Ok, this one is going to be a long story. I met a woman from Austria through a friend. He told her of his Christian friend, and she wanted to talk to me. We started talking alittle, then over the next few months, started talking every moment of the day that we could. We really enjoyed talking to each other, getting to know one another better. I was the first one she opened up to about issues of her past. So I knew she had some issues, but honestly, who doesnt?
Then she bought her plane ticket, we continued talking for the next few months, she had told me she would marry me if I asked her, I told her to slow down. She also told me 7 reasons why she would marry me.
Ok she flew here in December of last year, for 3 weeks during Christmas and new years. She arrived on a Friday night. She was exhausted from the long flight. We hugged for no less than an hour, just did not want to let go of one another, it was our first time being in one anothers arms. I got brave and asked her if it was to soon to kiss, I got my reward for asking, Im a shy guy, this was my first date in 8 years! Anyway, was going great, I made her breakfast the next morning, spent the day together just talking and hanging out around the house. That evening, read in Romans outloud cuddled up on the couch, she fell asleep in my arms, figured it was my monotone voice. Next day went to church, afterwards went out to eat and go to the local mall to show her around some. Again read outloud in Romans that evening, her falling asleep in my arms.
Next morning, when she came downstairs, she looked at me, started crying, saying she does not deserve me, that I should hate her because she can not love me. I walked over, put my arms around her, told her its ok, I cant make you love me, just show you that I do love you. I took her to the creation museum nearby that afternoon. I was still going to show her an amazing time here in America, if she loved me or not.
When we got home, I fixed her dinner, afterwards I told her that I love her, she came over and gave me a kiss. we started making out on the couch, only thing we refrained from was sex. Things seemed to be going wonderful, took her all over the city to different events and activies, wanted her to have an amazing time here. We would cuddle and read in the bible in the evenings, and afterwards make out, not going into what all was done, but still refrained from having sex, though we came close to many nights. She started telling me how much she loved me, but could not marry me yet. I treated her like a princess, she was the woman I knew I was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with.
We spent 3 amazing weeks together, when she flew home we continued talking daily, wasnt until her birthday that things started going down hill, and fast. She told me I needed to stop loving her, that I was going to eventually anyway. I stuck with her, knowing her past, she has alot of abandonment issues. during the summer, she stopped talking to me at all.
We started talking again in July, and picked up like nothing had happened, we forgave each other and went from there. We have now been talking for over a year, consider each other best friends. But she is now telling me that I need to meet other women, not to wait on her, because she can not love me with all of her heart as I deserve. I told her I love her, and she went off, saying I have to stop loving her, it is not to be, that its not me, but her. That she simply cant love me.
Im at a loss, shes an amazing woman, she has a troubled past, I pray for her daily to recieve God's healing.
We still talk some, not as often because of new work schedules.
I just do not know what to do, take a hint and try to find someone else? Or show her I am the only man besides Jesus that wont leave her, though she says I am wasting my time and there is no future between us, just a good friendship.
I believed her when she could look me in the eyes, and tell me how deeply she was in love with me. Did she fall out of love that easily?
Wow Joseph, that is a very heartbreaking story. But, my guess (and that's all it is) would be that she was quite sincere when she said she Loved you. But, may have found that it was friend love, not passion love. You are probably very good for her emotionally, yet I feel that she is not so good for you emotionally. If you had someone else in your life, she would be like the friend that you tell everything too. I would suggest that you begin to start looking around, and see what's out there. You may not be ready for a deep and meaningful relationship yet, but it is time to at least start paying attention again. LOL!! I know easy to say, harder to do.
Dear brother, I want to ask u if u prayed to know God's will in your situation? may be her change is a sign from Him NOT to continue in this relationship wasting, or consuming your feelings & effort.
I assure u, partners that are sent before God, come to our life with non-fading joy, also peace that increases when u pray, no puzzles involved.
Take your time, pray & ask others to pray for u. I'm sure u will get the answers u need.
We have both prayed about our relationship that we had. She says she has no peace with either answer, to either continue it or break it off. She simply has no peace. So she ended it, said we will only be friends. We have even tried taking a break and stop talking to one another, but we always return to talking. Maybe we will be friends for life. We enjoy talking to one another, we are both like minded and still talk all day when we get the chance. Neither of us wants to stop talking. Yet if I am with someone else, the woman I am with, needs to replace her as my best friend, and the one I talk to about everything. How can I remain friends with someone I had such a relationship with when Im with someone else, and not have the new woman jealous? I am faithful to my heart, if I fall for someone else, I am hers alone. But would she be jealous if I continued talking to someone I was once so deeply in love with, though we are now, just friends? My friend told me she sees no reason to end our friendship even when I do find someone else, that if she can not trust me when Im talking with her, that its not going to be a healthy relationship due to that lack of trust or jealousy.
Joseph, it seems to me that somehow u answered all the questions. In my humble opinion, I think u can't have a romantic relation & passion, then try to turn it into friendship. There will be always " WHAT IF ", who needs that ?! specially that I sense u want to move on, and find another woman.
U 're right, absolutely no woman would accept that frienship of yours knowing your history with that lady, put yourself in her shoes! it's not about jealousy or lack of trust, but because such relations sometimes might trap u in a triangular anguish, the enemy is so clever to let u convinced for a while that there is no reason to stop having her in your life just as a friend, but can u GUARANTEE that ?
You sought her love, wanted to marry her, not only be friends with her , but she couldn't give u that, why u compromise my friend? why u still holding on to her? I'm confused, are u still in love with her? why u're giving much attention and consideration? Sometimes we just need to let go , and give ourselves some space for new possiblities.
