I have wanted to be married for quite some time. I reckon that much loneliness that I experience is due to the fact that I am ill equipped to have a proper debate with myself.
I was thinking today 'what can a single person do that it is hard for a married person to do.' I think that married people need to be more restricted by a schedule. Single folks can usually get by without needing to live by a strict schedule. Like if you get home from work and your friend asks you to do something, you might be able to put off going grocery shopping that day, but as a married person someone might be counting on you to go to the store...today!
I am not trying to bash marriage or singleness, I would just like to hear the pros and cons!
So please let me know of any variables that I might not have though about.
How does day to day life change after a person gets married>
I have enjoyed 33 single years so far. I agree with your example. I am extremely flexible. I also have a great knowledge of all of my income, and expeneses for a very long time into the future.
I also really enjoy being able to travel alone for weeks at a time withour having to discuss it with someone. I enjoy being able to open my home to my friends at all times without discussing it with a husband. I also like to eat meals at weird times during the day. I guess things like that would change.
Still I believe I will be happy to adjust into marriage if that happens for me. I will enjoy the structure and communication as well as the company. Still as an introvert I will have to make sure my husband understands that I will need a moment by myself during the day if we are both at home all day together. if I don't get a walk, or a car-ride alone I might go to the bathroom for a while, or hide in the bedroom for a while during the day to settle my own mind before engaging in fellowship with him again.
I am also a weirdo, so enjoying my alone time might be the hardest part of getting married.
I once talked to a married man that worked at two diffrent jobs. One job the man and his wife could work together, and the other job the man was a delivery driver. the man told me that his wife was able to have a few diffrent days where she could go shopping or whatever she wanted to do, but the guy never seemed to get time for him to unwind...so the guy told me that he just sat down with his wife and explained to her that he Loved being with he and he was glad that she wanted to spend every moment that the guy had available together, but the guy needed say one day a week to go golfing with his buddies (or what have you).
So I think that if a person honestly communicates within the context of a *healthy* relationship, then the other person should understand.
Also thank you for sharing because I enjoy knowing that singleness is a trade-off...most people know that singleness has its obvious downfalls, but single life is not all bad.
1. Marriage - yes, it can have more of a strict schedule than being single. But that can also be a good thing. Once youre married, you might find that some of the activities done as a single person may not be as fun anymore.
2. Income - Here is a testimony from a married male member from this site:
"It was a struggle at first when i got married. But i noticed my character gradually grow. Soon, my income doubled. Then tripled. And so on. And i keep stretching my mind to innovate in businesses and to start more ministries helping people. When i was single all i wanted to do was buy a bmw. Now as a married man, im planning to start a car dealership. My wife works but i choose to pay for everything. And it feels great!
It seems like a big part of my mind has been awakened. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing..proverbs" is so true. My listening skills quadrupled. My patience ---wow. When i was single, there was a lot of time for stagnance. But as a married guy, i feel like my heart can absorb the atlantic ocean. But i know i still have a lot to learn.
Yes, there is that danger of more women pursuing you. But you grow through that too. I dont miss being single (except that i had 6 pack abs but i can get that back). Yes, my time is limited. But it focuses my time more on the Great Commission.
But dont just get married. Get wisdom. If youre having a hard time, get mentored by christians who already succeeded.
Wisdom is a very vital skill set to have. To attract Wisdom into your life I recomend reading and re-reading the book of Proverbs. Because in the first few sentences of the book we are told that the book was written and is to be used like a sort of teaching tool:
Proverbs 1:1-7
1 The proverbs of Solomon, the son of David, king of Israel:
2 To know wisdom and instruction,
to perceive the words of understanding,
3 to receive the instruction of wisdom,
justice, judgment, and equity;
4 to give subtlety to the simple,
to the young man knowledge and discretion—
5 a wise man will hear and will increase learning,
and a man of understanding will attain wise counsel,
6 to understand a proverb and the interpretation,
the words of the wise and their riddles.
7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,
but fools despise wisdom and instruction.
I have also thought about how finances need to be viewed differently when there is two. It might not be something that a lot of single folks think about but 'the mismanagement of finances' is a big creator of tension in a marriage. Some people are 'savers' and some people are 'spenders'. To help stomp out problems before they flare up, I would suggest taking 100% of the couples income and placing it into an account marked 'family fund', and then giving a 10% 'allowance' to the man and a 10% 'allowance' to the woman. The man can spend 100% of his allowance money on tools or solar panels, and the woman can spend 100% of her allowance on shoes or her nails.
This way the families finances will be shielded behind a 'firewall' that can only be accessed when both parties agree on paying for family items like rent, groceries, home repairs...
As Spock said in an old episode of Star Trek, "Sometimes, it is better wanting than having." As Spock found out, it is better wanting a spouse than having a spouse. And as David praised his friend Jonathon for his love and said the love of Jonathon was greater than that of a woman, so too Spock valued his friendship with Jim (Captain Kirk) as greater than that of the woman he was betrothed. That is the advantage of being single. I myself in hind-sight was HAPPIER when I was unhappy, single and celibate than I have been celibate in marriage and far far further more miserable by marriage. Even Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:40 says that a widow willl be HAPPIER to remain as she is than to marry again. It is better wanting than having. Better single than married. Few are the exceptions.
