I want to start a new thread today based on something that happened recently. It is becoming so common place on this site, that I think it's worth addressing. And that is: "RUDE BEHAVIOUR."
Perhaps you have been a victim. Or perhaps you have been guilty of it. Let us examine it.
A couple of days ago I sent a polite email to someone who was new on this site. I always welcome them and ask if they have a testimony to share of how they came to Christ and would they like mine. I sent it off and to my surprise, it was instantly read. There was no immediate response... which is not unusual. I checked the next day and there was still nothing.
"They must be shy," I thought. I wrote a poem ... talking about the virtues of Christ inside of us being a hidden treasure. I sent it off and again instantly she read it. However, as before, there was no response. "That's strange," I thought. Why would someone read your email instantly as soon as it arrived but not respond? What did I do or say that could have possibly caused her not to respond?
I sent a third email. This one was completely ignored. Now I have to confess. I have had my emails ignored before...but none made me as offended as this lady's actions( or lack thereof). For two days, I did nothing, till finally I could not hold back. I sent the following email not knowing if she would ever read it. I prayed that she would:
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It is never wrong to be courteous
Message : ...No...I'm not a stalker, a scammer, a bug-a boo, or someone who just fell off the planet. However, whether you know it or not, I felt that way. Your silence is more painful than a courteous... "I'm not interested." I know these dating sites are full of strange people and you may have been a victim to such abuse.
Yet, for the most part, there are real Christian men on this site who have feelings just like you. And just as you would want them to be courteous to you, they desire the same treatment.
Just to let you know, I'm not in the least bit interested in dialoguing with you if you're not like minded. There are a lot of nice Christian ladies who write me that I do not consider as a future mate. Yet as a believer in Christ, I treat them with the respect that a child of God deserves. I do not ignore them as if they do not exist. We represent Jesus Christ to the world and to each other. Let us behave in such a way...so as to glorify our Saviour.
Blessings,
Paul
*************************************************
Believe it or not...she did read it... even though she never read the previous email. This was her only response... the site's computer generated answer: "Sorry, I dont think we would make a good match." Then she promptly took herself off the site.
WOW... from RUDE to SPITE... and that was someone who calls themself a Christian... who claims to love Jesus with all their heart.
Now contrast that please to another lady who politely sent this response to my email only one day later:
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Paul,
Thanks for replying, but we live too far apart. I wish you the best of luck!!!
Take care,
Chris
*************************************************
I got the message loud and clear of "no interest" without being offended. It was personal (not computer generated ) and signed. I was so delighted in receiving it that I sent this response:
*************************************************
Thanks Chris for taking the time to reply
Message : And thank you for being courteous enough to reply.
Blessings,
Paul
*************************************************
I have had many ladies respond to my emails with gratefulness that I even wrote them back... citing how rude they had been treated by guys who simply ignore ther email.
I know there are lots of weirdos and kooks on this site whose only recourse you have to their harrassment is to ignore or "Block" them. I understand that. But that does not excuse you for behaving rudely towards a legitimate brother or sister in Christ. For the way you treat them is the way you are treating Jesus. It costs you nothing to be courteous.
Remember...there are people behind those emails. They are not blimps on your radar screen. They have feelings just like you. Treat them with the respect that a child of God deserves. Ignoring them is RUDE. Computer generated answers is RUDE. Blocking them for no good reason is also RUDE.
I want to start a new thread today based on something that happened recently. It is becoming so common place on this site, that I think it's worth addressing. And that is: "RUDE BEHAVIOUR."
Perhaps you have been a victim. Or perhaps you have been guilty of it. Let us examine it.
A couple of days ago I sent a polite email to someone who was new on this site. I always welcome them and ask if they have a testimony to share of how they came to Christ and would they like mine. I sent it off and to my surprise, it was instantly read. There was no immediate response... which is not unusual. I checked the next day and there was still nothing.
"They must be shy," I thought. I wrote a poem ... talking about the virtues of Christ inside of us being a hidden treasure. I sent it off and again instantly she read it. However, as before, there was no response. "That's strange," I thought. Why would someone read your email instantly as soon as it arrived but not respond? What did I do or say that could have possibly caused her not to respond?
I sent a third email. This one was completely ignored. Now I have to confess. I have had my emails ignored before...but none made me as offended as this lady's actions( or lack thereof). For two days, I did nothing, till finally I could not hold back. I sent the following email not knowing if she would ever read it. I prayed that she would:
*************************************************
It is never wrong to be courteous
Message : ...No...I'm not a stalker, a scammer, a bug-a boo, or someone who just fell off the planet. However, whether you know it or not, I felt that way. Your silence is more painful than a courteous... "I'm not interested." I know these dating sites are full of strange people and you may have been a victim to such abuse.
