A while back I had an internet stalker, who seemed to think I was more interested in him than I was, simply because I looked at his page. He appeared at first to be a nice, normal man, but it didn't take long to figure out he was a complete narcissistic sociopath with severe control issues.
Now I don't even feel SAFE using my real name, or a real picture of me, because I made the mistake of giving this guy my REAL information. This man has threatened to KILL ME. So I have to 'Hide". Explain to me how another persons CRAZY BEHAVIOR makes ME a liar?
How DARE you try to accuse people of lying simply because they don't want people to know they have been to a page. It is NONE of your business what other people do, or how they choose to set up their own personal profiles.
If you don't know someone viewed you, what harm is there in that? Would you rather know someone viewed you and then feel TOTAL REJECTION if they don't send you a note?
Since you are so big on telling the truth...do you really tell every woman you've ever met, your entire life history as soon as you meet them? Do they know your deepest fears, your darkest secrets? Do you tell them about every girl you kissed? I'm sure there are many things you don't share with total strangers right away. Do you consider yourself a liar too? You need to check yourself before you go around accusing others of lying.
Grow up. There are a lot of other more important things to get upset about in this world, than who viewed your page and who didn't.
It helps that I took a few basic psychology classes. Not that I psychoanalyze everyone I meet. Not every guy is going to have these issues...but when you've dated a few people who clearly have emotional problems, and know from personal experience, it's easy to spot the patterns.
First and foremost, women (and men too) should be relying on JESUS to meet their needs. Emotional or otherwise.
So for the women who WANTS companionship with a gentleman, but can also be content being single, they might say they don't NEED a man...because they don't. They have Jesus. WANT and NEED are two very different things.
Furthermore...we live in a modern world. Women are expected to get an education, move out and go on to college and have a career of her own. We have to be independent, because, let's face facts guys. Do you REALLY want a woman who has lived at home with mommy and daddy her whole life, with no practical life experience running a home, paying bills, making real life choices or being responsible?
A lot of men claim they want a Proverbs 31 wife...well, she not only took care of the home and children, she took charge of her life. She delegated responsibilities to the servants, made sure there was enough food, clothing, household supplies etc. Then she worked. She was out in the fields, she was crafting things to sell. She had a home business.
She had to, because she knew if something ever happened to her husband, she would need to have a way to provide for herself. I'm sure she WANTED her husband, but the wise woman Proverbs talks about probably didn't think she NEEDED a man either. Seems to me she was just as self sufficient as modern women have to be. According to the Bible, this was the ideal woman...
So why are so many men afraid of an independent woman? You can't have it both ways. You can't say "I want a Proverbs 31 wife" and then turn around and bash women for being one.
For me there are very specific qualities/attributes or behaviors that will cause me to conclude someone is Clingy/Desperate or Emotionally Catatonic, or a Player, and they are based on years of experience, both personally and through observation of others in relationships.
For example:
Clingy/Desperate:
He doesn't want to develop a friendship.
The guy doesn't want to/can't be patient enough to develop a basic friendship before pushing to date...and if we date, he wants to push moving in together or getting married right away. If we can't even be friends, how can we have a solid foundation enough for something as serious as marriage?
He is insecure.
He is intensely jealous of anyone else in my life. Demands my full attention 24/7 and will get angry if I can't do what he wants exactly when he wants it.
He has no concept of boundaries.
He calls repeatedly, and throws a fit if I don't answer the phone right away or can't talk for hours on end. ( A short good morning call or 1-2 hour phone conversation once a night is ok...12 hours is not.) Ditto on 10+ emails a day.
He is a loner.
He wants to hang all over me 24/7, doesn't have friends of his own, can't stand to be alone with himself, and can't stand that I want to spend even one day apart, doing my own thing with my best friends.
He is emotionally controlling/manipulative.
He says things to emotionally blackmail me: like "If you loved me you would....", "Why don't you love me?", "My ex would have done this for me...", "If you don't _______ I'll kill myself." Blah Blah...
Asks too many questions about unimportant things.
Demands to know everything about me, how I spend my time, where I went, who I talked to, what we talked abotu...Really? You're not my parent. You don't need to know my every waking moment.
These types of men have severe and deep emotional issues they need counseling (and possibly anti-depression medication) for before they can be in a serious and HEALTHY relationship.
The Player:
He's a Flirt
He calls every girl: Sweetie, Honey, Baby...because he can't remember all their names. Or he will try to give me a "special" nickname after we have barely met. He's a smooth talker and easily impresses women.
He has multiple profiles on multiple dating websites or social platforms.