She prayed, had no peace. What about u? Did u get a clear answer from the Lord? if not, then pray again until He delivers u from this weight.
You are absolutely right. I am still in love with her :'(
I have no idea how to fall out of love, do I try to convience myself that I hate her instead?? Ive prayed and prayed about what to do. Im not sure if it was me replying to myself or not, the answer I got, was do not abandon her. Yet she tells me absolutely nothing is going to change, and she can not love me.
I suppose I get mixed signals from her? Why cant she let go, when I have told her she is the one that will have to do so because of my feelings for her. We will still talk all day and night at times. She will start talking to me, and we will end up talking all day, and often times, I look down at the clock later, seeing it is 2 or 3 am her time, and I tell her she has to get to bed and get rest.
At one point, shes told me I have to be the one to end our friendship, that she is not going to be the bad guy and feel guilty over it. The most I was able to do was suggest taking a break from talking to each other for a while, maybe not talking for a few months, I will be able to fall out of love with her........ did not happen. :(
I honestly do not know how to resolve this. Was it me saying do not abandon her, subconsciously, when I pray because thats what I truly want, is to be with her? I pray and do not get an answer that I should cut her loose. Why can she not say goodbye either? Though I know confussion is not of God.
Who is the advisary attacking, me or her, or both?
Talking to her about it, she gets upset, says we have talked about this before. We have to much unresolved, and she wont talk to me about it! She just asks me to stop loving her, and find someone else. That she is not able to have a relationship at this time, but I should not wait on her, because she does not know the future but currently cant love me and may never be able to. But I can not move on to being with someone else, unless I can let go of her completely, so I can give my heart to someone else.
do exactly what she says. say goodbye. do a search here and start talking to other girls.
God may wake her up to a love with you. Or He may bring someone new into your life.
i wonder if she has a borderline personality disorder. i dealt with many of them in a prior profession. and even though what they said does not add up rationally in our minds, it sure does in their's.
give her what she wants. and stop all communication. you are not going to change anyone. but God can if it is in His will.
pray and see what His will is...
you may be very blessed in moving on... much more than you will ever imagine if i am right.
Dear brother,yours is a long distance love and more complicated than when you are few hours away. Communicating through mails offer lots of advantages and disadvantages. One thing is that you get to learn about each other intellectually as it is easier to open up with someone who is just a voice or mail or a virtual person... one builds hope and expectations based on the knowledge and feelings you built in your mind from that many months of virtual contact. the downside is.. it is very easy to fall into our own preconceived ideas on who the person is...
There should be no talk of marriage before the meeting but allow some time for each other to think and pray after the meeting ...i think thats only fair to both. Then when the feeling is still there and there is peace and joy in both your hearts (i agree with Phoebe that a relationship according to the will of God comes with lots of joy and peace..) it has to be soaked in prayer by both parties for marriage is very important as it is a commitment for life. There should be peace to both parties and confirmation to both hearts.
To make it short... let go of her brother.Praise God and give your pain to Jesus .Forgive her and thank her for the chance of knowing her then cut it off. The best way to forget her is to stop talking to her.
Yes, the line... its me and not you is just a way for her to break off without carrying too much a burden of hurting you.To say lets be friends is not fair to you at this stage as you are not cutting the thread between you so you cant move on.
I pray that the peace of God that passeth all understanding shall keep your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.
You all are right, I just needed to hear it. God works through others often, and I needed to have rational intelligent people like you all talk to me. This is not going to be easy, as I have allowed myself to become so attached to her. But yes, it is very unhealthy for me, to be friends, with someone I desired to be with, who rejected my love. Being friends with her did not allow me to cut my heart loose. This is going to be difficult as I enjoy talking with her, but always leaves me questioning, what if. Ive tried showing her I am not like other men in her life, who leave her, that I am still here through all of her issues.
Im not going to die just becuase I am not with someone, I do not need a woman to survive, but I do desire a wife, kids, love, family. I want an amazing Christian woman, who can love me. I will continue growing closer to Christ, and allow this to happen in His timing. Thank you everyone be blessed.
No Joseph, u can't convince yourself to hate her, that would be an extreme. How come? I wonder if u can't convince yourself to leave her, how u'll be able to hate her?
We all have times when we keep praying about something but in a certain direction. Like going to a doctor with a body ache, but telling him what to write down in my prescription!
You want to know God's will, He'll never astray u. He is not going to tell u don't abandon her, on the other hand, she tells u absolutely nothing is going to change& that she can't love u. As u said confusion is not of God. Things before God work in harmony.
Now, her mixed signals, she doesn't want to be the bad guy to end it...etc. all that would be better for both of u to put into some rational points, not to waste your energy & time on something going nowhere.
I can't tell u simply use a magic stick, so u wake up in the morning over her,but try to lessen your talking time. U seem very emotionally& mentally involved, so I don't recommend u start a new relation unless, u can completely let go, I agree with u on that.
U don't know what to do?! well, it sounds familiar, we all don't!! Just come to God the way u are, and KEEP ..KEEP ..KEEP praying even when u see nothing is changing inside of u, it's His responsibility to change your feelings when u can't on your own. Trust me, He will deliver u from your distress, as long as u ask, and let Him work .
God is faithful, the Bible says " And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, LORD, hast not forsaken them that seek thee".
If u want me to pray for u, I'll gladly do. The folks here are so wonderful, if u like just post a prayer request.
I can tell you from experience that yuo have your answer already.End the relationship. do not hate her simply love her enpough to do as she asks you.
DO NOT stay in contact with her it will only bind your heart to hers longer and will make new relationships unable to thrive. NO person should feel they are second in your heart to a past love.
