Author	Thread: Oposite Sex Friends Within An Exclusive Relationship Heading Towrards Marriage.
Admin	Oposite Sex Friends Within An Exclusive Relationship Heading Towrards Marriage. Posted : 11 Sep, 2009 10:53 AM Should Their be boundaries where oposite sex friends are concerned, to keep the enemy from getting a foothold in a couples relationship or not? And if so what should they consist of? I agree with Christian Psycologist Kevin Leman`s perspective boundaries. He has just two. 1) The oposite sex friends you were involved with datied/ were engaged too, or were intimate with in any form. Those oposite sex friends need to go. No contact with them. Unless they are the parent of a child in your current situation. And then only contact concerning the children. 2) Oposite sex friends you have never dated or been intimate with you can keep. But there needs to be boundaries their too. They are not allowed to call you or hang out with you without your sigingifent other with you. And you NEVER confide in them about anything concerning your relationshipwith your mate EVER. I have found this to be a very hot topic with single/divorce,widowed Christian women. They rarely see it as a relationship protection and respect issue. They almost always view it as a control issue, which it is not intended for. I have not gotten a mans perspective yet on it. Almost all (93%) Christian couples I talked to about this issue agreed with the boundaries totally. I welcome everyones viewpoints on this interesting subject. God Bless You ALL. Post Reply
View Profile History	Oposite Sex Friends Within An Exclusive Relationship Heading Towrards Marriage. Posted : 11 Sep, 2009 02:30 PM I think boundaries are a good thing. You do not want to be emotionally attached to more then one person at the same time. I think each situation is different but you should be careful who you spend time with. With regard to the two rules; I think contact with people you have been close should be kept to a minimum, but not always no contact because at the end of the day both of you should be brother and sister in Christ. For the other rule I would not advise hanging out with someone of the opposite sex on your own regularly unless you are dating them. If you are in a relationship, you want to safeguard against other people getting in the way of the relationship growing. God Bless Post Reply
Linnie41 View Profile History	Oposite Sex Friends Within An Exclusive Relationship Heading Towrards Marriage. Posted : 11 Sep, 2009 05:27 PM Sacred Warrior, I agree with you completely, totally, absolutely, without a doubt, 100%!!! It is NOT a control issue, it's a matter of respect for the person you're with. I've done rounds with people about this - but it all boils down to meaning it when you say someone is #1 in your life (next to God, of course). Good post - I hope everyone here reads this one. Blessings! Lynn Post Reply
View Profile History	Oposite Sex Friends Within An Exclusive Relationship Heading Towrards Marriage. Posted : 20 Sep, 2009 10:56 AM I just came from a meet and greet at our local Christian book store with Point Of Grace and Mark Schultz. I posed this topic to them and they all agreed with the boundaries the Dr. Leman proposed. And they also agreed with the degree to which those boundaries are set as well. That was very encouraging. They even went so far as to call them Godly boundaries. I mentioned to them that some of the Christian women I have mentioned this topic to saw it as controlling and manipulative and they all said that those woman need not be considered for a possible mate. They even went so far as to say that those women may not even be genuinely saved. I thought this was AWESOME! Post Reply
TaxMan View Profile History	Oposite Sex Friends Within An Exclusive Relationship Heading Towrards Marriage. Posted : 21 Sep, 2009 12:09 PM I've been called simple for lesser things, but if you are just friends with the person, why would the boundaries be any different than they would be with a same sex friend? I wouldnt hold my best friend's hand...so why would I do that to a female who's also a friend? I wouldnt make a point of sitting next to him when we grab a bite to eat. I wouldnt make a point of moving conversation to a sexual nature, etc, etc. On the other hand, I wouldnt make a point of NOT doing something with a female friend that I would do with my best friend...well, ok, ok. I would go to the best friend and spend a week with him (he lives outta state) and I dont see myself doing that with a female friend. Did I totally miss the point?? Post Reply
