Author	Thread: Outward looking in
david3by9 View Profile History	Outward looking in Posted : 10 Dec, 2009 09:26 AM In many profiles that I have read, woman often question why men are so oriented to the way a woman looks. My question relates to this and posted profiles. If how a woman looks externally doesn't matter why do woman post photos on dating sites that show them at their best or when they were younger? And it seems that they also are concerned at how other women see them also, won't go someplace without their makeup, yet at the same time question why men are looking at how they look. This puzzles me. Can you women explain this to me? Thanks, David Post Reply
View Profile History	Outward looking in Posted : 14 Dec, 2009 06:20 PM hmm... it seems like women make it a rock and a hard place for guys. if a guy comments on a woman's physical attractive qualities, he runs the risk of being called "shallow" if he is attracted to her other traits, he runs the risk of making her feel unwanted and not able to keep his attention. its one of the reasons i don't make the first move but rather be myself and let the woman pursue. Post Reply
View Profile History	Outward looking in Posted : 14 Dec, 2009 08:23 PM Guys, I hear ya.....women can be very difficult to understand, but guess what? We made them that way! We men have been running this planet since Adam and probably not too soon after Adam we started demanding the way we wanted our women to act and look. Women do so many difficult, time cosuming (even painful) things just to please us men! Just to look "beautiful" for us. Yes.. they also want their fellow sisters approval, but it is done for our pleasure. Imagine having to shave your legs and armpits and pluck and color and this and that and watch what you eat and...all the time just wanting to be loved for who the really are! This Dichotomy was created by us men. Me personally, I'll put up with whatever idiosyncrasy they manifest (as long as it is not neurotic) and happily will adjust. Guys...we need them! So I say bear with them and besides...we act the same way...don't we? Peace Post Reply
Tarasye View Profile History	Outward looking in Posted : 15 Dec, 2009 02:20 AM As I read all the thoughts on this what I see is that Satan takes the qualities that stroke us best and exploits them, twists them. In the hypothetical concepts are adjusted and twisted to fit some less then relevant pattern. Like the older, less attractive waitress is somehow "lacking" in some quality of genuine warmth and sincerity. Trust me, a good waitress does not lack those qualities, and she was a great waitress. It isn't that she didn't make good tips, for she did. I knew them both very well. Both super people, but the attractive girl had no focus. If she had had no looks, she would have had no job, for I guarantee the complaints would have been stronger. Any woman that has ever worked as a waitress has seen this. Had a girl in my lobby the other day that was working as a cocktail waitress. I asked her if this was her first job in this type of business and she said it was. I asked her how she got her job, and she said she was shopping in the mall and the owner of the bar saw her and said she was attractive and would make a good waitress and should come down and apply. She was probably not over 22, if not just barely old enough to legally serve. People can deny this point all day long, but if you go into any place that is competitive in that market, they are not hiring the handicapped, or elderly, despite their experience and the reason for it is that people are forgiving of beauty, and are far less patient with someone that is physically less appealing to them. Yes that is very shallow, welcome to the gene pool of a twisted world. But the world does not look with Christian eyes, it looks with worldly eyes, and as Christians, we need to constantly guard against the way Satan has programmed and twisted this. I in no way mean to imply that people should not "take care" of themselves, for they should, but there is a difference between taking care of one self and adorning oneself beyond that point, which is HUGE today. What we are really talking about is vanity and how it feeds off lust. That is taking the laws of attraction and twisting and exploiting them, something the devil is good at. Something the devil is subtle at. Something we as people are often totally unaware of, mostly because when thing feel good, we don't want to take the time to look at them too closely from a Godlike perspective, for we might have to address it through faith if we see it for the way it is. It is not wrong to find someone attractive, but make sure the reason you find them attractive is the right reason and not some twisted exploited reason. This is not at all directed toward men either for if you flip this pancake over, it is often just the same with women. You notice the scammers are not stealing average photos to hook people out there. In fact they often don't care the gender of