The Lord has given me several dreams about the man who will be my husband. The first when I was about 12, and the last one no more than three months ago. The first dream I had about my future husband, I thought was just my imagination because I was young...but there have been more over the years.
Through these dreams, several very specific details have been revealed to me about him, so that I will know it's him when we find each other.
But he is also interested in being very physical with you. For men, this is how they show affection. Men are more physical. While a woman is generally more content with the less physical aspects of a relationship (communication) men like to touch, hold hands, snuggle. Women like this too, but in the male mind, snuggling leads to them wanting more physical contact, if you know what I mean.
It's not really a question of his interest in you, its more of a question of how far does he want this physical interest to go. If he's more interested in touching you than having a conversation with you, there is a good chance all he wants from you is sex, not a real, lasting and committed relationship.
Couples sharing social pages and email accounts? Yay or Nay?
Posted : 18 Sep, 2011 02:01 PM
My best friend and I have discussed this a time or two, and I was wondering what other people thought or felt about it.
She says, couples (specifically, spouses)sharing a social page protects the relationship from online adultery. She was all for it when her boyfriend suggested it, because she wanted to please him.
I say, his motives for wanting her to give him her account information were wrong. In his case it showed a serious lack of trust and respect for her as an individual. He has low self esteem and severe control freak issues. He wanted to isolate her from all her friends and made comments about putting her in a chastity belt, even though she NEVER gave him any reason not to trust her.
They aren't together anymore, for obvious reasons, but she still says she likes the idea of shared accounts.
I can kind of see her point about protecting a marriage, but I still think that if you can't trust your spouse to have a social page or email account of their own, you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. On some level, you should be able to trust the person you are married to, to stay faithful and not do inappropriate things behind your back.
I always tell people I'm with, if someone else hits on me, I will be honest and tell you about it. In the past, we would laugh about it. One gentleman said it was flattering to know other men found me attractive, but that he knew I was all his.
I also make it clear to them I will never, EVER, cheat. I've never given anyone a reason not to trust me, so it's never been an issue. No one has ever asked me to share accounts with them. If they did, I would seriously wonder why they would feel the need to do so.
What do you all think?
Would you be willing to share your Facebook or Myspace account with the person you are dating/engaged to/married to?
Would you want your boyfriend/girlfriend to be able to read EVERY single email you get?
Would you want your significant other to be able to have access to your online banking information, or order things online under your name?
How would you feel if someone asked you for your passwords to "check up on you?"
Would you do it to please them, or would you do it because you actually wanted to?
Or, would you tell them to get psychiatric help for their insecurities and trust issues?
Couples sharing social pages and email accounts? Yay or Nay?
Posted : 18 Sep, 2011 01:57 PM
My best friend and I have discussed this a time or two, and I was wondering what other people thought or felt about it.
She says, couples (specifically, spouses)sharing a social page protects the relationship from online adultery. She was all for it when her boyfriend suggested it, because she wanted to please him.
I say, his motives for wanting her to give him her account information were wrong. In his case it showed a serious lack of trust and respect for her as an individual. He has low self esteem and severe control freak issues. He wanted to isolate her from all her friends and made comments about putting her in a chastity belt, even though she NEVER gave him any reason not to trust her.
They aren't together anymore, for obvious reasons, but she still says she likes the idea of shared accounts.
I can kind of see her point about protecting a marriage, but I still think that if you can't trust your spouse to have a social page or email account of their own, you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. On some level, you should be able to trust the person you are married to, to stay faithful and not do inappropriate things behind your back.
I always tell people I'm with, if someone else hits on me, I will be honest and tell you about it. In the past, we would laugh about it. One gentleman said it was flattering to know other men found me attractive, but that he knew I was all his.
I also make it clear to them I will never, EVER, cheat. I've never given anyone a reason not to trust me, so it's never been an issue. No one has ever asked me to share accounts with them. If they did, I would seriously wonder why they would feel the need to do so.
What do you all think?
Would you be willing to share your Facebook or Myspace account with the person you are dating/engaged to/married to?
Would you want your boyfriend/girlfriend to be able to read EVERY single email you get?
Would you want your significant other to be able to have access to your online banking information, or order things online under your name?
How would you feel if someone asked you for your passwords to "check up on you?"
Would you do it to please them, or would you do it because you actually wanted to?
Or, would you tell them to get psychiatric help for their insecurities and trust issues?
I think asking someone to not be friends with someone of the opposite sex, is selfish and immature, and shows a lack of trust and severe low self esteem. We need friends, even as couples and married people.
It would be entirely different if:
A. The spouse admitted attraction to this friend.
B. The friend continually tried to hit on, or dress inappropriately around the married spouse.
C. They had dated in the past and one of them still had feelings for the other.
In those cases, I could see needing to cut off contact with the friend, no questions asked. However, a real friend would have respect for your marriage and NOT want to come between you and your spouse.
I have had a few male friends who were married or seriously involved. I make it quite clear to both them, and their girls, that I respect their relationship and I am NOT going to steal them away. I'm not that kind of woman.
If one of these woman came to me personally, and expressed concerns, I would talk about it with her, and if she still had a problem with it, we would BOTH sit down with the gentleman and discuss it together. If all three of us agreed that, for the sake of their marriage, I shouldn't be friends with them, I would respect that. I've never had to have that conversation with anyone.
I had neighbors who are married, with kids and I was friends with both of them. They kind of saw me as family, and I saw them as family too. However, just for proprieties sake, I made sure I was never alone with her husband, just so there would/could never be any doubt in her mind about me and him. I also told her, point blank, there never would be anything between us, and that if he ever hit on me, I would her about it myself, so she could deal with it how she wanted. He never hit on me, and at one point, he actually thanked me for not being like the other single women in our apartment complex always trying to hit on him and dressing inappropriately.
I don't condone adultery. I will always know, at least by my own actions, and heart intent, that I was never the cause of a divorce. However, I can't control how other people feel or what they choose to do. If it was ever a problem for my male friends to be around me after he married, I would respect that too, and back off.
As for talking everyday...well, I understand wanting to keep communication open, sometimes things just happen and you can't talk every single day. A couple really in love, contemplating marriage, should WANT to talk to each other every single day, but it shouldn't be a REQUIREMENT. Putting that kind of expectation and pressure on a person leads to resentment, and makes them wonder what else you are going to REQUIRE of them later.
Sometimes a little space is a good thing, and healthy even, so long as it's not too much space. A couple shouldn't go more than a few days without talking, at least in some form.
I dated a gentleman last year for about ten months. We were talking about marriage at one point. We spoke every day through Skype (because it's free) and exchanged several emails a day...not because we HAD to, but because we wanted to.
There was one time, we got into a HUGE fight, and I lost my cool. I got so angry with him, I didn't want to talk to him for a while. I hung up on him before I lost all self control and said something really mean that would have hurt him greatly. Then I sent him an email immediately, explaining why I hung up on him. I also told him we BOTH needed to take some time to calm down. It was a Tuesday, and I told him we would talk again on Friday...to give each of us some space and to figure things out. He didn't really like it, but he agreed, because he knew I was right.
On Thursday, we exchanged an email or two. He tried to convince me to talk to him again, but I set a boundary, and I wasn't quite ready to talk (I wasn't angry anymore, but I didn't know what to say yet. ) By the time Friday came around, we both calmed down, and actually started to miss each other. We talked and worked everything out, and neither one of us lost our tempers with each other for a long time after that. We broke up, not because we didn't have feelings for each other, but because we wanted two very different things out of life. We knew we weren't meant to marry.
Part of the reason we got into that fight that day, was because we were both exhausted, and we had talked extensively, literally EVERY DAY of our relationship...there was no break or day apart from each other. We needed some time to ourselves and neither of us was getting that. Occasionally, some personal time and space is healthy for a relationship.
As a woman, I can say wholeheartedly, I would not want to see you or any man naked, that I wasn't married to, unless there was a darn good reason...like a medical emergency. If someone were bleeding to death, I would do something to help, and sometimes that means removing clothing. There should be no shame or embarrassment in saving someones life, which is partially why those in the medical field grow comfortable with nudity.
However, for MOST people, nakedness IS directly related to sexual feelings, lust and physical attraction. Maybe you feel it shouldn't be that way, but it just is. God gave Eve to Adam to be his wife, and He made her physically attractive to him, so that he would desire her and want to be with her. This is how it was designed to be between a man and a woman. It is no secret that men are visually stimulated by attractive women in a sexual way. This causes men to stumble eventually.
You may claim you do not get sexually aroused by female nudity. You are either secretly gay, a liar, or the one straight man on earth who doesn't find a naked woman attractive. Men and women have a hard enough time being "just friends", because we are DESIGNED by GOD to be attracted to one another. I wouldn't want my male friends running around my house naked, nor would I dare to tempt them to sin by doing the same.
We each have free will in this world to make choices about how we live our lives, regardless of what others think. God isn't going to strike you down for it, but have you ever prayed and asked Him what He really thought about your nudity? Apart from scriptures you interpret however you want to...have you actually ASKED Jesus if He was pleased with your choice to parade around naked in front of women? Somehow I doubt you have.
