I was reading a post online today at work about a women who said her husband was only nice to her when he wanted sex. She had lost respect for him due to some other decisions he had made and ultimately could not stand to sleep in the same bed with him or hear him breathe.
Another woman had told me that her husband had cheated on her and she tried to reconcile but she could never stand to have him touch her any more.
A bit extreme..Ladies can we articulate for men what makes us sextually attracted to them?
SOS 5:10-16
**I BELIEVE SEX IS ONLY FOR THE CONFINES OF MARRIAGE**
I've never been married, and I'm still a virgin. So I don't really know what makes me sexually attracted to a man. I do know, though that if I'm already attracted to a man, and then I see him having fun playing with a child, or holding a child that needs comforting, or giving his full attention to a conversation with a child...well, the attraction increases greatly. It shows his character, attitude, strength, gentleness, compassion, and intensity. It makes me start wondering if he would make a good father.
I don't know if that would really be called sexual attraction, since it doesn't really make me want to go hop into bed with him right then...but it is a different kind of attraction than I usually feel for a guy. And this kind of attraction never happens unless there is already some other initial attraction in place.
Does that answer the question at all?
(BTW, I've also seen guys who attempted to interact with kids only as a way to get a girl's attention, and once he had her attention, he went right back to ignoring kids...NOT attractive.)
I didn't want to be the first one to respond! Now that pianogal has said her piece (which I agree w/), I feel a little more comfortable here... This is such a delicate topic and I struggle w/ how to talk about it in a way that isn't inappropriate. But here goes...
As many of you know here, I was raped in August by an ex-boyfriend. And I have a rather long history of sexual violence actually. I certainly don't need to go into great detail here, but I will say that I was abused sexually as a child by multiple people. When I was around 4 years old, I was recruited into what is officially termed a "syndicated sex ring," which basically means that I was forced into having sex with dozens of men over the years. Some of this was captured on film (and likely distributed/sold). And there was monetary compensation given for the sexual acts... As w/ any kind of prostitution, only a small percentage of it was actually passed onto me. (And I gave it all away as offering at church, in case anyone was wondering!)
I say all of that to give you all a reference point here and to put my views into perspective.
If you were to ask me a few years ago what sexual attraction is or what causes people to become sexually attracted to another, I would have told you that it's entirely something physical. I would have said that men want to have sex with females because they're looking to have a very specific physical experience and that as long as the female is shaped a certain way and anatomically equipped in certain ways, that any female would do... That is, that sexual attraction to another isn't dependent upon who that other person is. In a sexual relationship, the only thing that matters is the physical body the person is in and their ability to perform certain tasks in bed and follow instructions.
And if you were to ask me a few years ago what I think about sex, I would have told you that I hate it and that it's something physically painful and humiliating, and that I have every intention of getting out of sexual duties in marriage as often as possible. And I would have said that if I wanted extra money for new clothes or whatever, that I wouldn't hesitate to ask my hubby for money in exchange for sex. I would have explained that wanting to have sex with someone means that you're selfish and only care about fleeting, physical pleasures and that if you were really godly man you wouldn't desire to use your wife that way.
Thank goodness the Lord kept me single all those years! I can't imagine entering into marriage with those attitudes. "Sure, I'll have sex w/ you, honey, but I think you're selfish and I expect you to pay me for this."
I still have my days where I struggle to come to terms with the fact that sex is good and that it is a God-ordained part of marriage and something that I must be able to take delight in and engage in w/ gladness. But, for the most part, I have a Biblical perspective on things now, as the Lord really has done some amazing things in my heart in the past year or two. So, here is what would attract me to my future husband sexually and make me want to make love to him:
1. Knowing that he loves me for ME, regardless of how my body looks during that season of life.
2. Knowing that he respects me and doesn't want to engage in anything that would embarrass me or compromise my dignity. And that he wouldn't bark orders to me in the bedroom or make me feel ashamed if I don't perform "properly."
3. Knowing that he wants to serve me rather than just fulfill his own physical desires, and that he's willing to go as slow as necessary to make sure that I'm doing okay.
4. Knowing that he desires intimacy with me and not just physical pleasure. That is, that he would want to be close to me through snuggling, etc. even if that didn't lead into having actual intercourse.
5. Not leaving God out of the bedroom. I'd want to spend at least as much time praying together in bed and studying the Bible in bed as I would having sex.
6. Having him verbally express that the pleasure he gets from making love with me isn't just physical, but that he delights in being able to love me in a tangible way through such a vulnerable act and in growing our relationship through that.
And I think that many of those things can be exhibited during the courtship/dating period, as they are attitudes that manifest themselves in ways.
Maybe women here are busy in the mean time.. Or had some internet issues (like me lol) so, this post doesn't invite too much comments :purpleangel:
I am a virgin as well, so maybe I am not that experienced in sexual attraction. But I do hear a lot of stories like this, wives don't want to be touched by their hubbies of different reasons.
What am I going to say might not correct since well I am just guessing around here. And, not all women are the same.
Mmmm sexually attractive, well, I think for women, women need to be pursued, hear nice words, promises followed by action, touched.. I am not sure that women can be turned on that fast sexually like men are, and women are more selective in choosing whom they would have sexual relationship with.
So, I think women can be sexually attracted by words of love, persuasion, physical, touching.. Basically just a form of action I guess.
Did I even make any sense of what I was saying lol
Well if being assotiated with children causes a woman to be sexually aroused I'ld be beating them off me with a stick :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL:really, I probably get rejected because of my children.
I wonder if the sexual attraction for a woman is strongest after the relationship is started. Women usually arent into to me until they get to know me, than its a very different story.
@ you women that are havent experienced it yet, the man who knows what he is doing is where its at (typically older). The best has yet to come :)
Rabbit, are you saying that women should go after sexually experienced men because they'll know what they're doing?
It's my impression that all women are different... which would mean that even the most sexually adept man will likely not instantaneously know how to pleasure his wife at first.
Sooo... not to say anything against men who are not virgins, but I'm not sure that there's really any advantage there.
Pixy, don't mind rabbit, he is just doing a bit of shameless self promotion.
Yes, sex is a lot better with experience. But, there is no better experience than spending time with each other and learning how to please each other. Prior sexual experince is only an advantage for a short period of time. All men can become great lovers if they are willing to put the effort into learning how to please their wife.
