I so totally relate. I've always wondered if a woman liked me for what I DO musically, for my talents of playing, singing, and songwriting, or for who I really am without those things... although what I DO is really a part of who I am. I usually try to establish there's some interest in just ME before I ever let her hear my music.
I just saw that you're in Ohio...I'd be interested in what you do and maybe networking some...
Knowing who you are as a son of God and being comfortable with receiving love from a loving Father is the most crucial thing in my point.
Just as Jesus was asked about the ten commandments and summed them up in two...Love the Lord your God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself, the rest of the commandments flow naturally from those two.
Same with being comfortable with love. If a man doesn't know his father or has a bad relationship with him, that affects his relationship with His heavenly Father and he won't be comfortable receiving and giving love (not affection, the unconditional unselfish self sacrificing kind of love). This love and affirmation is supposed to come naturally from a loving and affirming Father and when it's not there, a man gets a "father wound". In lieu of that natural father love, a man can still get that Father wound healed and learn to know love from His heavenly Father...I'm case in point.
If a man has this, all the fruits of the spirit will come naturally as he grows in his walk.
If you really want to know what to look for in a man, I recommend every woman read two books:
"Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge, which goes into great detail about the "father wound"... And
The answer for me is complicated and takes time to fix. I struggled with rejection my whole life as a major major issue that was part of what cost me my career, my ministry, and my marriage. At the core of the issue was rejection by my dad...never measuring up, never being affirmed, never hearing him say he loved me or that he was proud of me. Wounded people wound people, and my dad had never had that from his dad.
To have a loving father affirm you as a son is crucial to your self image. When it doesn't happen, and you don't have a loving father in your life, that translates over to your heavenly Father and you believe the same things about Him...that He doesn't really like you, doesn't really approve of you, isn't proud of you, doesn't really love you, etc.
What changed my life completely was having that area of my heart healed, and getting that revelation firmly planted in my heart that I AM HIS BELOVED SON, and He loves me no matter what, and its more than just head knowledge now...I can actually feel it in my heart where it needs to be. I'm affirmed now by my heavenly Father and know that I know that I know that no matter who rejects me on earth, that HE will never reject me, never leave me, never forsake me. I always "knew" that in my head, but couldn't receive it in my heart of heart where it needed to be. It took some healing and lots of time in His presence, letting Him soak that truth into my heart and into my spirit.
Now that I have this truth firmly planted where it needs to be, He is my self confidence and all fear of rejection is gone. The result is that I hardly ever have to experience rejection! If a woman doesn't receive my approaches, I know that it's not because of who I am...I'm a royal prince of the most high God Who loves me more than anything!
And that's true of you too...you just have to spend enough time in His presence to hear HIM say it to you till you believe it way down deep. :)
I don't think guys in your age range really have a clue what they're really looking for! I know I didn't when I was that age. And it's epidemic how much young men lack the affirmation and self confidence needed to overcome that fear of rejection and initiate.
If I had one profile suggestion for ladies on here, it would be to have a really good close up pic of your face as your main pic. Guys click click click on those thumbnails that show up on the top of each page, and in a row of tiny thumbnails, the best close ups stand out the most. I think it will draw more visitors to your profile where they can read and get to know you.
I never use winks for first contact, but I can see a use for them for ladies. As I posted on the other thread, I think men were created to be the initiators and pursuers, and ladies were created to be the responders and receivers. A lady sending a wink says I'm interested in being pursued by you, and I'm hoping you will initiate and make the first move. I agree that a guy sending a wink is just being to lazy to come up with something to say in the first e-mail.
I will, however, sometimes wink at someone I'm corresponding with on here just to be flirty...I mean I can't exactly send flowers!
Is it normal for men stop talking after good communication?
Posted : 30 Jan, 2010 09:57 PM
From "He's Just Not That Into You" :
."a man would rather be run over by a heard of elephants, than tell you he's not into you.."
Yes, guys do this. They lack the emotional understanding of what it does to women to have constant contact and then disappear for no reason at all, with no closure. There is also an endless list of possible things that happened in his real life that drew his attention away.
Perhaps it would help to look at his actions of deleting you as a friend as closure, and realize he was NOT the man for you...the man for you will never leave you hanging that way. God has something WAY better in store...now go and delete all his e-mails and traces of your contact with him, and move on toward the that "something WAY better"!
Big Smile from you...make eye contact (make sure he is looking at you) and then say "I Like you". Then hope and pray that he is not stupid or 10 or 15 years older than you and will probably die before you...or something like that.
Arch,
Maybe you like older women, but I don't have a problem with 10 or 15 years younger, and men normally get to go to heaven first anyway. Most of the ladies' profiles I've seen on here are okay with 10 years older OR younger...it's all based on maturity levels and life experience, not age.
Gotta agree with Jenni and Mark. Take it slow...avoid negative things like complaining and "lists"...if you compliment, be appropriate and focus on her profile instead of her pics! Don't get all bent out of shape and send her a second e-mail if she doesn't get back to your first one right away...ladies get 10 times more mail than men.
Many ladies are on a site like this for the first time, and they are REALLY nervous. Even though the wackos are few and far between, just like a plane crash they get a LOT of press...that's just the way it is. Your job is to avoid ANYTHING that even remotely smells like a wacko, and convince her slowly that not only are you NOT a wacko, but you're a pretty great guy. ANY kind of pressure spells w-a-c-k-o. You gotta talk a lot about yourself via e-mail so that she gets convinced that first of all you are SAFE and second, what a great guy you are, and you gotta ask her stuff too so it doesn't seem all about you. Balance is key cuz every woman wants a balanced guy. Be patient and use e-mail...after three or four exchanges, most ladies are ready to progress to texting or talking on the phone. Then be patient with phone or text and don't press hard for the meeting until she's comfortable. Even then, it most likely won't be a date the first time...maybe the second time.
I can't overemphasize...be patient! Pressure of any kind is a huge turn off! Ladies? Back me up here. :)
I agree with Paradude...since ladies are outnumbered and get deluged with approaches of all kinds, they naturally ignore more guys than vice versa.
On winking...I never use it except MAYBE to flirt with someone I've already sent e-mail to and they've responded. I NEVER send a wink first...it's unnatural I think, for a guy. Guys should write e-mails first and the reason they don't is fear of rejection or not knowing what to say in the first e-mail. In my opinion, the best function of the wink is for a lady to use it to get noticed while avoiding being the one to make first contact. I believe men were created to be the initiators and the pursuers, and ladies were created to be the responders and receivers.
With that said, I ignore winks all the time. Call it rude, but that IS my way of saying I'm not interested! I try never to ignore e-mails. Compare the two with in person meetings in real life. Seriously...isn't that what we're imitating here online? if you wink at me across the room and I'm not interested, I'm going to act like I didn't see it. I'm not going to come over and say "Hi...I saw that wink, but I'm really not interested in you." You'd think I was a jerk! But if you come up to me and talk to me, I'm not going to ignore you! Hey I might even decide I was interested after all!