the photo and will play with anyone that will take the bait. We can deny it all we want to, but it is a blatant obvious fact that the world markets toward physical beauty and sexual attraction. You don't see a lot of marketing campaigns centered around what we should be looking at in a mate, like respect and integrity, sincerity and putting other in front of our own desires. Whether someone is male or female, they need to guard their hearts against such things of the world and constantly ask themselves if this is a person the Lord would want for us, or if this is just something we want for ourselves. And trust me, it is just as hard for Godly women as it is for Godly men. I in no way am trying to place the blame on one gender over another, for wicked is wicked is wicked and when we guard not our hearts we succumb to deceptive things. Even Solomon, a man of great wisdom, was seduced by sex and power. It is so easy to be led astray by the things that are pleasing to our eyes. Things that make us feel powerful or attractive, like a star that believes their own press on the way up, until the rags only want to print the next way to bring them down. That is just an amplified version of his tactics to deceive all of us. I say that we should dwell not upon these tactics of the world around us, but should look with new eyes, the eyes the Lord wants us to have toward each other. I noticed that no one responded to the difference in that attraction of the eye before they were saved as opposed. I used to find the physical beauty, the bad boy thing hugely attractive. I can still feel that pull, but with the new eyes of understanding in the Lord, I look for a man that is concerned about his walk with Christ and what the Lord wants for him. That shows in the way he carries himself, respects himself and others, and in the way he has a working knowledge in the Word, and lives and walks in it. The man I find most attractive right now, is a large man that is significantly struggling with his weight, but he has a kindness in him that is genuine, and he serves in the church willingly, loves the Lord and prays, puts other first. The Joy of the Lord flows from him. I would not have looked at him twice with worldly eyes, for I probably would not have seen him at all. I am comfortable around him, and do not feel like it is a job interview and if we both "pass" we become a couple. But often the ones we hope take initiative often do not. These questions feel like a wrestling to escape that worldly grip, which in many ways is a trap that we rather like and don't mind being in cuz its appealing. Inner beauty doesn't fade cuz I guarantee that when you are in your mid nineties, even a girl twenty years younger isn't going to have bleached pearly whites, beautiful hair extensions and colored contacts that all make her look like a beautiful china doll. Attractive is a Godly person that has been married to the same person for fifty years and still thinks they are the BEST thing that ever happened to them and they are truly fortunate to be richly blessed. We know in our hearts if we are shallow, and quick to find an excuse to make it right or okay. We have all been there and done that. So stop wondering about why those around you do what they do, and put on the glasses of your faith to start seeing others with new eyes of faith and not the old vision of the world. Tarasye Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Outward looking in Posted : 15 Dec, 2009 08:44 AM I just think this argument is a little like chasing your tail. Possibly a "chicken or the egg" scenario. Is it a woman's envy because she lacks what someone else was born with, or is it a man's unsatisfaction that drives women to make themselves prettier? Personally, I see both. I think it's pretty safe to say that the blame can be spread around very evenly. As for who started it...I think we forget who's behind all this sometimes. I don't think men started it, I don't think women started it. Who's sin was greater in the Garden of Eden? Eve's? Adam's? Nope. Satan's. We should blame the source, and forgive the twisted human nature. BOTH men and women treat beautiful people with higher regard, and that's wrong. BOTH men and women put pressure on the opposite sex about shallow stuff...also wrong. On the other hand...God created beauty. God created people to appreciate beauty. BUT that was supposed to be in a place where everything and everyone was beautiful. Satan has manipulated and degenerated our race and our world to incite more sinful behavior. As Christians we need to fight it all the way. Everyone should have a chance to be equal and beautiful to a christian, because we are supposed to look at the inward. :stop::stop:However! Marriage is another matter. You do not need to be married to a person to love them like Christ does. Have to remember...marriage is NOT something that draws us closer to God. It can, but Paul says that unmarried people serve God better. So what would be the reasons for getting married? There's only a few reasons I can think of... To have someone to help you survive this world. A "helpmate". To procreate. Although I think people nowadays should mercifully consider adoption over procreation. To control the passions. If you treat marriage like you should, lust should no longer be a problem for either party. In fact, if you have no problems controlling your passions, don't get married. I know people like to say that it should only be a Christ-like character that qualifies someone to be a marriage partner, but I don't believe that is true. If that's the extent of your relationship with someone, then just call them a brother/sister and focus on staying married to Christ. 