Ladies out of interest sake, nothing personal influencing my question.
How can a lady find out without putting pressure on the guy,
How can she ask what are the guy's intentions by bringing her into he's life? Keeping in mind the time frame the two have been in a relationship (could be 6-12months or even more) without the two talking about the relationships' way forth?
I understand that such talks would be better brought forth by the guy, but now we also are responsible for our future & efforts waisted would only be blamed upon our selves since we've willingly availed our selve without finding out if the relationship is really worth our time & effort.
I've already asked DHTM & LTM their thought on this question,
My personal belief, but keep in mind I am not a guy, so this is what it is worth as a girl�. Men are hunters, and I need to prance around like that cute little gazelle that he captures. My personal belief, remember I am a girl, if he hasn�t caught me in 6-12 mo. He doesn�t want to. Knowing me, which I do know me, (lol) I would say hay �where is this going? Just friendship or what?�
"hay where is this going? Just friendship or what?"
Cause it happens dear one,
That two people are in a relationship for too long (could even be 5years) immediately when they break up, the brother is in a process of committing to someone new, in less than 6 or 12months he's married.
That raises questions & some kind of bitterness from the previous lady (ex girlfriend) who may be feeling that her time was waisted for nothing,
When she partaked in having her time waisted maybe with kids by then to be considered.
I like the friendly way of asking since we'd (ladies) rather have this as a flowing conversation not those tension filled talks that makes one feel intimidated and therefore withholding instead of opening up with things he may not understand about you that could influence he's reasons of not saying anything by taking the relationship to the next level.
I've experienced the opposite...being asked to marry too soon...once on the first meeting (after a few weeks of phone conversations), another after just a month or 2...
I think it's fair to talk about long term plans...views on how long to date/court before committing, interest in having kids, views on the wife working outside the home, etc. his reactions to these types of questions could tell you where he's headed...
I've been proposed to 13 times now: 5 times in the real world--always too soon (3rd date stuff); and 8 times over the past 4 years in Yahoo/InSpeak chat rooms.
Most of those have been from total strangers who just like my screen name (this one), or room regulars who've 'known' me for a little while. LOL!
Interesting question. I've always been very upfront at the beginning of a relationship, letting the guy know what I will and will not do. Many times, we end up just being friends, because I won't 'put out' (have sex with them).
My dating relationships have not lasted very long; usually those relationships last a few weeks to a few months. That's because I learn something about them that is a deal-breaker for me.
Example:
Once, I was dating a very nice gentleman. Told me he was a Stockbroker. Was always well-dressed and groomed. He would make arrangements ahead of time and plan our dates.
One night, we had reservations at a nice restaurant. He picked me up, then said he needed to run a couple of errands before we went to eat.
We first stopped at a "client's" residence, where he went inside for about 10 minutes. Off to his "second" errand; he drove to an empty mall (store) parking lot (it was dark by this time) and waited. In a few minutes, people came walking up to his car, asking to 'make a deal.'
He opened his briefcase to reveal a bunch of 'dime-bags' of cocaine. He was a drug dealer! I was in complete shock!
If the cops had come, I would have been arrested right along with my boyfriend, because I was sitting in the front seat and the drugs were right between us; even though I was not involved with his dealings.
Needless to say, after he finished his 'work,' I asked him to take me home, and broke up with him. I did not want anything to do with a drug dealer.
While nobody will be perfect, I expect a man to at least be a law-abiding citizen! LOL!
Anyway, to answer your question, I don't think it matters much how you ask a man where your relationship is going, the important thing is to ask--it's so wasteful to wait for him to make up his mind what he wants. I think 6 months is a good time to ask his intentions, even if either of you are not ready to 'take the leap' into marriage yet.
Much appreciation dear for your imput on this subject. One thing foresure about relationships'
Early days are very crucial, nothing surprising will manifest later in the relationship that didn't somehow warn you in early days. When God says in He's word "despise not the little things... So you can be entrusted with greater things" that should apply in our lives too. We (when necessarily) should massure one onother with little things especially when fishing for a mate, little things say a lot about a person. With us ladies there's a lot at steack, we do need to be vigilant especially with little things.
The last thing we need is to be dating 'a sissyboy' whose not a man enough to stand a challenge, who argues about you paying for your own meal on a dates, (do you think he's a man to be trusted with family?) pulling out when having serious conversations about where he's personally heading to with he's future as a man in a relationship.... let alone a leader to be of a family. Little things like that Cat as time keeping when meeting,
Being humble enough to apologize if/when late, unlike those ones who show up late & say "girl I'm here now..." carrying on as if all is well.
Onother one I was chatting with not long ago, in this very website. He genuinely gave me a compliment of having a good heart, (which I feel i'm weigh below God's expectations)
On onother forum he relates me with evil forces & justifies the evil one cause "he too was created by God," so he said. When starting not to feel at ease with him & energies I somehow didn't understand about him, he immediately pulled out when I asked him what does the 'D' stands for on he's username? He deactivates he's account. I really find it very strage that he relates me with evil (felt insulted infact but kept quiet)
With a username called "DFisherman'
Maybe I'm reading too much in to this, but Cat why not 'Jfisherman'....?
Its little things like those when one gives mixed feeling, and you just not at ease when interacting with. Ladies we really need to be careful not all guys here are christians, some are only here for their unknown motives, as much as they write all over the website that they love you..... Coud be reading too much into this, but why did he immediately deactivate when I asked about he's username, while relating me with evil.... Only God knows better. Something was just not onn about him that much i'm sure off.
It is just as well DFisherman left, for he does not sound Christian, the way he was talking about you. He probably realized you were on to his scheme.
Don't worry about the men who sneak away. Just keep faith that God will provide you His choice for your mate, in His time.
While waiting, imagine that man is standing in front of you. Imagine what he looks like, how he treats you, and your life together. Then, describe that man to Jesus as best you can. Make that your Man Prayer. Pray that prayer regularly, and let it give you hope that you will meet him one day.
Then, don't be surprised when that man finally shows up in your life, out of the blue. Your Father in Heaven loves you so much, and He wants you to be happy. Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, My Father will give you whatever you ask in My Name. Until now you have not asked for anything in My Name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."--John 16:23b-24.
He surely figured out that I noted he's up to something strange.... And yes he's not a christian as much as he knows verses. I doubt he's gone Cat, he only deactivated he's account so he fools us as if he's gone. He's still around most probably with a different username that sounds more godly this time around.
He might re-register with a different email address, using a different pic.... Anyway we didn't really recognize him. I could be wrong, but I really feel he's still around, reading our conversations and working on deceiving onother girl whose innocently seaching for a mate.
We should be vigilant & descentfull. God warns us in many ways, if only we would listen to Him.
