Thread: Oposite Sex Friends Within An Exclusive Relationship Heading Towrards Marriage.
Admin
Oposite Sex Friends Within An Exclusive Relationship Heading Towrards Marriage.
Posted : 11 Sep, 2009 10:53 AM
Should Their be boundaries where oposite sex friends are concerned, to keep the enemy from getting a foothold in a couples relationship or not? And if so what should they consist of?
I agree with Christian Psycologist Kevin Leman`s perspective boundaries. He has just two.
1) The oposite sex friends you were involved with datied/ were engaged too, or were intimate with in any form. Those oposite sex friends need to go. No contact with them. Unless they are the parent of a child in your current situation. And then only contact concerning the children.
2) Oposite sex friends you have never dated or been intimate with you can keep. But there needs to be boundaries their too. They are not allowed to call you or hang out with you without your sigingifent other with you. And you NEVER confide in them about anything concerning your relationshipwith your mate EVER.
I have found this to be a very hot topic with single/divorce,widowed Christian women. They rarely see it as a relationship protection and respect issue.
They almost always view it as a control issue, which it is not intended for. I have not gotten a mans perspective yet on it.
Almost all (93%) Christian couples I talked to about this issue agreed with the boundaries totally.
I welcome everyones viewpoints on this interesting subject.
Oposite Sex Friends Within An Exclusive Relationship Heading Towrards Marriage.
Posted : 18 Apr, 2010 02:33 PM
Well, I am torn on this subject because I am still friends with a man I used to be with when I was a drug addict. He is now a minister and married and has a beautiful daughter and even tho they live in California and me in Missouri, we are all still friends. The reason is this: he became born again while in prison and began praying for me and calling me and telling me the good news about Jesus. I was still lost in my addiction, but he didn't give up and kept praying and calling and talking until i began to feel convicted every time I would use. Finally I prayed the prayer of salvation with him over the phone, and have walked with Jesus ever since. He is still one of my spiritual advisers, and has his own church in California, and many times over the last few years I have been blessed to have him and his beautiful sweet wife help me through tough situations. My daughter and I have visited them and stayed in their house when we did, and I consider his wife one of my best friends.
I personally don't think a married person should hang out alone with someone of the opposite sex and I wouldn't hang out with my friend without his wife there. I think that's just asking for trouble in any relationship...however, i also don't think I should give up the friendship of the man who brought me to Jesus, as long as his wife is ok with us being friends, and luckily she is...
Oposite Sex Friends Within An Exclusive Relationship Heading Towrards Marriage.
Posted : 8 Jun, 2010 05:01 AM
It may be OK in your rationalizing that it is safe because he is so far away and he is a minister, and married. But life has a way of changing, and if it did could you cut the soul tie that you have developed? That would be the real question in your case. I for one would not want to have to make that choice. I would rather it not have been an option in the first place. That is why I agree with Dr. Leeman`s responses.
Oposite Sex Friends Within An Exclusive Relationship Heading Towrards Marriage.
Posted : 25 Sep, 2010 07:05 AM
It all depends on circumstancial situations. But if one of them is not is any relationship and is a good or best friend of the other who is in a relationship, they are heading down a dangerous slope because one of them is most probably going to develop feelings whether they like it or not. Then it is too late.
On the other hand, if they are both in an exclusive relationship, they can't go to function or, let's say a picnic together while their respective spouses are at work, because they will begin there very innocently with the best of intentions of friendship. But again, because they are carnal in nature, at one point, one of them will begin to create doubts about their other relationship, you know, the one relationship that they have made a commitment to?
Usually, the man will sink knee-deep into trouble before he starts trying to dig his way out, but by then, it's too late. The feelings or carnal desires are implanted. If a woman starts to have feelings first, it is because there is something missing in her relationship with her husband and should definitely not be going out on outings or to the mall with the other guy because she is in a fragile situation, even though it starts off with the best of intentions.
If both are in a stable relationship, why begin? EVEN SMOKEY THE BEAR CAN CAUSE A FOREST FIRE!!! YOU MIGHT TO, WITHOUT WANTING TO.
Because men need respect and women need love (Eph. 5), I think men are more likely to fall, even with the best of intentions. Talking with experience (honorable though), I could never "hang out" with a girl when I was young nor can I "hang out" today at 51 years old, because I developed feeling when I was a younger man and got hurt many a time. I know myself. It will happen again IF I am alone with her many many times. Even with the BESTEST OF BEST INTENTIONS. Going out just once I believe is ok. But that's it.
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY THIS, BUT, WE NEED A CHAPERON. Maybe there is something to this that the old folks knew! Old knowledge can't be all old ways of thinking.
So, go out in couples, go out as a third wheel, but never alone with a person who is already in an exclusuve relationship.
