As I look at my experiences and wonder why it is hard for me to find a mate for myself I often look at the culture. The culture seems to tell us who people should be with. I once wrote a blog called the Zombie Box, which talks of how television influences how we think and see things. One of the issues that I talked about was how we see relationships. Men always wanted the women that were models. Women wanted the tall handsome man with muscles.
I know most men want the model, but that is not reality, not many look as good as you seen on TV, because it is not real. Many women appear to want someone that would protect them.
The blog also talked showed the culture and the Christianity. Sometimes the secular world seems to be better than the Church at look at people. I used an sitcom from the 90s called "Family Matters" where the nerd Steve Urkel was hurt because Laura did not want him around. Then an angel came to Laura in a dream., and in a reversal of roles Laura became the geek and Steve became the normal one. She was locked outside in the cold, and found that Steve had feelings like anyone else(normal people). In the end of the series they ended up being engaged to be married. On paper they would not look good, but were brought together. Often in the Church I would hear that certain people look good together, but should be together because of their call or spiritual state. Just because people don't look good on paper does not mean their not a good match. Should we do better than some TV show?
One thing that always got me is when I hear women say, "their looking for their Mr. Darcey." They see him as handsome and charming. I see him as arrogant and condescending. He comes across as one who thinks he can have his pick of women. Oh, I did try the watch the whole movie, got through more than half of it, just to ensure all who may be defensive of the movie that I did see it. Often I would hear women imagine themselves with him to a point it become idolatry. Should we go beyond what we see in a movie? I know I see Mr. Darcey differently than most women, but we know it is not real what we see in a movie.
I know I have flaws. I had women tell me I was too short, hard to be friends with, and that I was not attractive to them. Often I would hear that I was a nice guy, but would never date him or marry a guy like that. I have disabilities, and have to work harder than most to get things done, but God made who I am. He looks at the heart. Why don't we look at the heart?
You do? A friend ask a lady if she would date a guy that was disabled. She told him that she would. I don't know if should would. It is easy to say something like, "I look at the heart," than do it.
The culture tells us who we should and should not be with. We should the Lord guidance when it comes to relationships.
"I know I have flaws. I had women tell me I was too short, hard to be friends with, and that I was not attractive to them. Often I would hear that I was a nice guy, but would never date him or marry a guy like that. I have disabilities, and have to work harder than most to get things done, but God made who I am. He looks at the heart. Why don't we look at the heart?
You do? A friend ask a lady if she would date a guy that was disabled. She told him that she would. I don't know if should would. It is easy to say something like, "I look at the heart," than do it."
Yes, it is easier to say "I look at the heart" than it is to actually DO it. I think most of us ladies would like to think that we'll happily overlook any and all disabilities, both physical and mental, and that we'll completely accept a guy's appearance even if it's not "perfect." The reality, though, is that some of us are weaker than others, and some of us have weaknesses in certain areas while having strengths in other areas.
I personally am able to overlook physical appearance to an extent. (I just don't want to feel sick every time I see the guy...I don't think that's unreasonable!) I'm no super model myself, so why would I expect a guy who IS gorgeous to be interested in ME?
However, when it comes to certain physical and mental disabilities, though, I don't think I would be able to easily overlook them no matter how great the guy actually is. I know that sounds very harsh. Let me explain: I'm not a patient person. Yes, that is a serious character flaw of mine, and one that I work on constantly. (I'm actually a lot better than I used to be!) If someone can't keep up with me physically or mentally, I'm likely to get short-tempered with them, treat them like a child, leave them behind while I go do what needs to be done, etc. There could always be exceptions to this, but I really believe that unless God works a miracle in me and takes away all that impatience, I don't see myself making a good wife to someone with certain physical or mental disabilities. And it would be unfair to any guy for me to try to pretend otherwise.
So, while society does brainwash us in an attempt to show us what is "good" and "desirable" and "perfect", sometimes it is simply a girl's personality and character traits that make her choose to date or not date a person.
As a side note, I saw the movie "Captain America" over the weekend. The guy started out as a scrawny, helpless, frail individual. Girls never wanted to go out with him, and when they were set up on a blind date with him, they abandoned him for better-looking guys asap. Once he was transformed physically into Captain America, though, people's opinions of him changed, and he suddenly found that girls just loved him. Here's the kicker: throughout the movie, his personality didn't change. He was loyal, brave, kind, considerate...all good things. But it was very noticeable how the movie portrayed "good looks = get the girl". It was quite sad, actually.
So, while society does brainwash us in an attempt to show us what is "good" and "desirable" and "perfect", sometimes it is simply a girl's personality and character traits that make her choose to date or not date a person.
I agree. :applause:
I myself like a strong man, who can handle situations that arise. I am an impatient lady at times. Man is suppose to
be the strong figure in a relationship. If he is whimpy then
I would have a hard time seeing him as a Mate.
Unfortunately, we all still have our desires as to what we want in a physical man.
I have a friend for years and he is a very nice man. But when he wanted to get married, I just couldn't see him as a
real mate. That was Yrs. ago.
This guy was nice looking also. But sometimes Looks is not the important factor, when choose a spouse.
It depends on the disability. Some require special types of assistance that a person would require the ability to provide medical assistance. Not everyone has that skill set.
It also depends on if you are defined by your disability...is the disability used as an excuse for not being as successful? I know some "disabled" people who other than the physical evidence, one would never guess they were disabled. I know others who even though there is no visible sign, they have used their disability for not being able to do anything. I worked with a man who lost a leg in the war...I had no idea until I saw him sitting with his legs propped up and it was evident he had a prosthetic. I never bothered to discuss it with him because it was clear he was comfortable with his situation.
There's a song that says accentuate the positive. God chose each of us to deal with the situation we face...some people He knew could better handle the challenges of disfigurement, paralysis, or debilitating diseases. He also has the right person lined up that He prepared for you. Don't limit yourself.
Jason, just for the record, Mr. Darcy was a bit rude and condescending, but his real problem was that he felt out of place. When he was at his home and around people he knew he was a very kind and generous man. It was only when he visited places that he would hide himself emotionally. You have to watch towards the end to see that. That�s why women say they want a Mr. Darcy, not necessarily for his looks, but for his manners.
Actually, if you want a really great man in one of Jane Austen�s books, one should look to the very appropriately named Mr. Knightly. Of course you have to read the book to see his true caring character.
Jason what you say is true. People should not put so much focus on looks and status. But to say that looks dont matter would be a lie. After all you your self must care about how a woman looks. If not why do you have your age set from 18-35? You are 34. What if some nice lady wants to contact you but she is 36? Or even 40? The only reason I can think of would because you find younger ladies more attractive then older ones. Oh and don't pull out the " I want to be able to have children" card. My good friend is 36 and just had a baby.
The truth is we ALL care about looks. Some make it more of a priority then others. There is nothing wrong with being with some one you find attractive. The problem arises when it's all you care about.
One thing I have noticed is that people are quick to call the people that are not attracted to them shallow. But they them selves are trying to date those people because they are attracted to them. They refuse to date some one less atractive but cut down the ones they can not have.
If you expect others to not be shallow then set a good example. A good start is to move your age settings much higher. Leave the 18 year olds along and find a women.
to the rest by the same measure you judge you will be judged...some of you ladies need to take a gander at what you said and think about it might look to potential suitors.
Awe rabbit32, don't dispare. You can't please every one any ways. Just be your self. Some will apreacate you and some won't. But in the end it doesn't really matter. As long as you try your best that's all that counts right.
