"The biggest turn off I ever had was on this site - when women play hard-to-get. I was getting along really well with one - amazingly well from all appearances - when I asked very politely for her phone number and she said "anything worth while is worth waiting for." I gave her a sermon she will probably never forget and it was all right on."
I imagine MiracleMan the sermon you gave her only validated her reasoning that she was smart to wait in letting YOU have her contact information -- lol!
The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 13 Oct, 2011 07:36 AM
I have read in these forums more than once that when a woman rejects the interest expressed to her by SOME of the male members here on CDFF they often retaliate with a nasty rude response. In which case I believe THAT his subsequent response pretty much validates her original opinion - lol. :ROFL:
In a venue such as this, where initial communication is based solely on words, (notwithstanding the use of the WINK) words can either ESCALATE or DE-ESCALATE the emotional response of the reader. In your case Cuddle, I think there is a much better way to respond to unsolicited interest. Telling a male "You're not the kind of man I am looking for." while being direct and to the point, totally lacks tact. First off -- there is no reason you need respond at all simply because you are contacted. A non-response is in fact a response. To alleviate further contact from someone you deem unsuitable all you need do is block that person. End of story.
However, if you are one of those people that feel it is bad manners NOT to respond to an interest inquiry, why go out of your way to place a negative connotation upon the male that expressed that interest by telling him he is NOT THE KIND OF MAN YOU ARE LOOKING FOR? Why do that? Do you not see by those words you have just told him he is unworthy of you -- and you don't actually tell him WHY he is unworthy -- leaving him to wonder what it is about him that caused you to reject him. Most men with intact self esteem will simply delete your tactless response and not give it another thought. A male with a more sensitive nature might be prompted to respond to your response -- and how do people react to having their feelings hurt? They lash out in anger--thus THAT could be the reason for him responding with ""wow, that was very rude, best of luck to you". When I read your response to him, I came away thinking the same thing.
If you really feel you need respond to men that write to you and you do not have a corresponding interest in getting to know them why not just use the auto-respond feature; Sorry, I dont think we would make a good match. That message says this, "I appreciate your interest in my profile but I don't think we would make a good match. Please dont be discouraged or take this message as being rude or impolite. I know that you will be blessed with love, success and happiness." That is a far more polite and tactful way of responding to unwanted interest than telling someone they are NOT WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR. It was crafted to DE-ESCALATE a negative response from the viewer. You might try that sometime Cuddle :nahnah:
If you have been communicating with this guy for 6 months -- I would think by this time you'd have some familiar rapport with him. If not, then perhaps you are both barking up the wrong tree.
Instead of asking people NOT privy to your situation what his actions vs. his words are telling you -- why not just ask him and more directly? Do so either in person or on the phone so as to not leave yourself open to more confusion based on the potential ambiguity of a textual conversation. If you know you will be nervous approaching him with this topic -- make a list of all the things you are confused about and use that as your directional map to lead the conversation into an area where you get your questions answered. If he is unwilling or incapable of being forthright with you -- that should be an indicator of how he deals with tough conversations.
No one initially enjoys starting frank conversations. They are uncomfortable and if you are not careful can backfire on you. However, relationships -- good ones all have something integral to their success and that is COMMUNICATION. If you cannot communicate with this guy now -- either due to his unwillingness or inability to do so -- it's not going to get easier later on until you cross that bridge. Responders in the forums can give you all the advice in the world but the matter of the fact is--unless you get the information you desire to know directly from the person you desire to know it from--the rest is all speculation. Good Luck!
oh...and to heartofadog-- I had not realized you and I were interacting. I read your posts and did not find them of sufficient interest or pertinence to respond to--so I am unclear as to why you thought my posts were directed at you. I generally don't find brown noser's have much to add. -- :ROFL:
lol @ stalking a page when someone merely clicks on it to look at it. Seriously -- how can that really bother you if they never once contact you????? Merely accessing someone's public profile on a dating website that allows in fact encourages that access doesn't meet the criteria for cyber-stalking.