If you really feel comfortable being nude in front of women, without becoming aroused, I would have to also wonder about what kind of intimacy you would have if you do marry, meaning, if seeing your wife naked produces no sexual response in you, then intimacy with her will be a problem, if not for you, then for her.
Women want to know we are sexually attractive to our spouses...and it doesn't sound to me you would be all that sexually attracted to your future wife, which I find incredibly sad for her and you. You have stated you won't marry a woman who is not comfortable being nude with you. What if the woman God destined for you to be with is not comfortable with it? Would you pass her by, simply because of her different viewpoint? Would you really disrespect God in that way, and give up your soul mate, just to do what you want? That is a very selfish stance to take.
Furthermore, I highly doubt you are going to find a Christian lady who is comfortable with your nudity in front of other women, or being nude herself in front of other men, which means, you may find yourself single for a very long time, or possibly in a relationship with someone who is not a believer, which is going to cause a whole lot of other problems for you in life.
Another thing...young children don't need to see you running around naked. It is highly inappropriate to expose children's innocent minds and eyes to a grown adult's nakedness. Parents who parade around naked in front of their children should be arrested for sexual abuse...and it IS a form of sexual abuse. Even if God was ok with it, you are still breaking the law of man. Both should be respected.
Your extremely liberal attitude about this makes me wonder what else in scriptures you twist to fit your own personal ideals.
I highly doubt you are going to change anyone's opinion on this, as I'm equally sure no one will change yours, however, you did ask for a woman's point of view.
Not everyone goes to church. Many people have different reasons. It's not as important as some people make it out to be. Jesus said the PEOPLE are the Church, not a building.
So as long as you continue to grow spiritually, and you have good solid Christian friends who pray for you and hold you accountable, you have a church. It's just not a traditional one.
It doesn't really matter what other people's opinions are on this or anything else. If you ever feel lead to go attend a church, I'm sure you will follow God's leading to do so. If He's not leading you to go, then don't worry about it too much.
There isn't all that much WRONG with it, but you probably should be very clear about a few things:
What does "old fashioned values" actually mean to you?
You should be specific about this, because to SOME people who say they believe in old fashioned values, view male/female role in a very rigid and scary way: I'm a dictator who likes to rule with abuse, control and fear. To them women are viewed as property... are not allowed to vote, think for themselves, work outside the home, wear pants or makeup, have an opinion or do anything without their husbands permission etc. (I've met a few like this.)
To be clear, I'm NOT suggesting this is what you believe at all. I hope you can see where some clarification about YOUR old fashioned values might be a good thing.
If you are unwilling to relocate, you should explain why. People may assume reasons in their own mind that are incorrect.
Also, it may be a turn off to some people who would normally be interested in everything else you have to say, if you aren't at least open to the idea at some future point in your life.
As an English major in college, I can tell you, grammar and proper paragraphs are important. If something is difficult to read, a good majority of people won't bother to finish reading it. I can help you with this if you'd like. :)
I hope these suggestions aren't too discouraging to you. Because you asked, the other ladies and I are being honest to help you.
LOL...If I could afford it, I'd get mine reduced...MAYBE...if a chiropractor told me I should for my overall health of my spine.
However, I like my body pretty much how it is. I kind of wish I was a bit taller, but overall? Plastic surgery, for the most part, is a farce of a profession that preys on women's insecurities.
I like who I am as a person.
Women should feel proud of WHO they are, not what they LOOK LIKE...still, I know how some men can be kinda picky...they like them big, little, hand size, squishy, firm...
My suggestion? Find I guy who cares more about your personality, integrity or your mind, more than your goodies.
"I see that right you are all more worried about looking at the topic and feeling ATTACKED, rather then HUMBLING yourselves to receive the a DEEPER TRUTH of how you can be PERCEIVED by others which is the point here."
LOL...Wow...still can't let it go huh?
I believe you made your point in the other post. Rewriting your rant doesn't change anything. So here is some more truth for you:
Calling people a LIAR for setting up their profile in a way YOU don't approve of, IS an attack.
Deeper truth? Of what? How YOU view people?
The only person's opinion about me that matters at all to me is Jesus. I don't need, desire or require approval or validation from anyone else. How other people choose to PERCEIVE me is not important. In fact, what others choose to think of me is none of my business. Why? Because I don't depend on other people's approval to feel good about myself.
You really need some revelation about what is actually important in life, because, let me just say, it's NOT IMPORTANT if complete strangers you will probably never meet in real life, view your profile page without your knowledge.
If you think that this is really so important you have to rant about it more than once, you should seriously consider HUMBLING YOURSELF and getting some professional help for your insecurity and narcissism before you can ever hope to have a healthy relationship with a woman. I will pray for you.
