Author	Thread: What should I do? Am I being shallow or do you think the relationship I'm in isn't lead by God?
Admin	What should I do? Am I being shallow or do you think the relationship I'm in isn't lead by God? Posted : 5 Jul, 2010 04:22 PM Ok, so I started talking to a girl on here and we've been talking a lot for over a week now. I dunno how I let myself get to this point but we started telling each other we love each other and now she's talking about us moving in together sometime at the start of next year. Well anyway this girl isn't a virgin and I really want to marry a virgin since I am a virgin, she's a bit pushy and really emotional, she isn't the same religion as me, and honestly I'm not fully physically attracted to her. Like we kinda understand each other because of things we've both been through but I just feel like I'm not fully attracted to her and usually we don't even know what to talk about. Is it a sign it can't work when you can't find much to talk about? Also I was raised pentecostal and she was raised 7th day adventist so yea. We have conflicting religions too. Should a relationship be based on religion? But she really doesn't act like a christian most of the time. Not being shallow but I really want someone shorter than me cause she's 5 9 and I'm 5 8. I'd like someone more attractive and maybe smaller than her. Someone who can really start an intelligent conversation with me. Someone smart and fun. Just someone who brings the best out in me and someone who really loves God and is a true christian instead of just acting like one. Should I break up with her and seek God for a mate in his time or should I try to make it work? I mean she does have a kinda cuteness to her but I still worry about the overall relationship. Like I like someone who's really really into me of course but she gets sorta clingy. Like she wants to talk for like 8 hours a day or so. Post Reply
View Profile History	What should I do? Am I being shallow or do you think the relationship I'm in isn't lead by God? Posted : 5 Jul, 2010 04:29 PM Like I care about her and all and don't want to hurt her but I honestly don't know if we're right for each other. It's like something is missing... Post Reply
View Profile History	What should I do? Am I being shallow or do you think the relationship I'm in isn't lead by God? Posted : 5 Jul, 2010 05:23 PM First of all, you are both of the same religion, just different denominations. 2ndly, there are tons of red flags. I don't know how after a week, you two could possibly be talking about loving each other and whatnot. You are both quickly getting swept into a fantasy world and it is probably for the best if you tell her bye. Post Reply
View Profile History	What should I do? Am I being shallow or do you think the relationship I'm in isn't lead by God? Posted : 5 Jul, 2010 05:30 PM ah the feelings in a week. i have spent about a week on the phone and a first date yesturday with an amazing man. and all seemed perfect. but love? in a week? not saying it can't happen, after all...as christians we're sposed to love everyone, right? but is it the kind of love that will last forever or the "i love you because i just love people in general" type of love? if there are already problems, i'd say it probably will not work. as someone who has been married to another religion before, i promise you there will only be more conflict. and if they are not actually living for God, and you're striving to? i promise you that will also be a fight. we are sposed to stay within our own religion for a reason. it is not just a commandment, but it is wisdom. especially when it comes to deep seated beliefs. peeps in the same exact religion have a hard enough time making things work, let alone if your heart's desires are on opposite ends of the scale. :) and cuteness, while important, cannot be a "lets try to make this work" factor. beauty fades and changes. i have seen beautiful people turn ugly because of the matters of their hearts on the inside. likewise i've witnessed "ugly" peeps get all kinds of hot when their inner beauty begins to shine. i think that you must already know this isn't going to work if you're have to ask. because really, it is about who you are and what you are able to do, not about what any of us say. read your bible, God said seek him and you'd find him and the answers. :) that actually really works well. go to your bible and pray about it. wait for the answers. meanwhile, refuse to be bullied into anything. especially by a woman. if she is already out of her place, and it's only been a week...where will that leave you in a month? in a year? Post Reply
View Profile History	What should I do? Am I being shallow or do you think the relationship I'm in isn't lead by God? Posted : 5 Jul, 2010 07:48 PM There is a big difference in the beliefs between Pentecostal and SDA - usually not so much between some other denominations. Living together before marriage has never been taught at any Pentecostal church I have attended. I don't know if SDAs think that is OK or not. I've never been to their churches. I have had several fine friends who were members of that denomination, but I would never consider marrying them. Someone who wants to be contacting you for 8 hrs a day is a very NEEDY person - not one ready for a serious relationship. That can get old, real fast. Don't lead her on - break it off, and count it as a learning experience. Your heart will know when you have met the right person for you. You don't want to settle for someone you can live with, but someone you can't live without! Post Reply
View Profile History	What should I do? Am I being shallow or do you think the relationship I'm in isn't lead by God? Posted : 5 Jul, 2010 08:51 PM About hurting her: She is responsible for her choices and priorities just as you are for yours. Now get out of there. Post Reply
GraceMae View Profile History	What should I do? Am I being shallow or do you think the relationship I'm in isn't lead by God? Posted : 5 Jul, 2010 09:25 PM Slow down Cool (softly speaking) .... you've said alot here.... re-read what you wrote... you already know the answer to what you should do. That is to slow down and regroup. You told us before in different posts what kind of lady you prefer and want in your life. If you are really serious about the kind of (long-term, permanent) woman you want in your life, then you have to stick by that or else you may be regretful later. I know we've talked through the threads from time to time about being overly stringent and selective about our prospective mates, but I think we do have to be frugle and take our heads out of the clouds,sometimes and relook at who we are, and is the person of interest fitting the bill, messing enough even in difference of belief to overlook certain things? Take the time needed to explore where your heads are at in your beliefs and if that sits right with you, and with her. Take your time. You've got nothing to lose, but everything to gain, if you do it right. God bless you as you go deeper in this. ~ GraceMae Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	What should I do? Am I being shallow or do you think the relationship I'm in isn't lead by God? Posted : 6 Jul, 2010 05:46 PM Yeah...she doesn't sound very SDA. At all. It sounds like you have waaaaay too many problems with her for this to work out very well. If you want someone to tell you what to do, I'd say to get out of it as soon and as nicely as possible. And yes, you are being a bit shallow:laugh:. You have plenty of other very good reasons as to why this wouldn't work out with her. Use those:rocknroll:. :peace::peace: Post Reply
