Author	Thread: Why does it seem like being innocent is Bad?
hooverbranch View Profile History	Why does it seem like being innocent is Bad? Posted : 11 Jun, 2008 02:06 PM Ok first off I am not talking a literal Innocence. All men are sinners I am not an exception. It is only by the Grace of God that I am saved. NOTHING that I did on my own. But with that said. Why when I talk with Girls does the fact that I am reserved seem to be a turn off to them. I mean I truly believe that 1 Corinthians 7 is not just talking about for when your married but also before. My body (physically and emotionally) belongs to my future wife. I have yet to date. And when a girl is interested in me they get turned off by the fact that I wont jump into things. I dont understand if the goal is to get married shouldnt we be taking this seriuosly? Or am I just going overboard? Post Reply
amandajean View Profile History	Why does it seem like being innocent is Bad? Posted : 5 Jul, 2008 04:39 PM i know that for me when a man has kept himself that pure it is intimidating, I strayed away form the Lord and while I am still a virgin and rather innocent, I made some mistakes. I feel like I am not good enough for the guys that have kept themselves so pure. I feel like they will think I'm dirty or that I am not good enough for them. I think that really it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them... Post Reply
View Profile History	Why does it seem like being innocent is Bad? Posted : 14 Jul, 2008 04:49 PM amandajean hit along the same lines that I was thinking. Most women are used to a man wanting sex in a relationship whether he wants it on the first date or the 50th date. Some women just prefer to go ahead and get it over with since she "knows" he won't stay interested if she refuses and she would rather the first time be on her terms. So this makes her feel safer since he won't protect her emotions it is a way of her protecting herself in a way. And some women are addicts themselves much like men can become slaves to sex. Some women have so much shame and guilt that they can't bear to be with a man who hasn't slept with anyone. The lie is this: men are supposed to be the ones who fall the easiest to sexual temptation and if even a man could resist what kind of awful creature must she be. So just some thoughts. Either she is scared that you are not really attracted to her or is only interested in guys who sleep around. Either way she is not ready to date anyone if she has not handed that part of her life over to God yet. Post Reply
View Profile History	Why does it seem like being innocent is Bad? Posted : 30 Jul, 2008 04:06 PM Well, first, I would encourage you to stay true to God, and your relationship to Him. Another thing to consider is that perhaps you are too focused on "staying pure" and "warding off the flies" rather than developing your love for God. It's true that the prospective girls you mentioned could feel unwanted when you abstain from such things, but they might also feel that your decision to remain abstinent is based on false pretenses. Don't misunderstand me-abstinence is always great when your dating-but it isn't the rule- it's WHY you are doing it. Is it really for your future wife, you, or God? Your relationship to HIM is of utmost importance and sometimes people-whether spiritual or not-can sense when we're being real or serving mere laws. Doing so may interpret a "lack of caring" and may label you as a mere automaton. Also, when it comes to getting emotionally close to someone-you might want to rethink your position on this. To have a relationship with someone you usually are emotional to some degree-unless you're a stoic. Yes, being emotionally close to someone requires vulnerability, and, yes, that "gift" comes with the risk of rejection, but many well-meaning people have written popular books celebrating and even mandating emotional abstinence even at the expense of a relational breakdown and eventual demise of the church. So, in summary of my monologue, perhaps, you are either too guarded or are guarded for the wrong reasons. Post Reply
View Profile History	Why does it seem like being innocent is Bad? Posted : 14 Aug, 2008 06:07 AM hi...i dont think you are being overboard. i love sincere guys hey. the reserved kind because getting to know that kinda of person takes time and its a challenge. i mean guys like you are a hard find and the fact that you still stick to what you believe about being pure and all. thats awesome...usually its the girls that have to stay pure and seeing a guy doing that well. its overwhelming :). you know what GOD bless you any woman would be lucky to have you..... i'm not making a pass at you. i'm being for real. Post Reply
lavanda14 View Profile History	Why does it seem like being innocent is Bad? Posted : 10 Oct, 2008 10:29 AM Let me just tell you that if you are dating girls around your age group, it is most probably they are just seeking to experience emotional excitements like young men seek physical excitements. I would say that girls that are, as you say get "turned off" just not ready for the type of relationship that you are looking for, because they need to learn to see the differences between their romatic expectations, emotional, physical needs and spiritual maturity. We women struggle a lot to seperate those things, because of our nature. Men have it easier and I know how we can confuse you and just drive you crazy sometimes:). It is interesting to read your words, which is not usual for 21 years old young man and I�m glad for you that you want to honor God with all who you are. I�m sure He is pleased with you deeply. Just keep doing what you really believe it is right and let those girls grow up! Many blessigns. Post Reply
