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Personal Testimony.
Posted : 1 Aug, 2011 04:45 PM
I feel To share my Testimony. I hope some are touched by it. Or at least, maybe it will get you to think about the LORD, maybe give you some hope. Or edify you in a way. We ALL should have a testimony of What JESUS Christ cleans us of. we ALL need some sort of tetimony ofthe wonderfull workign power of the BLOOD of the LAMB, THAT is how we will overcome. . . .
"And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb, and because of the word of their testimony; and they loved not their life even unto death." Revelation 12:11
I was raised a in a Christian Home, by two Christian parents. I went to church every sunday, and wendsday from the time i was a new born. I went to a private Chrsitan School that was based out of The Church we attended. My Dad was a bit strict, in some areas, That we MUST abide by certain laws, and couldnt really listen to Non-christian music, etcc... yet he was also a very angry man.(always confused me growing up how a someoen who loves JESUS could be angry, and selfish...sigh) I Loved Jesus i guess. When i was 3, my mother lost a baby. My Brother, i was waiting for him waiting and waitng, i stil lremeber the day when my mom got home from the hospital with out him. I didnt understadn right away, but later she explained to me. I cried. I was crushed.(at the time i did not know that she married my father knowign that she shouldnt...she even, as she told me much later, felt God tellign her no.) My parents relationship got worse. MY Dad ended up havign an affair, My mom ended up getting Chronicaly ILL. when i was 5. She developed advanced Epstein barr syndrome, and somthing else, that no one to this day, was able to diagnose properly(she has suffered with it for about 20 years+) adn the whole relationship grew stagnant(to put it mildly) When i was 6yrs old I said the "sinners prayer", then again when i was 9.
When i was 10 i started to slump into a depression. My Dad was not treatign my mother the way the bible said to, not like a weaker vessle, not like Christ loved the church. Fought everyday. I was my mothers really, only source of support for a while, most of her friends deserted her, and my Dad...well....yeah. I startted to not be able to pay attention in school, and my depression grew, as did my weight. I ended up, by the time i was 11, in 5th grade, gettign left back, becasue of my depression, and just gettign sick allot, i had missed so much school, so they were goig nto hold me back, I begged my mom to homeschool me, She did. Whic hwas good becasue by that time, my mom had noticed the Church wasnt what she thought it was. My Mom was growing spiritually, adn the Church wasnt. By that time i had been around so much death, beento so many funerals, Friends of my mom(4) My Aunt commited suicide. My Grandma on my Dads side died of lung cancer. And Just this consuming Fealing of death came over me. And I guess i kind of was desencetized to it all, in a way.
6th, 7th, 8th,
By the time i was 14, the depression hit me hard, we had moved, from where we lived to where we live currently, becasue my mom didnt want me to fall in with a bad crowd(we lived in a big city) and doign drugs and such...so she moves us to the suburbs... . Found a small church. My parents relationship wasnt gettig nany better, fights all the time, they stayed together, but for sometiem i had wished they would sepperate. I started smoking Ciggarettes at 14.