livetheword View Profile History	What should I do? Am I being shallow or do you think the relationship I'm in isn't lead by God? Posted : 7 Jul, 2010 04:02 AM when it comes down to it u both worship the same god and the foundations (the most important truth) are the same for all christians that jesus christ is the only way.but if views are conflicting i would be causious because although the man is the spiritual leader of the household we have to make sure that we are equaly yoked with our partners. if there are conflicts of belief to begin with that probably wont be the best mach for u. also id sugest that in this situation or future situations u need to be patient and ask the holy spirit for guidence . remember that as christians we are taut patients and self control.u should never get involved in a relationship that quikly. love other than threw god is a gift of laber and if the i love u's are starting after just a week the flesh might be overshadowing ur spiritual needs. as for her apperance my advice would be in any situation to look past it to a degree . yes as paul said wifes are allowed to us men that cannot stay as he was. so there for there also needs to be a fisical atraction . but dont let the flesh outweigh the spirit.afterall we christians live in the spirit more than the flesh . so were does the altimate importance ly? as for her not being a virgin . i give u props for staying pure and its understandable that after u having that selfcontrol that u would want to be rewarded for that by having a pure wife .but not all of us have had the selfcontrol as u have had. but threw god we are forgiven. again i do understand that u have ramined pure and therefore have every right to prefere to also have a wife thats pure. but dont put it too far up on the priorities. u never know what god has planed or who is equaly yoked with you . so dont pass someone by just because they didnt have the selfcontrol you could miss out if you do. at any matter if a relashionship is going in a direction of living together before marriage i would have to say given what the bible says that it is a wrong choice and as a believer . and someone who knows the truth and as a man u must be the leader in that situation and do what is right in god's eyes may the holy spirit guide you and god bless Post Reply
View Profile History	What should I do? Am I being shallow or do you think the relationship I'm in isn't lead by God? Posted : 7 Jul, 2010 01:29 PM I found out she was talking to other guys anyway. But it doesn't matter cause it's in the past now, we're broken up. And yes I want a wife who I find attractive but I do know there's more important things that beauty. I'm really trying to wait on the one God has for me cause no matter what this girl was or wasn't I didn't fully feel it was right because I tried to find someone on my own instead of waiting on God's timing. I just don't know anymore though, like how does that work exactly? LOL. God's timing. I thought it just happened but I dunno, I thought this just happened but then I started not feeling the relationship anymore. I'm really trying to focus on God instead of women cause I know what I must do, what he wants from me is beyond more important than my physical needs. I'm trying so hard to kill this flesh. Yes I think about women and all kinds of other things all the time and the devil has battled me so much with it but I strive to remain as pure as possible. I still don't feel I'm completely pure like sanctified or anything. I know I need to get deeper in the Lord. Seek his heart, his body, and his soul. I need to seek him with all my being. I want to know him more than anyone can tell me about him. I want to see through his eyes. I'm tired of feeling the way I do, alone. I know woman isn't going to make all this go away so I'm really trying to wait on his timing. I just don't know when that is and I hate waiting a lifetime to know love. It's just not fair....absolutely not fair.... Post Reply
View Profile History	What should I do? Am I being shallow or do you think the relationship I'm in isn't lead by God? Posted : 18 Jul, 2010 06:52 PM i can truly feel you on that one. i ache for a relationship. i feel like i'm getting old, my bio clock is starting to tick loudly, and i'm impatient for a family of my own. as far as battling the flesh, as you called it, it is my biggest struggle. my heart is to wait until i'm married, but my first husband, who i married as a virgin, divorced me because he said i was not good in bed. and i know it is wrong to think like i do, but in today's society, it's like, if you sleep with them, they might stick around, but i want more than that. i want forever, not just flings. i'm so tired of being someone's toy, i want to be someone's wife. the three christian men i've dated in recent years were the worst at putting pressure for something more without marriage. and i'm frustrated and hurt. i am worth more than that! but i find myself giving in....hoping for forever, but finding that in giving in, that seems to mold me forever in their eyes as not worth it. it is a vicious cycle. and i have a relationship with my God....i really do. i read my bible and pray regularly. i have a plan for my life that is constantly reaffirmed in miraculous and real ways....even today at church, the pastor spoke some things that i've been praying about earnestly, kinda like a confirmation. and i know that my God loves me so much, and that if i wait on Him, i will have all my hearts desires. and still i want more. i hate this fight and this struggle in myself. if i cannot commit and be obediant to my Savior, who is God of everything, how can i commit to a mere man? i just want a man who's willing to wait for me to marry him for more, that believes what i believe, who loves God and encourages a relationship with Him and builds one together with me. i find it discouraging that i can have better fellowship about God with non christian guys than with many christian ones. like church is a job and when they go home they wanna be away from their job instead, you know? i want to live breathe and walk every day, every minute, every moment with my faith in God, and i would love to find someone to walk that road with me. somedays i think God just laughs at me and i'm going to be like sarah and 100 years old before i'm allowed to finally have my own family. sometimes i think i'll be that old before i finally get it right. i'm lonely. i'm tired. but i will wait on the Lord who renews my strength and submerge myself in my work and my music while i wait. i have to learn to be patient. Post Reply