If I'm on his Facebook, but I'm not allowed/invited to friend him on any other site, it makes me wonder what he's hiding, and how many other girls he talks to on the sites he doesn't want me on.
He won't spend any real time with me.
Texting is the new 'lazy dater/player' form of communication. He doesn't have to put in any real effort. He would rather buy me dinner or something expensive than sit and have a conversation with me.
He warns me he is not relationship material.
But still wants to "date". I know he will never want to have a serious relationship...so why bother?
He will take me to the same restaurant over and over. Probably because he takes his other girls to the others in town. He's afraid he will run into his other girls when I'm with him.
He makes too many promises way too early in the relationship. Guys know what girls want to hear. They will claim they want marriage, kids, the white picket fence with the dog in the backyard, family vacations all American dream. But when it comes right down to it, months later, if you ask them, they claim they never said it, or never wanted that.
He avoids getting to know me.
He won't take me anywhere were we can talk or spend any quality time together. Going to a movie or a loud club...how do you get to know someone when you can't hear them or you are supposed to stay silent?
He only makes last minute/late night plans with me.
A little spontaneity or impatient enthusiasm to see me is flattering from time to time, but if a man is really interested in getting to know me, he would make MOST plans in advance to be sure that I am free to spend time with him.
He's pushy about getting physical.
Usually because he is only interested in one thing, and he will date as many girls as he can to get it. A man who is really interested in a woman (and not just her body) is respectful of her body and her choices.
He won't introduce me to any of his friends, much less any family member.
I don't expect to meet mom and dad within the first few weeks...but if I've dated a guy for two or three months, and I've never even met his best friend (whom I hear all about at every date)...that tells me he isn't interested in letting me in his inner circle, and I'm just one of the many girls in the line up.
The Emotionally Catatonic/Distant Man:
Communication is reduced to power plays.
He has subconscious satisfaction when he witnesses me in great emotional distress. The underlying thought: You see? I do have power! I can control her emotions, and that�s not an easy thing to do. My tactics worked.
He avoids commitment and personal accountability.
He sees simple requests, as attempts at coercion, and they circumvent them by remaining vague. He can't take responsibility for his own emotions or actions in the relationship.
Leadership roles are confused.
The evasive man prefers to hold back and sidestep situations that will mean he is required to do something or give of himself emotionally in situations where his leadership would be expected. He may try to be coy and set me up to be forced to take a leadership role in the relationship and then attack me for not being submissive or respectful like a good Christian woman "should" be.
Relationship is secondary to performance.
He would rather do some menial chore for me, or work long extra hours in order to avoid spending any real time with me, or because he is trying to avoid discussing a problem in the relationship. He has no conflict-resolution skills, so he will do anything he has to do to avoid dealing with issues, so he will spend his time doing things he is familiar with, or already knows how to do: work on the car, go to church, help his dad paint a fence, etc...
Personal insights are unequal.
Healthy people not only admit the need for improvement, they welcome the challenge. Growing people are willing to absorb insights and information. They actively seek out truth.
Evasive people are not inclined toward insight and awareness. So he really isn�t interested in being challenged on the personal, philosophical level. That makes him too vulnerable. He wants the comfortable routine, the level keel, putting little or no thought into the whys of life.
Maybe this will help answer your question. It isn't just about "hanging onto every word". There are other, very obvious behaviors that will be a glaring red flag to an aware woman. No one is perfect 100% of the time. But if a man fits several of any of these signs in one of these categories, in an extreme way, chances are, there is more to it than the woman just being picky or judgmental.
These types of men have severe and deep emotional issues they need counseling for before they can be in a serious and HEALTHY relationship.
Obviously, it's different for each woman, but I put on my profile what I'm looking for, so there is no confusion later, or even worse, someone trying to claim I mislead them in some way.
I dated the worlds way before I became a Christian, and now I'm trying to do things God's way. Basically, I want to be with someone who wants the same things I do and is willing to date/court in a godly way.
Because that can be different things to different people, I wrote out what it means to me. If a man decides he isn't that guy, or can't be the type of guy I'm looking for, they don't have to respond.
All I have to say is, men like you are the exact reason I choose not to post a picture of myself right away. I don't want to be "rated" and picked out of a line up because of how pretty I am compared to the next girl on the list.
I'd rather a man get to know me for who I really am...not the outside packaging. I am tired of men seeing me only for my beauty ("wow, your so pretty", but they can't remember my favorite song or when my birthday is, or don't care what I think or feel about anything), or others who think I'm "not pretty enough" cause I don't like EXACTLY like their supermodel fantasy woman.
