Thread: So how does one do the long distance relationship thing?
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So how does one do the long distance relationship thing?
Posted : 20 Mar, 2010 12:10 AM
I think maybe God has answered my prayer of finding someone wonderful here. Or he found me. Or we found each other. :applause: Either way it's wonderful and such a blessing. The question is though. He's there and I'm here. He's just lost someone very dear to him. How does one do the long distance thing and how long does one wait before meeting? Advice please?
So how does one do the long distance relationship thing?
Posted : 22 Mar, 2010 04:41 PM
It would appear that no one knows the answer to your questions!
I try to avoid the long distance thing. I did meet one guy who seemed to have a lot of potential, but the 550+ miles between us just made meeting impossible. After regular online communication as friends for 4 months, I finally realized that it was going to go no farther unless we could meet, and soon. He didn't seem too interested in making the trip, and I wasn't going half-way across the country to meet some guy I met online. So we are still friends, but nothing more. After that, I restricted even my profile browsing to people who lived within about 150 miles of me...and met someone who lives about 45 miles away.
My parents did a long distance relationship. They met in person first, though...my dad worked with my mom's brother-in-law, and that's how they met. They spent a decent amount of time together while my mom was visiting her sister and brother-in-law for a week, and exchanged daily letters for months. My dad also drove about 450 miles every three weeks to spend the weekend with my mom (carefully chaperoned at my grandparents' house, I might add!). That's how they did the long distance thing.
I think if you really believe that someone is "the one" then you should try to meet at some point. But honestly, I think that the guy should be the one to do the traveling the first time...maybe I'm just old-fashioned, though. Before you meet, talk online a lot, talk on the phone, and talk via Skype video chat (or a similar video chat program). That should prepare you for meeting in person...you might even find that what was a great thing over the phone isn't so great when you add video chat. Or it might be even better!
So how does one do the long distance relationship thing?
Posted : 22 Mar, 2010 05:55 PM
It is a blessing to hear you found someone online and have at least started a relationship. I have met several people from the internet...each one a story in and of itself. I met my ex-husband online. We were married 8 years and had a wonderful relationship.
Long distance relationships usually don't work. I have been involved in a long distance relationship 2 or 3 times and the distance always becomes an issue. At some point one of the parties has to decide to make a move. It is the only way that you can date and really get to know one another.
As for the old-fashioned idea of the man traveling first, I say no! Old-fashioned and internet-dating do not equate! It is best for you to go to him and meet him on his turf first. This way you can protect your safety zone, so to speak. You get to know his lifestyle, friends, hang outs before making yourself too vulnerable to someone who is still really a stranger. (Anyone can be sweet for a few hours at a time.) Hold off on letting him into your "space" until you know for certain that he is legit and trustworthy!
Be safe out there!!!!
Debbie
gracegrace
P.S. I know that women can be psycho, too! The physical strength advantage that men have is a true concern for women though...meaning a man can protect himself more easily...usually. :glow:
So how does one do the long distance relationship thing?
Posted : 22 Mar, 2010 07:32 PM
I do see your point, Grace, about meeting a guy on his turf rather than letting him into my space. I think I still would feel safer meeting in a nearby town where I know my way around rather that in a strange town where I know no one and don't know "escape routes." I would NEVER, EVER let a guy come to my house to meet me the first time, and I would make sure to meet him in a very public location, such as a mall or busy restaurant. Just my own personal opinion!
You are also correct that internet dating and old-fashioned don't go together...but somehow I met an old-fashioned guy online! :applause:
So how does one do the long distance relationship thing?
Posted : 22 Mar, 2010 08:02 PM
Speaking from experience, it really can be very difficult ESPECIALLY if the other person lives in another country and doesn't have a passport/Visa into the U.S. I went through a similar experience and visited my ex-girlfriend first after 4 months of communication via Facebook, instant messages, e-mails, and Skype (Skype really is a must, btw -- it's free, so there's no risk). All seemed great...
But (and again, this is where the passport/Visa comes in), it's the waiting for the other person to come MONTHS after you've visited him/her that *really* creates a potential problem. Although I'm happy I had the chance to visit my ex and will never forget the experiences I had there, there's times where you'll find yourself wondering just how honest your match may be, especially when you're really (realistically) going to be seeing him once in a great while.
You've probably already done this, but you should ask him ASAP if he'd consider relocating IF your relationship would progress to that "next level" if you will, or if you'd be comfortable moving to where he lives. Any other questions, feel free to ask me. :)
So how does one do the long distance relationship thing?
Posted : 3 Apr, 2010 04:33 PM
talk. a lot. online and on the phone/voice chat/video chat. these are all excellent ways to get to know one another before meeting.
When you do meet for the first time, ick a spot that is a neutral location for both of you if you can, that way you have no risks of showing a creep where you live (if in the off-chance he turns out to be one - its the internet and you never know!).
If after all that you still wanna pursue a relationship make it a point to schedule regular visits with one another. and talk. constantly on a daily basis.
So how does one do the long distance relationship thing?
Posted : 3 Apr, 2010 04:34 PM
i meant to add - also don't disregard any little things that may pop up that seem off to you. often times your subconscious will be able to pick up things that tell you something is wrong, even if you can't put it into words. pay attention to your gut instinct.