At 15, in 9th grade, i was enrolled in another private school...by that time rebellion was kicking into 3rd gear, I was allready listenign to Heavy metal music, and priding my self on my ever increasing foul mouth, and sarcasm. In the praivate school, I gained allot of wieght, Ate fast food a few tims a day. Im a natrually solid guy to begin with, broad shouldered, but this added to it, By the end of 9th grade i was about 260lbs(6'2'') and gaining. By tenth grade my smokign escelated to about a half pack, to a pack on a really bad day. I was at that time DEEP into heavy metal(still at a Christian school) Listenign to Death metal, Black metal, etc. Drawing pentagrams, and anarchy symbols on everything. Cheating on my tests. Shaved my hair into a mohawk, a few times...jsut really well...beign a rebel. Figured Eh why not. By that time i had still belived in GOD...but figgured if he wanted me...he would Get Me. Ended up gettign expelled from that school
Begged my parents to put me into Public school. They refused at first, but then they caved. Enrolled at the public school, Allot of the classes i took at the private school didnt count, so, in 11th grade, i also took 9th, adn 10 grade classes. By that time i was DEEP in depression and demonic influence, and to show it, i wore all black, died my hair all sorts of colors, blue for a while, green, "blood red" (turned out to just make me look like Ronald MacDonald.) Was about 270-280lbs at that point. And Then i found out about MArijuanna. Actually i started smoking pot the secodn week i was there. Then the third wek i was there i was smoking everyday...Then i started, doing speed...and gettign drunk at 4th period, and skipping classes, after about 6 months, i dropped out. Started to get HEAVILY into drugs, MORE heavy metal, More depression. Got to 295lbs, and then i realised that i did NOT wnat to go any further. I started walking. I would smoke when i walked, but a started. I liekd it. i would walk for hours. I also at about the tiem i was 18/19 found out about Cocaine. LOVED IT. it gave me the confidence i was lookign for(so i thouhgt) and i heard it can make you loose weight. at 18, at 295, i started to lose weight. At 19, 4 moths before my birthday, i weighed 225. lost 70 pounds in about 11 months. By that tiem i was so demonically controled, and out of my mind, cuttign myself, and really just not gcarign about anything. I had developed a Porn addiction which was increasingly out of control, as it grew i began to not be satiated with soft porn, it got harder as my heart did. By that time i had met a girl, My first Girlfreind. I was 20. We started dating,She reminded me of myself i nallot of ways i saw she was suffering to..i though t i could help, so I tried...and then she started to do the same Drugs i did, hang out with the same type of people i did. By that time i was Smoking about 3 packs a day, smoking 30 dollars of marijuana a day(or more) Doing cocaine at least twice a week if not more, and Extacy about the same. poping mushrooms, and Drinking as often as possible as well. (Praise Jesus i really never went past that extent with the harder drugs) At 21/22 God started to do somthing in me...he made me see what i was doign to this Girl that by that time claimed to love. But i just didnt want to stop, He kept showing me that it was destroyign both of us (One Christmas i spent the entire eve, and early part of the morning away from my parents, in my friends house snorting coke and poping pills...Came home out of my mind, to see my mom awake...and extreamly sad,...but not crying. I went to bed) The LORD kept showign me waht i was doing. But i didnt want to stop, i KNEW it was the LORoD showign me to, occasionally he would show me an evil spirit manifest in some of my "friends" faces.
Freaked me out. I didnt stop.
At 22, AT a Heavey metal Concert, at a palce Called the "Spirit Center" after gettign so stoned out of my mind, and standign i nthe middle of the mosh pit, The LORD allowed me to be attacked, not physically, But Spiritually(haha im in the SPIRIT CENTER for goodness sake) I see(hard to actually expalin, but it was liek a feal/see...like i saw with spiritual eyes...) this Wisp, this , well, Spirit, wrap around the auditorium, enter this one Man(im 6'2" so i can see over most peoples heads) this Man looks at me, our eyes lock, and i felt this emense evil shoot out of him, then it passes onto another man, same thing, from him, then it wraps back around, and hits me in the back, and knocks me to the floor. I immidiately start to hyperventilate, and go into a asthma attack( I was born with asthma, but by the time i was 11 it went away...never came back..except this night) i knew it wasnt really an asthma attack, and pushed my way to the back of the palce, and out of the smoking exit to get some air. Then i felt whatever was on me, leave. and i prayed. First time in about 3 years that i prayed. I couldnt really get much out, but "im sorry God" After that, I knew God was tryign to get my attention. So i told My Girlfriend that we need to stop the HArd drugs, that we jsut cant do them any more. God in his grace an mercy took them from me. And her. She wasnt even Born again, and didnt even claim to be Christian. That was the last time we did a hard drug. The cigaretes, and Marijuanna stayed though, as did my pornography adiction. I strted to pray abit more then, and prayed abit more for her protection. We still were into VERY evil music, and at the time she was still into dablign in witch craft, and had very evil thigns hung up in her room. One day i confronted her adn told her, that we Both needed to get right with GOD, and that she could be saved and know Jesus right then. I guess she was convicted, becasue i led her in a small prayer, and at the end of it, She Shook(quickly, like sothing left her) and immidately began to cry. After that, we told each other that we werent goign to have sex, and we would read the bible more. Reading the bible lasted for about 2 weeks, the sex lasted for about 8 months. But it was a struggle in the flesh, and none of us really had the power(becasue we only get strenght to not sin from JESUS) to do it our selves. We stoped caring again.
