Coming out of an abusive marriage with pathological deceit, I am hypervigilante about people being who they say they are.
In cyberspace, you can be anyone you want. I recommend, on this site at least, if someone participates in the forums, go back and read their post history, make sure all of their posts are consistent and don't contradict each other. Google, Facebook, etc. anything you can to find as much info as possible about that person. Many sites recommend you do background checks.
I've had a couple of guys say they wanted to meet, one backed out with weird excuses. They other I told that I wasn't willing to meet him for the first time by myself...I never heard from him again. I am a big proponent of healthy and safe boundaries. If someone is truly interested in you, they will respect your boundaries and want you to be comfortable with them and the relationship.
My beau and I started out with the understanding that this was an "exploration" of whether we were compatible and whether a relationship between us was God's will. DON'T GET IN A HURRY! We tried to meet sooner than we did, but the delay was due to his business schedule and my health. IMO, until we met in person, it didn't matter how much I thought I liked him, he was still a virtual human and not a real person. I can't have a relationship with a virtual person.
The webcam did help a lot! We've eaten some meals together. I've met his parents via webcam. When we did meet he was who I thought he was and I saw a side of him that I hadn't seen before, but am blessed that I liked that side too.
I'm blessed that I have the ablility to leave home for a week at a time and will be going to his home town for extended stays. That is the only way to find out who he is after work and around his friends. I'm not "worried." It's just something I need to learn about him. I need to have a "real" perspective and not a fantasy one.
Focus On the Family just published an article by Les & Leslie Parrott titled, "Become Your Spouse's Publist: Speaking positively about your partner can enrich your marriage."
I don't know if you can find the article on the FOF website. Parrott's website is Real Relationships dot com.
Ok so can someone give me advice on how a relationship/marriage is supposed to work? Your views?
Posted : 22 Sep, 2010 06:43 PM
T4gsds,
I so admire your posts!
Having had an abusive ex, my beau knew right away, that he was going to have to prove himself trustworthy if we were going to have any kind of friendship at all. He voiced this goal and took it on willingly, what I'd call eagerly. He had no doubt that he was trustworthy or that he could prove it.
I agree with Trgsds that we are all proving ourselves to each other. So, I'm wondering if some men show insecurity when "prove" is a problem? Do they fear not being able to be worthy of anyone?
We prove our character eveyday by our actions. "Even a child is known by his actions." Prov. 20:11
I'm sharing Loony's question. Are you sure it's physical attraction? When I read your screen name, I instantly wondered if you were Wiccan. So, unless you are crazy about Halloween and say so in your profile opening, a lot of godly men may be passing you over.
I don't know if I'm even going to come close to what you're asking, and I want to maintain some respect and dignity...
In praise and worship it is possible to become so moved by the spirit that our emotions swell and tears flow. That same overwhelming emotion and passion can swell till released in tears during physical bonding. From what I can tell, that experience is rare, but how blessed the couple that reaches that level of physical and spiritual oneness.
May God bless you with His best and richest gifts.