Yet, for the most part, there are real Christian men on this site who have feelings just like you. And just as you would want them to be courteous to you, they desire the same treatment.
Just to let you know, I'm not in the least bit interested in dialoguing with you if you're not like minded. There are a lot of nice Christian ladies who write me that I do not consider as a future mate. Yet as a believer in Christ, I treat them with the respect that a child of God deserves. I do not ignore them as if they do not exist. We represent Jesus Christ to the world and to each other. Let us behave in such a way...so as to glorify our Saviour.
Blessings,
Paul
*************************************************
Believe it or not...she did read it... even though she never read the previous email. This was her only response... the site's computer generated answer: "Sorry, I dont think we would make a good match." Then she promptly took herself off the site.
WOW... from RUDE to SPITE... and that was someone who calls themself a Christian... who claims to love Jesus with all their heart.
Now contrast that please to another lady who politely sent this response to my email only one day later:
*************************************************
Paul,
Thanks for replying, but we live too far apart. I wish you the best of luck!!!
Take care,
Chris
*************************************************
I got the message loud and clear of "no interest" without being offended. It was personal (not computer generated ) and signed. I was so delighted in receiving it that I sent this response:
*************************************************
Thanks Chris for taking the time to reply
Message : And thank you for being courteous enough to reply.
Blessings,
Paul
*************************************************
I have had many ladies respond to my emails with gratefulness that I even wrote them back... citing how rude they had been treated by guys who simply ignore ther email.
I know there are lots of weirdos and kooks on this site whose only recourse you have to their harrassment is to ignore or "Block" them. I understand that. But that does not excuse you for behaving rudely towards a legitimate brother or sister in Christ. For the way you treat them is the way you are treating Jesus. It costs you nothing to be courteous.
Remember...there are people behind those emails. They are not blimps on your radar screen. They have feelings just like you. Treat them with the respect that a child of God deserves. Ignoring them is RUDE. Computer generated answers is RUDE. Blocking them for no good reason is also RUDE.
CHEMISTRY... what is it?... and... is it important?
Posted : 11 Oct, 2009 11:07 PM
Thank you to everyone who has responded. Your insights are very much appreciated. I've come to realize that beyond the physical attraction, chemistry also needs to happen in the soul... in the spirit... in the mind...and in communication between one another. That coming together as one in ALL aspects is such a beautiful thought and certainly worth seeking.
CHEMISTRY... what is it?... and... is it important?
Posted : 3 Oct, 2009 08:12 AM
Hi...I wanted to spread the thread this morning about a subject that is regarded among some in Christendom to be a sign of carnality... and that's the word "Chemistry".
I've come across this word in several ladies' profiles as a sort of a "don't waste my time".... if "chemistry" is not there. I've been on this site for about a year now and talked with hundreds of ladies and have come to this conclusion: That "chemistry" is indeed important in a relationship...that spark...that WOW...that magic( oops...did I say that word ).
What is it?...It seems to me firstly that it is a physical attraction to that person. When Jacob saw Rachel and Leah standing before him...why did he fall head over heels for Rachel and not Leah? Why was he so willing to work for Laban 7 years and another 7 years to be officially married to Rachel? And what was so special about Sarah that Abraham was drawn to? Even Isaac was blessed with a beautiful wife. Obviously God did not think it was carnal or sinful to find someone attractive if He would allow Abraham, Jacob, and Isaac to be blessed with beautiful wives.
In regards to searching for my wife... I admit...that if I am not attracted to a lady physically I really do not have a desire to go further, regardless of other great qualities she may possess. Am I carnal?
Someone will quote to me 1Samuel 16:7 as evidence of my carnality that God looks at the heart and man looks on the outward appearance. BUT WAIT!.... God was simply pointing out a truth, not a condemnation. I'm not God...I'm a man. God put two eyes in my head to be attracted to beauty. No one thinks it's wrong to find flowers beautiful, or a mountain, or the stars. Why is it wrong therefore to be attracted to someone's outward beauty? Why is it thought in Christendom that when looking for a mate one must only look on the heart and disregard the outward?
However, as my son pointed out ...chemistry between people is a MUTUAL attraction... I agree... It's not really chemistry if your attraction towards someone is all one sided. I have found many ladies attractive on this site who simply did not find me attractive...no chemistry. And there are ladies who find me attractive...but I do not feel the same way towards them...no chemistry.
Yet... I must confess that I have discovered that chemistry GOES DEEPER than the outward appearance. On two separate experiences where there was mutual physical attraction between us...there was still something missing... we were not connecting on all cylinders. So we decided to mutually agree to part company. If the chemistry is not there... why try to force it?
So...my intellectual friends... let's hear your insight on Chemistry 101...What is it ? And is it important?
CHEMISTRY... what is it?... and... is it important?