Anyway, I LOVED this girl. Did everything for her, or at least i thought i was. I did alot. She started to really cahnge, and as did i in many ways. She actually started to talk about God. I did allot to stiffle that though, I didnt do my job(or what i thought was my job) and be her spiritual leader, and all thigns we tryed to stop was on our own strength, and never really went to God for anything. My Porn adiction Got worse. I was lusting after thigns, and allowing thigns in my mind, that would, in physical action, have you arrested on the spot. I was so deep into it, but didnt know how to stop it. Started to smoke allot more marijunna again. ME and the girlfriend would fight allot. Somtimes where i would scream and hit myself. I would never hit another person, never would, especially not a women, and especially not one i claimed to love. Oh the pent up rage and anger, and demonic opression that was still in me, and i chain smoked ciggarettes like they were candy. Yet i still prayed daily for My girlfriends pretection, from al thigns, inlcuding me. Speed up allittle, after 7 years of knowign her, and 6 years of dating, and after one year of askign her for somthing that she coudlnt do, and her asking me for somthing i couldnt do...(or wouldnt do) I fell in a deeper depresion(still the same ever increasing depression from when i was a kid) Quit school, and broke up with her. That was the icign on the cake. I lost my mind after that. Quit my Job, spent all my savings on my self, Started to just have sex with peopel to kill the pain, Real sex, cyber sex, it didnt matter, and that point the pornography was out of control, Deep evil. And I felt gone. By that time i had been praying more then ever, for God to jsut forgive me...but It flet as though he wasnt hearing me...This was in August of 2010. At the end of August, I said i had it with myself, i felt like i truly did hit rock bottom, I hd been telling my Ex when we were together ,that we need to pray more adn read the bible, but never took any actions to actully do so.
At that moment i got on my knees(after not sleepign for a few days) and BEGGED God to jsut take this life fro mme, I cried to him, bawled my eyes out, said that i know he loves me, and i knwo he died for me, and i know he wants me to live for Him ,so i want to, I begged him to show me how to. I went to sleep. I felt surprisingly well the next day, it was rainign hard, really humid...I went out for a ciggarette, after the rain subsided, it was realyl quiet out, no body was talkign or screaming, no cars, adn i saw a perfect rainbow in the sky, liek it was there for me only, and heard the words "Come" and instantly felt this warmth on my face, and my eyes teared up and new that God was doing somthing, I knew i had JUST heard God, and i KNEW that he had answered me. 2 days later, I went out to afriends house, it was her Birthday. We had a party on the roof. It was Such a clear night, most of her friends were my exs friends, but my ex didnt go becasue i was there. I stared at the sky most of the night, and talked to god sparing ly, he didnt answer, but for a small moment i felt that same fealing on my face. the next day, wel that night, I flet God put on my heart that in eed to get rid of the life i dont want. Thats how i udnerstood it. Like he was saying Leave it behind. I Crushed my ciggarettes, gathered my music threw it out. gathered all my movies threw it out, Gathered all my books threw them out too. Got rid of all my drug paraphenalia, and gathered all my band t-shirts, and just tossed them all out. And then got on my knees and cried again, i told The LORD that i was DONE livign my life the way i wanted to, that i KNOW there is more that im suppsoed to be doign for HIM. That i wanted his spirit, adn that i wanted to be free from all this bondage. I begged him to just change me, and save me, make me new, Anything jsut so i cna please him and do whatHE wants me to. IMMIDATELY i flet him reach into me, i say this beacasue thats what it flet like, it felt like someone BIG reached into me and pulled a heavyness out, and off of me, and IMIDATELY fill me with Hismelf. It was like nthing i had experienced in my life, and And i was filled with this peace, and joy, unexplainable, cant even put it in words, i started to cry my eyes out with tears of JOY, adn started to spout praises, adn words to GOD, and about God that i had never said before in my life up till that moment. I could NOT stop  and praising the LORD, and for a few moments couldnt even get up of the floor. I KNEW it was GOD, i KNEW it was the HOLY SPirit, and i KNEW right then i had been baptised in him, and that i was born a new. I went to sleep praising him.