1 Corinthians 7:32-36. Character and personality are the most important thing in a potential marriage partner, but I think there needs to be a small amount of physical attraction as well. If you're in love with their character, and satisfied with their appearance, then that's the kind of person God wants you to marry. If you feel like you've found a person who's character outshines any outward beauty that may have attracted you, grab'em. Shouldn't matter what they look like, but I believe marriage partners should at least be satisfied with the outward appearance to guard against lust. :peace::peace: Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Outward looking in Posted : 15 Dec, 2009 08:45 AM And I was talking about a purer attraction then what the world advertises:goofball:... :peace::peace: Post Reply
david3by9 View Profile History	Outward looking in Posted : 15 Dec, 2009 11:01 AM Everyone has great points. Ultimately if we focus on God. Grow in our relationship with Him, we will have desire for the things that are godly. I don't nor will I spent all my waking hours wondering if I am having evil motives. The Holy Spirit convinces and convicts. He lives within me and keeps me on the right path. I choose instead to focus on those things that as Phil says, praiseworthy. We can try to exam everyone elses motives whether they be men or women, but ONLY God truly sees why people do what they do. If someone is shallow and is a believer, the hardships of life, trials and the like will work on that for sure. Depth comes as we seek Him the the fodder of difficulty, not because we are attractive or unattractive, overweight or thin, beautiful or plain. I have met plain people who were ungodly and I have met beautiful and handsome men and woman who were godly. It is not how we look on the outside that determines our character, it is how we respond to things we face in life. It is not a sin to be beautiful, we are just not to lean on this for our support. Neither riches, nor status, nor fame, nor marital situation. We are to trust in God. All other things can be IDOLS. Post Reply
Tarasye View Profile History	Outward looking in Posted : 16 Dec, 2009 12:40 AM Great point Mark, I like what you said about remembering who started this monkey business anyway. I like the thought of having a choice to take a higher road and not participate in his antics. We can't stop others, we can only control our own actions. Tarasye Post Reply
GraceMae View Profile History	Outward looking in Posted : 16 Dec, 2009 07:27 AM DontHitThatMark , I appreciate and have great respect for everything you expressed in your post reply. AMEN! *gracemae Post Reply
View Profile History	Outward looking in Posted : 16 Dec, 2009 07:41 AM dear folks, alot of what society calls beautiful people have wonderful beautiful hearts.. and some have dark hearts.. ive also seen alot of what society calls not as beautiful people have wonderful beautiful hearts.. and some have dark hearts.. so why does it make someone shallow for choosing someone thats attractive to them? beautiful to others or nay? i really dont quite get why people think we all shouldnt choose someone we find attractive ourselves.. one who meets our preferences.. do we really believe that were not sposed to choose someone that we are attracted to? the bible doesnt tell us not to find someone who is beautiful or handsome to us. but it does give us examples of what to look for in a mate.. so you find someone who youre attracted to and see if they have those qualities about them. when we speak ill of beautiful people just cause theyre beautiful i believe thats called reverse discrimination. as for without photos, i dont meet people offline that i havent seen so i wont do so online either.. ole cattle Post Reply
View Profile History	Outward looking in Posted : 4 Jan, 2011 06:44 PM Women,Like men want to be accepted for who they are.Many men and women are afraid to be written off based solely on how they look,so they try to look their best so someone will notice them.However I liked men whom others did not see as attractive because I got to know who they were inside.That does not mean don't try to look your best,but not all great men or women look like models. Post Reply

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