When it comes right down to it, beauty fades anyway, man or woman. We all get old, a little pudgy with age. Both men and women lose hair, their bodies break down and we all get wrinkles and cellulite eventually.
Whats more important? The pretty wrapping or whats inside the package? A woman could have beautiful wrapping paper, and have complete garbage on the inside, stinky attitudes, mean spirited, controlling or manipulative, or a woman could have plain simple wrappings and be a beautiful jewel inside, warm, kind, compassionate, loving, happy etc. .
You, my friend, will never find the treasure in the box, if you're only looking at the wrapping paper, and I find that incredibly sad for you.
How would you feel if a woman were to "rate" you? Would you prefer to be rated on your looks or your personality? Or your character, integrity? Wisdom? Heart attitude? Your love for humanity and God, or maybe NOT AT ALL?
Maybe you were trying to be funny, and I do understand the basic point you were trying to make to other men, but overall you come across as rude and classless.
I don't really know how to answer your questions, because each woman has her own opinions and ideas about what is important to them in a relationship, and what they find attractive in a man.
Some women like older men because they are more mature, stable, romantic and sensitive than a younger, less experienced, man might be. Some women like younger men because they more fun, outgoing, adventurous or energetic. (This is from some of the conversations I've had with other women.) I'm sure there are a wide range of answers about WHY some women prefer younger or older men. You would have to ask each women individually.
Personally, I think it's kind of creepy for a woman to date someone significantly younger than them, but I would also say the same of a much older man dating a very young woman too. A five to ten year age difference might be acceptable, if the younger of the two was more mature for their age, but any more than that and I think it starts to get a little weird, and in some cases, downright gross.
From personal experience, I can say, I don't like dating younger men. They just aren't mature enough for me mentally or emotionally. I'm not trying to be mean here, just honest.
I have tried to date a few older men in the last year or so. Both were ten years older than me. In both cases we were good friends first, so it seemed natural to develop stronger feelings for each other. We got along great at first.
When it came to dating, I don't think they felt we had enough in common to have a lasting relationship. We had vastly different tastes in music and movies, favorite TV shows, for example. It made some conversations awkward (and kinda funny) when they would be telling me something they did in high school, and I would say, I was six, or seven then. So after a while, we came to realize we made better friends than we did anything more, and realized it was not going to go anywhere.
I don't have too much of a problem with the idea of dating a slightly older man, as long as we really had enough in common and the age difference wasn't a problem for him, but still...I think people who are closer in age tend to make better matches overall.
For me personally, I wouldn't mind knowing the details, because they are part of what makes the person I'm with the person they have become today. I don't believe married couples, or couples who are planning to marry should have ANY secrets from each other.
There should be full disclosure about all past relationships, sexual history and reasons for breakups...but little details (like what they looked like or things they did together) isn't really as important to me. After all, it would be awkward to run into someone's ex while we were out together, and not know they even dated.
In any serious relationship, each party must work through lingering past relationship issues to become healthier, whole and able to move forward into the future. Sometimes to do this, a person has to get it all out and talk about it. Couples should be supportive of each other and share what they feel comfortable with, and if they don't want to talk about it, at least explain why without getting defensive. I think it's normal to be a little curious about a persons relationship history when you're in a relationship with them.
As for myself, I have no problem with talking about any part of my past or past relationships. I make a point to tell men, "I will tell you as much or as little as you want to know, but I will tell you the whole truth. I can't promise you will like my answers, so be sure you really want to know before you ask me a question."
This way, they know they will get the truth from me, and hopefully they will really think about what is important for them to know, and what they can let go. Also, this releases me from feeling "on the spot" so to say, about what their responses might be. I can't control how someone else reacts or feels about something I did before we ever even met.
I found this article on the net several years ago...it's helped me to weed out the would be players.
8 Signs that he�s only interested in Sex:
1.He only communicates via text messages or emails.
We all know that guys hate talking on the phone, but if you're never hearing the sound of his voice, that could spell trouble. "If I have hung out with a girl a few times and I'm still texting or emailing her, it's just about sex for me," says Jake, 28. Chalk it up to his lack of interest in talking with you -- and the ease of technology, a boon for lazy would-be players. He doesn't need to engage in a real conversation -- a couple of words here, an emoticon there, and he's in touch with you with a bare minimum of effort. Keeping his communiqu�s to emails and texts also allows him to steer the conversation towards sex, either subtly or overtly; he can be more forward than he would be in person or over the phone since he won't have to deal with rejection directly.