The next day. I had no cravign for a cigarette. I had no want to smoke pot. And i havent since. No want to look at pornography, and I had this joy, and this smile, this i just cant explain it. IT was like i was made a part of heaven. I knew i was Born again, And i havent gone back. I started to rpay fro wisdom, adn knowledge, OF HIM, from HIM about His Scriptures, and i began to not only pray everyday, and read everyday, but pray for HOURS somtiems...not forcing it either, i couldnt get away fromit I was prayign all day, and talkig nto him all day, and prayign to hear his voice. and HE SPOKE BACK, not audibly, but inside...i cant expalin that either...but PRAISE JESUS, i would spend time with him, and tell him i loved him, and he would say i love you back. YOU CAN HEAR GOD TELL YOU THIS. In fact he WANTS you to hear him. And i just gave my entire life over to him. I dotn realy do much but preach him, and and i try to get to know what he wants from me daily. I try to live my life day to day, centering it around HIm, and GODS Will. He has taught me SOO much, and ALWAYS brigns fellow belivers to me to edify me, adn uplift me, and also to help and teach me somt hign as well. OH the JOY knowing the LORD brigns!!!! OH the beauty of his majesty, and his greatness!! oh to be in his presence and feel him hug you. OH to knwo the lrod like he always wanted me to know him ....its an amazing thing. So After all tahti todl him i dotn live for me any more. And i beg him daily to strip me of the world and the flesh, to get all of ME that he wants out of me. Taht i want to, crave to know him liek the apostles new him, to knwo him as Close and intimate as possible. I pray that we ALL start to pray those thigns, pray for wisdom, pray fro understanding of who HE is, and what HE wants. ask HIM he will show you. OH he has made me such a different person, i dont get depressed anymore(sometiems he lays a burden for someon on my heart, and somtiems he puts a sorrow for someoen on me, adnwants me to pray and weep for someoone) but no depression, havent craved anythign of my old life in almost a year. and OH he has taught me so much!!
I just really felt to share. Just know he takes what we GIVE HIM. he will not force. And he cant take what we are grabbing onto, unless he breaks a few fingers. Give him your life, your entire life, and i promise you you will not be sorry. I PROMISE you he wil not only show you who he truly is, but make sure you know his love, and then it is up to YOU to abide in his LOVe and WALK in his love. but he WILL show you how. Go to him with a humble heart, on all areas of your life, daily, continuously, and he will make them how HE wants them. He WILL take away the adictions you battle with, if you REALLY want to be free, GO to him. He will take the unforgivess, from you if you REALLY want oforgive...go to him, he will take the depression, and the lonelyness from you if you REALLY want to be free fro mit, go to him. OH the LORD is Good, his grace and mercy lasts for ever and by His grace i get to be apart of his kingdom. Do you KNOW how amaizing that is!!!!? And to think i EVER wanted anythig nother than HIM. to think i ever wanted my life. to think i ever wanted this world and what it gives...nothig ncompares to the amoutn of glory, adn honor and beauty you feeal eminating fro mhis spirit that he graces us with the closer you get to him. OH the LORD is good, the Most high and his Grace is outstanding!! OH How he cleans you if you are willing to be LOW before his greatness, he changes you, makes you a NEW creation in HIM.
I know maybe some of this may be "odd" but its all 100% truth, I havent typed out EVERYTING, mainly becasue that would be a book, But I hope this may get you to think aliitle, I hope it wasnt too long. Dont miss out on Seeking Him and getting to know Jesus, and getting close to the lord. as close as posible, NOW. This world is nothing. its dung. its going to be incinerated when the LORD comes. Dont put hope in this, dont bother with the world, the voting, patriotism, nationalism, all the ISMS, The cares of this World its all lies, its all to lead you AWAY from JESUS. Not That you CANT have a life...But what LIFE is there besides THE LIFE, Who IS Jesus Christ. Oh the Lord is good!! Glory be to The MOST HIGH GOD. Jesus Bless You. -Robert
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