amazing that God Almighty knows who I am!........ Me!..... And He knows YOU!
Dear God, Keep this little lady in the palm of Your hand and cover her with the other. In Jesus' name, Amen.
