Christian Chat Forums | How much do you want or need to know? - CDFF

Author	Thread: How much do you want or need to know?
Admin	How much do you want or need to know? Posted : 27 Aug, 2011 03:50 PM How much do you expect a female to tell you about their past relationships? I ask because I had an off and on relationship for about 13 years. We broke up almost a year ago. The emotional pain is healed, I've taken responsibility for my part, forgiven him for his and truly moved on. I rarely think of him at all. I dated someone earlier this year that was very frustrated that I did not talk about this past relationship more than I did. I was frustrated that the details of his past relationship continued to unravel over time. There was definitely a personality conflict going on here, but is there more to it than that? Post Reply
Rabbit32 View Profile History	How much do you want or need to know? Posted : 27 Aug, 2011 05:45 PM Without more info its hard to tell but it sounds like you pretty well got it figured out. I mean it is a big part of your history, so somethings are going to naturally come up, what particularly was this fella mad about? Post Reply
View Profile History	How much do you want or need to know? Posted : 27 Aug, 2011 07:34 PM I agree that some things will naturally come up. I expect to get the rundown on the relationship and how it ended. I expect to hear matter of fact statements about travels or events that they attended together. What i was talking about as far as being frustrated over his past relationship unraveling more and more, was that over time I continued to hear about the things he didn't like about the person, comparisons to me, fights that they had. These things, to me, indicate that he hadn't really moved on. Anyhow, the question is not really about this person and myself, but more about the walking on eggshells feeling that the experience gave me. My question is more like, how much do you demand to know about someones life, or do you demand to know anything? Post Reply
meekor View Profile History	How much do you want or need to know? Posted : 28 Aug, 2011 03:06 PM Past experiences sometimes take yrs to heal especially if 1 tries to do it on thier own accord...We all fall down ; when we give it to the Lord we get up 7 times stronger.... Post Reply
View Profile History	How much do you want or need to know? Posted : 28 Aug, 2011 03:07 PM with someone that i thought of marrying, we should be able to talk about ANYTHING Post Reply
Rabbit32 View Profile History	How much do you want or need to know? Posted : 28 Aug, 2011 03:41 PM I think I hear you...I suppose in a sence you could look at it as an acid test of how he will conduct himself in conflict. I know it doesnt feel good to be compared to another, but are the meaning of ya'lls words reaching eachothers understanding. I would say if he is talking about past pproblems wih his ex he might be in a way informing you what he is afraid of happening again. Perhaps if you are not reciprocating in the same way he might find it frustrating that you are not giviing informatiin he feels he needs, than again I feel like im shooting in dark lol what do you think? Post Reply

View Profile History	How much do you want or need to know? Posted : 28 Aug, 2011 05:34 PM Well, it's over and done, so I don't know what his motives were for bringing his past relationship up all the time. I am wiling to talk about anything, however, I felt pressed to recall what I considered insignificant details or give more information when there was not more to give. It felt like interrogation and like he was looking for fuel against this person. Rabbit, I think you may be on to something there. But I never would want a relationship like that. Post Reply
View Profile History	How much do you want or need to know? Posted : 29 Aug, 2011 10:07 AM "I would say if he is talking about past pproblems wih his ex he might be in a way informing you what he is afraid of happening again."--Rabbit32 "Well, it's over and done, so I don't know what his motives were for bringing his past relationship up all the time"--Stickynh **************************************************** I agree with Rabbit that talking about his past problems with his ex could be a way of informing you that he is afraid of a repeat performance...however, it's more likely that he had not reconciled his "issues" surrounding his former girlfriend and that relationship either with her...or within himself. As a result when your relationship progressed no doubt things you discussed triggered in him some emotional memory of an incident or situation he shared with his ex. His continuous reference to her suggests poor EMM (Emotional Memory Management) skills and unresolved angst. ~O'Shea~ Post Reply
View Profile History	How much do you want or need to know? Posted : 29 Aug, 2011 02:09 PM Very insightful, Thank you. Post Reply
TonyP View Profile History	How much do you want or need to know? Posted : 31 Aug, 2011 07:53 AM maybe if he keeps talking about his x and past relationship with her she is always on his mind and he is realy not ready to move on or let go. Post Reply
MyCrownIsGod View Profile History	How much do you want or need to know? Posted : 31 Aug, 2011 02:58 PM For me personally, I wouldn't mind knowing the details, because they are part of what makes the person I'm with the person they have become today. I don't believe married couples, or couples who are planning to marry should have ANY secrets from each other. There should be full disclosure about all past relationships, sexual history and reasons for breakups...but little details (like what they looked like or things they did together) isn't really as important to me. After all, it would be awkward to run into someone's ex while we were out together, and not know they even dated. In any serious relationship, each party must work through lingering past relationship issues to become healthier, whole and able to move forward into the future. Sometimes to do this, a person has to get it all out and talk about it. Couples should be supportive of each other and share what they feel comfortable with, and if they don't want to talk about it, at least explain why without getting defensive. I think it's normal to be a little curious about a persons relationship history when you're in a relationship with them. As for myself, I have no problem with talking about any part of my past or past relationships. I make a point to tell men, "I will tell you as much or as little as you want to know, but I will tell you the whole truth. I can't promise you will like my answers, so be sure you really want to know before you ask me a question." This way, they know they will get the truth from me, and hopefully they will really think about what is important for them to know, and what they can let go. Also, this releases me from feeling "on the spot" so to say, about what their responses might be. I can't control how someone else reacts or feels about something I did before we ever even met. Post Reply