Posted : 1 Oct, 2009 09:57 AM
Hi...I wanted to open a new thread this morning about a subject that is regarded among some in Christendom to be a sign of carnality... and that's the word "Chemistry".
I've come across this word in several ladies' profiles as a sort of a "don't waste my time".... if "chemistry" is not there. I've been on this site for about a year now and talked with hundreds of ladies and have come to this conclusion: That "chemistry" is indeed important in a relationship...that spark...that WOW...that magic( oops...did I say that word ).
What is it?...It seems to me firstly that it is a physical attraction to that person. When Jacob saw Rachel and Leah standing before him...why did he fall head over heels for Rachel and not Leah? Why was he so willing to work for Laban 7 years and another 7 years to be officially married to Rachel? And what was so special about Sarah that Abraham was drawn to? Even Isaac was blessed with a beautiful wife. Obviously God did not think it was carnal or sinful to find someone attractive if He would allow Abraham, Jacob, and Isaac to be blessed with beautiful wives.
In regards to searching for my wife... I admit...that if I am not attracted to a lady physically I really do not have a desire to go further, regardless of other great qualities she may possess. Am I carnal?
Someone will quote to me 1Samuel 16:7 as evidence of my carnality that God looks at the heart and man looks on the outward appearance. BUT WAIT!.... God was simply pointing out a truth, not a condemnation. I'm not God...I'm a man. God put two eyes in my head to be attracted to beauty. No one thinks it's wrong to find flowers beautiful, or a mountain, or the stars. Why is it wrong therefore to be attracted to someone's outward beauty? Why is it thought in Christendom that when looking for a mate one must only look on the heart and disregard the outward?
However, as my son pointed out ...chemistry between people is a MUTUAL attraction... I agree... It's not really chemistry if your attraction towards someone is all one sided. I have found many ladies attractive on this site who simply did not find me attractive...no chemistry. And there are ladies who find me attractive...but I do not feel the same way towards them...no chemistry.
Yet... I must confess that I have discovered that chemistry GOES DEEPER than the outward appearance. On two separate experiences where there was mutual physical attraction between us...there was still something missing... we were not connecting on all cylinders. So we decided to mutually agree to part company. If the chemistry is not there... why try to force it?
So...my intellectual friends... let's hear your insight on Chemistry 101...What is it ? And is it important?
I want to give a big thanks to all of you who have responded to my question. I have been blessed and I am sure that there are as many varied answers to my question as there are people on this planet. Perhaps others will come aboard and share their advice as well.
This is a great dating site....and I appreciate them so much, for offering such services for free.
Hi. I would like to start a new thread today based on something that happened just recently. It stirred up a question that begs an answer.
I met a very nice lady on this site whom I consider very special and I still think she is. We happily shared a bit of our testimonies and then she shared somewhat of her past. So...I decided to share mine.
Her response was not very favourable...it was "too much too soon" as she put it. She openly admitted that it had bothered her because of issues in her previous marriage. She did thank me for being honest but felt such information would have been best for a later time.
I felt absolutely terrible, worthless, and condemned. I emailed her immediately and apologized for stirring up such painful memories in her and for chasing her away. A few days past and there was no response. So...I sent an email asking her if she still despised me and would it have made a difference to her if I had shared my past 6 months into a relationship. This was her response:
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"No, I do not despise you at all! You are my brother in Christ.
I have dated and visited with a lot of men in the past two years and have never had this type of discussion with any of them. It is good to share our past but at the right time and with the right people. It was not the right time for me and I ask you to honor that.
I do appreciate your desire to be honest and open and desire God's best for your life."
*************************************************
Encouraged by this letter...I went to respond to it ...only to discover that I had been "BLOCKED" from sending private messages to her. Perhaps her actions spoke louder than her words.
I have shared my past with many on this site. I have never had this response. For the most part, it is my heartfelt desire that only the woman who is to be my wife would know everything about me. Yet I find, that in my desire to be completely open and transparent with someone whom I'm interested in ...that I want to share my past as she shares with me. Why?....because I want my wife to know everything about me...that there is no pretense,
So here's the question: When should one share their past? ...or should they?
It is obvious by this lady's response that it was "too much too soon". Yet her "Blocking" me sent an even louder message...that sharing my past 6 months later would also have been "too soon".
Someone had suggested do not share your past at all...it's all under the blood of Jesus anyways...so why drag it up? That is true...Yet I believe so strongly in intimacy and that the woman who has my "rib"... is part of me... and that she has a right to know. Now if I wait till our honeymoon to share my past only to discover that she would have never married me had she known...then I would be guilty of deception of the worst kind.
So...is there a wise woman or man among you who has an answer. If it was this painful to feel rejected so early in a relationship...how painful would it be for this same rejection to happen 6 months down the road or on your honeymoon? Is it better to share early or wait till she is madly in love with you ..and her love has blinded her to your faults?