View Profile History	Why does it seem like being innocent is Bad? Posted : 6 Jan, 2009 12:00 PM ur not alone my employer knows im a born again who doesnt believe about sex before marriage so he keeps on saying to me grow up nobody wll date u, well just for me ur right our bod is for our future wife or husband and it will remain pure until the right time. were doing this for God and for us and not for anyone else....so chin up ur not alone/./// Post Reply
View Profile History	Why does it seem like being innocent is Bad? Posted : 10 Jan, 2009 12:39 AM for me being reserved is not a bad thing, i take pride in my innocense and have learned to embrace and charish it. . .with God's help of course :) my question for society as a whole would be when did it become awkward, unrealistic, or just plain weird for people to wait until marriage?? it is not wierd, it's a blessing and a goal i have set for myself. i have learned these past few years that sharing my decision with others has not only strengthen and encouraged me to walk in faith, but has encouraged others to do the same. there is a light at the end of the tunnel when waiting for marriage :) stay positive!! Post Reply
View Profile History	Why does it seem like being innocent is Bad? Posted : 25 Jan, 2009 04:22 PM You seem like a great guy but you live in a really remote place. You should try e-Harmony within 50 mile radius of your zip code. Post Reply
View Profile History	Why does it seem like being innocent is Bad? Posted : 14 Feb, 2009 09:04 PM You are so right, you should save yourself your not going overbord. In fact its awsome that there are still real men like you out there. I give you two big thumbs up, you rock! Post Reply
cowgirl1984 View Profile History	Why does it seem like being innocent is Bad? Posted : 16 Mar, 2009 01:33 PM I'm coming from a different perspective than a majority of the replies that I read, so hopefully this helps answer your questions. I know a couple of people touched on this, but I think that their exact answers were different than where myself and many of the women, I am friends with and have talked to are coming from. I think there's a difference between not dating and not having sex. So I don't think it's necessarily the physical purity that turns them off. Every guy I've ever dated who had never had a girlfriend ended up being awkward, clingy, and didn't really know how to have a girlfriend. That would have been fine if I were on that same plane, but I'm not, and unfortunately these days many women and men are where I am. We've made mistakes and because of that, once we are redeemed to the Lord, want someone who understands where we are. I am not a virgin, so while I wouldn't object to and would even like a guy who is still a virgin, most guys who are virgins are turned off by women who are not. So it works both ways. I have been forgiven by God for my mistakes and now I am in for the long haul and waiting until I'm married to be physically intimate again, but I will most likely end up with a man who has also made those same mistakes because again, men who are virgins want women who also are. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Think about this... Communication is so important in any relationship, and communication depends a lot on perspective. Your life experiences and the things you have done have shaped who you are and make up your perspectives and outlooks. Without coming from similar perspectives, communication, or at least being able to understand where someone is "coming from" is very difficult. So, think of it like assigning a number on a scale from 0 to 10. Someone who has never had a boyfriend/girlfriend and has never done anything physical would be a 0, and someone who has been in many relationships and has children, etc etc, would be a much higher number. I'd probably be somewhere around a 3 or so, maybe a 4 depending on how you look at it. Going more than one number above or below is going to make it difficult to understand each others perspectives. That may be a cold reality, but it is reality. While ultimately God should be the focus of any relationship, a relationship will still be easier (but never easy, haha) if you are coming from the same place and understand each other. I hope that makes sense and helps to answer your question. I'm sure many people will disagree with me, but my basic point is, don't take it as personal rejection. Take it as they want to be with someone who is more "on the same plane" as they are--someone who understands and can relate to them and their experiences. You will find someone someday, and you will make a good husband for her. But it may take some time to find her. The wait for her will make finding her that much better. Stay strong! Post Reply

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