2.He warns you that he's not relationship material
Some guys inform girls about their disinterest in a relationship early on with remarks like "I'm not ready for a serious relationship yet." It can be easy to think he's just being honest and may eventually come around after he's gotten to know you. But don't fall for it. "Some guys always have excuses as to why they can't take the relationship to the next level, "But 'not now' means 'not ever.'" The upfront explanation makes it easier to break it off later. "When I just want sex from a woman, I drop hints that I can't be involved with her in a long-term relationship because my job is my number one priority," says Matt, 31. "Then, when I decide to stop seeing her, I reference the fact that I said it wouldn't work out early on." Bottom line: If he says he's not boyfriend material, know that he means it. Move on and find a man who isn�t so lame.
3.You've been to the same restaurant with him more than once in one month
Sure, he may say "It's my favorite place," "It's our place," or that he's been craving the eggplant parmesan. As sweet as that may seem, his motives are likely not so romantic. A quality guy will put thought and effort into each of your dates -- but a guy who just wants sex will make the weekly Olive Garden dinner a preamble to taking you back to his place (which just happens to be around the corner). Watch out if he keeps meeting you in the same place and doesn't vary from routine, Argov warns. "He's with you at the little Mexican place, but with another girl at the Chinese place the next night and another girl at the sushi place the night after that." He needn't pull out all the stops every date, but beware night after night of the same thing. Says Argov, "A player will go for what's quick, convenient and cheap -- just like his intentions."
4.He makes too many promises.
It would be easy to avoid these guys if they said things like, "I want you to come over and have sex with me -- and then disappear." Rather, guys try to woo you with what they think you want to hear. "If all he wants is sex, he'll promise you things you haven't even thought of yet," says Argov. "Men know that by talking about love, fabulous exotic vacations, babies, houses with the white picket fences, women will give up the goods. He's fattening you up for the kill." So if there's lots of talk of big future plans very early in your dates, beware.
5.He only makes last-minute, late-night plans to see you
It seems obvious, but sometimes a guy can conceal the real intentions behind a late night call by making it sound innocent enough, citing how he's working late or has dinner plans with friends -- but that he really wants to see you. Then comes the clincher: a line like, "Can we meet for a quick drink, or maybe I could just stop by your place on my way home?" Sure, a little impatient enthusiasm is flattering, but if he's truly into you, he'll make plans in advance. Says Argov, "For the guy who's smitten, the anticipation of seeing the woman he likes is as exciting to him as the date itself."
6.He avoids getting-to-know-you talk.
Everyone knows a relationship requires communication, especially at the onset. It should stand to reason, then, that a guy who plans dates that don't give you a chance to talk to each other isn't likely interested in a relationship. Says Todd, 35, "With girls that I only want to have sex with, I go out to lots of movies -- that way, I don't have to talk to them. Afterwards I can justify going home with them since we did hang out and had an official date." According to Mira Kirshenbaum, author of Is He Mr. Right? Everything You Need To Know Before You Commit, it should be apparent when a guy's interested in getting to know you. "He may also be sexually attracted to you and want to have sex with you," says Kirshenbaum, "but other things will have equal weight, such as having conversations with you about topics that you care about and interests you share."
7. He's pushy about getting physical.
Some guys will say just about anything to get a woman to have sex with him. Ever hear any of these lines?
"We'll just cuddle."
"You're just so sexy that I can't help myself."
"My underwear is chafing me."
�If you REALLY loved me, you would do it.�
�Men HAVE to have sex to be healthy.�
For the record:
We hate just cuddling.
We can help ourselves.
Our underwear was fitting us just fine this morning.
If we really loved you, we would respect your body.
We take advantage of girls who actually believe this line. No matter what we SAY, we aren�t going to die if we don�t have sex.
8. He doesn't introduce you to his friends
If you've been dating a month or more, and you still have seen neither hide nor hair of any of his coworkers, acquaintances, siblings or pals, he's likely never going to bring you home to meet the parents. "I'll introduce girls I'm genuinely interested in to my guy-friends within two to three weeks of dating," Jake explains. "At that point I'm feeling comfortable enough with her to see what my friends think." Don't fret if you've passed the four-date mark and you haven't yet met his mom, though. "Some men won't introduce you to their families, because they're embarrassed by them," says Argov. Still, he should begin integrating you into his life within the first few months of dating. If not, it's a sign that this guy's into getting physical... and not much else. Consider yourself well warned!
For the record: When a guy introduces you to his parents, especially Mom, it is the highest compliment and he is probably genuinely interested in a serious commitment.