View Profile History	Oposite Sex Friends Within An Exclusive Relationship Heading Towrards Marriage. Posted : 21 Sep, 2009 04:57 PM I do not think you missed the point. Its just that your boundaries are different is all. And your entitled to have your own viewpoint. Thanks for your input. Post Reply
View Profile History	Oposite Sex Friends Within An Exclusive Relationship Heading Towrards Marriage. Posted : 22 Sep, 2009 04:48 PM Where relationships are concerned (which are between two people, mother-son, father-son, brother-brother, brother-sister, wife-husband, fiancee-fiancee) there should be boundaries. Especially in marriage. When in married out don't go discussing your relationship with outsiders. If there is a problem in the marriage, you're supposed to speak about it to one another, not go to your (opposite sex) friend about it. That usually always results in BIG trouble and infidelity. Emotional cheating which usually leads to physical cheating, which makes life all the more worse. I wouldn't do it. In my opinion, having friends of any sex is fine, but be wise. If you have a friend and you can't introduce them to your spouse, that it a huge problem. Also, boundaries would include being alone with this person. It's silly to go over your friend's house and spend time alone with them just to hang out. "Stuff just happens" the only excuse I ever hear people say. Stuff doesn't just happen, stupidity makes stuff happen. Respect for your wife/husband first, then friends. In the end, who's going to be at your bedside when you're dying, or who's going to bail you out of jail? Who is going to take care of the children? Who is going to stay up taking care of you when you're sick? Post Reply
TaxMan View Profile History	Oposite Sex Friends Within An Exclusive Relationship Heading Towrards Marriage. Posted : 25 Sep, 2009 01:25 PM People here just seem to get it. The post mentioning friends you cant introduce to your partner seems to cover it. Post Reply
View Profile History	Oposite Sex Friends Within An Exclusive Relationship Heading Towrards Marriage. Posted : 9 Oct, 2009 05:45 AM first off the one you are dating has to be a fellow believer and walking according to the spirit... we are not to be unequally yoked... we are not to commit fornication either the Word says for they will not enter the kingdom of heaven... i would not suggest a long courtship if you have a problem with lust they say it takes about six months for one to know if the other is right for them... pray with them read the Word with them see if they meet your needs in other ways .. sex takes practice and you'll have plenty of time for that after marriage... and remember there is no way out for two believers once they are married so be wise in your choice ...:purpleangel: Post Reply
View Profile History	Oposite Sex Friends Within An Exclusive Relationship Heading Towrards Marriage. Posted : 3 Nov, 2009 02:52 AM I agree whole heartedly with what you are saying. I had a difficult problem in that my husband actually never spoke to me about anything deeper than the weather, what was on tv or what was for dinner. So, when I realised something was seriously wrong, (he had cut me off emotionally and physically for over a month at this stage) I tried to get him to talk to me about it. Of course, that didn't happen. Here is where my problem is.... .. I actually went to a friend of his in the church. A Godly man who I had seen my husband sitting talking with. I went to him and said, "***** (my husband) needs a friend to talk to, I know you talk with him, can you help?" Now, I was going outside of the marriage to a male friend, and I made it clear there were problems. Now, the man said to me, " I am sorry, but someone could know your husband for 30 years and never really know him." So it didn't help, but, are you saying I did the wrong thing here? I am not baiting or picking a fight,... I really want to know. Not that it will happen again, as my husband did leave me. Wendy Post Reply
View Profile History	Oposite Sex Friends Within An Exclusive Relationship Heading Towrards Marriage. Posted : 22 Mar, 2010 03:07 PM I am in total agreement with Dr.Lehman. You are opening a door for Satan to put his foot in. Woman are generally drawn in by conversation and can easily become emotionally involved intentionally or otherwise. I think for either sex there would be a fine line about having friends of the opposite sex. Especially if there are problems within a marriage these shouldn't be discussed. It's the little foxes that eat at the vines. Don't even give the appearance of evil. Stay on guard and ask the Holy Spirit about those relationships. He will always guide you in the right direction. Post Reply

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