Author	Thread: Why would you want him as a friend???
stormcountry33 View Profile History	Why would you want him as a friend??? Posted : 9 Dec, 2010 09:13 AM Hello again ladies...once again another question. You know a guy likes you...when he aserts himself you back away but then after a short period of time you find yourself opening back uo to him and in some circumstances you approach him...you come across as though you just want to be friends but why or what is causing you to only want him as a friend and to not loose him as a friend. In other words, are there underlying feelings that exist if you WANT him as a friend. When I say this I mean its not a matter of "we should just be friends", I'm saying you truly want him as a friend...why? And if you truly WANT him as a friend, why wouldn't you want more? Post Reply
View Profile History	Why would you want him as a friend??? Posted : 9 Dec, 2010 09:53 AM Guys make good friends. They're not all petty and grudge-holding like so many women are. There's also less jealousy in male-female friendships. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Why would you want him as a friend??? Posted : 9 Dec, 2010 10:09 AM Think of your overall attraction scale like a ladder. Now let's say you meet two girls. When you meet them, you automatically and subconsciously place them on the ladder somewhere. Girl 1 goes higher up than Girl 2 because you think she's funnier and slightly prettier. You have some interest in dating Girl 2, but not as much as you have in Girl 1. Every girl you know is actually somewhere on that ladder. Even the girls you are "just friends" with are somewhere on that ladder. Inevitably, you're going to date the girl the highest up on your ladder you can. If Girl 1 shows you no interest, but Girl 2 does, you'll most likely date her. It would make sense that women are the same way, but they are not. They have two ladders: a dating ladder and a friendship ladder. Between the two is a nearly unjumpable abyss. Let's say Girl A meets two guys. Guy 1 ends up fairly low on the dating ladder, but Guy 2 ends up fairly high on the friendship ladder. Guy 2 will never date that Girl A, no matter how good a friends they become. The best he can hope for is "super best guy friend" status, which involves him doing all kinds of boyfriend things for her, getting nothing in return. Unfortunately, when they meet, girls aren't going to tell a guy which ladder he's on. She may even call Guy 2 a friend or invite Guy 1 over for dinner, confusing the both of them profusely. The only strategy that's ever shown some sort of positive return (though it is still rather unreliable) is for Guy 1 to withdraw from the Girl A's life long enough to be removed from the ladder, only to return later as a much better man, at which point he may be placed on the dating ladder. Post Reply
View Profile History	Why would you want him as a friend??? Posted : 9 Dec, 2010 10:30 AM Tulip, I am impressed and scared at the same time. I fear my masculinity is on the line here.....I have two ladders, and worse yet, ladder #1 is almost empty. Post Reply
riveroflife1 View Profile History	Why would you want him as a friend??? Posted : 9 Dec, 2010 10:30 AM there are different levels of attraction. emotional, spiritual and physical- for myself, I need all three. If one of those arent present, there couldnt be a romantic relationship. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Why would you want him as a friend??? Posted : 9 Dec, 2010 10:50 AM Two, no worries. The illustration is an oversimplification of differences in male and female psychology. Because guys so often have at least minimal feelings for their female friends, we usually have a hard time comprehending that it very rarely works the same way for women. Post Reply
View Profile History	Why would you want him as a friend??? Posted : 9 Dec, 2010 12:43 PM I think that a lot of girls (not all) over time can get jealous of each other or feel threatened. So like some of the others have said, guy-girl friendship can be less complicated. Also there's not as much of a risk for a guy to run off and tell all his guy friends the really deep conversation you had etc. I'm sure you guys have heard of the "Friend Zone". In my experience, I've seen some guys at their worst which would make me never see them as anything more than a friend. Because it would just be too weird. Which, I know may sound childish or whatever but certain situations can change the way you see a male friend. Also, if a guy becomes more like a brother, it's game over. Just my thoughts :) Post Reply
marikashome View Profile History	Why would you want him as a friend??? Posted : 9 Dec, 2010 12:51 PM I might also say I'd rather just be friends if a guy "asserts himself" in a way that seems overbearing to me in a relationship, but in a friendship doesn't come across as overbearing at all. Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Why would you want him as a friend??? Posted : 9 Dec, 2010 01:02 PM Just have to let some women go. There are some women I would never date...doesn't matter how pretty/funny they are, or how friendly we are with each other. I think a lot of it boils down to being honest with yourself. Loneliness is a confusing wasteland, and any kind of attention from a woman can be easily misinterpreted as an "oasis of love". If you can pull yourself out of loneliness and find some kind of secure place inside yourself, then you can be a little more honest and it makes it way easier to let go if a woman doesn't "like" you in "that way". You won't kill yourself over rejection anymore. We don't have to stop loving the ones that reject us, just have to move on. If we can't move on, then our "love" is selfish love anyway. We "want what we want", or we "think we know what's best", and we put our desires over the woman's. :peace::peace: Post Reply
View Profile History	Why would you want him as a friend??? Posted : 9 Dec, 2010 01:30 PM I've had guys do this with me, and I've done it with guys. There is not mutual attraction. There might be shared interests and our personalities may 'click' on one or two levels - but there is no physical/spiritual/emotional attraction. And no, that does not change over time to 'real' "love". Not for me, not for the guys I know. Post Reply
View Profile History	Why would you want him as a friend??? Posted : 9 Dec, 2010 01:50 PM Wow! Thanks for the great idea you all!...If I had know this earlier in life it would of helped....instead of breaking it off with a girl you're dating and hurting her feelings, I can just tell her she is like a sister to me : ) Post Reply

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