Cyberstalking is a crime in which the attacker harasses a victim using electronic communication, such as e-mail or instant messaging (IM), or messages posted to a Web site or a discussion group. Most stalking laws require that the perpetrator make a credible threat of violence against the victim; which may include threats against the victim's immediate family; and the alleged stalker's course of conduct must constitute an implied threat. Really people -- looking at someone's online profile on a dating site--no matter how many times someone accesses it - is NOT STALKING.
You go from moralizing about what age of woman is appropriate for a male to find of interest to suggesting by looking at a profile a male is stalking-- how utterly ridiculous--judgmental and narrow minded--not to mention a bit paranoid as well.
Angel and Cousin Itt think men that are looking for a younger woman should be ASHAMED of that fact. To that I say this.....SO WHAT! Why do you two even care? Cousin Itt is under the misconception that if an older male looks at her profile he is somehow indicating interest -- that he WANTS HER-- Pffft! Unless he makes contact with you by wink, IM, or email -- his interest is merely visual and not longstanding or sustaining. If he has a true interest he could get around your age preference merely by changing his. Even if he did that-- SO WHAT! All you'd have to do is block him -- end of story.
Angel -- If you really hand an interest in some of these men that you view and cannot contact them because they too have an age preference that doesn't include you -- SO WHAT! You have yourself chosen your own preferences -- how can you get bent out of shape if you don't fit the preference of someone else? Why should they be made to feel ashamed of what they indicate they want simply because it doesn't fit your moral idea of who a male of his age should be dating. News flash Angel -- for an older woman, you have a very judgmental side.
So you don't find older men attractive or of interest Cousin Itt--we get that. Don't assume though that every older male looking at your profile is flirting or "wants you" simply because they clicked on your profile to find out if you have a face--lol. Angel -- so you are miffed that older men you find attractive and of interest are not interested in a woman your age -- we get that but both of you shaming men for having a preference for a younger woman is judgmental considering the two of you have made your own preferences known. Tsk - Tsk to the both of YOU!
in which case it's no different then someone who looks at you in public.
Dkj--some women just have to have something to rag about, lol. If it's not too many views that bother them -- it's too few. If the views aren't by men too young -- they are views from men too old-- blah blah blah -- :ROFL:
I don't know what your "con's" have been as you did not elaborate. With any online-dating website there WILL be pro's and con's. In my opinion, the pro's for this website are:
-It's Free -- so many websites are NOT free. I've paid for a couple of them and I know that simply because you have to pay for a site does not mean the site itself has vetted the registrants even though one would think that paying for a site would garner you a "better class" of people, it doesn't. So with any site there will be a faction of people with good and bad intent. You will learn who is and who isn't worthy of your investment of time. The pro being, you don't have an outlay of cash -- just time.
-This site has a chat feature, a forum feature and instant messaging (when it works). All of these are avenues in which you can communicate effectively with others and if the opportunity arises, you can forged new friendships with people you find of interest.
-You can block those persons you find you don't care communicate with.
The Con's--are as varied as the Pro's can be. With anything in life--you will get out of it what you put into it. You will find some Christians here that you can readily relate to and some you cannot. Those you cannot relate to, you needn't further contact. Those you can relate to -- if you're lucky -- will be open to communication with you. Best of luck to you!
You have no idea why men click on your profile. You are assuming simply because they do and are of an older age it is with some nefarious intent in mind. I clicked on your profile because of your photo -- I was trying to get a better look at you. At first, when viewing your thumb-nail photo, when I couldn't make out your face, I thought you might possibly be the female version of "Cousin Itt" from the "Adam's Family".
Cousin Itt was a fictional character in an american television series. His entire body was covered in hair -- lol. :ROFL:
My original point being -- If you are creeped out by by males (regardless of their age) viewing your profile there are some options available to you. Either don't look at who is viewing you -- because what you don't know cannot bother you. Remove your photo altogether -- which would make it less likely that anyone would view you, or learn to deal with it. When you join a website such as this one that does not have in place a feature that disallows males NOT in your preferred age range to simply view your profile -- it will happen. Not unlike real life where anyone who sees you out in public can look at you, lol.
Oh, and LOL @ your "man enough" comment directed at me because I choose not to post a picture. I found that ironic since the picture YOU do post doesn't even show your face -- :ROFL: I'm not the one whining about women looking at my profile in the forums Cousin Itt. :nahnah:
