How does a couple overcome past family sexual molestation issues?
Posted : 20 Apr, 2009 08:52 AM
Just recently responded to a forum in ask the guys, Do breakups hurt? My wife and I are currently separated after 7 years of a half totally wonderful and half totally nightmare
marriage. My wife has extremely bad sexual molestation issues as a child by her father and grandfather and worse yet, a ritual type of of situation by a men's group at her fathers church involving other young grade school aged girls as well. Very long story with many many resulting ramifications, but my situation is this. Bottom line for me seems to be, I can't seem to be good enough for her to make up for, or to help her get past all the previous expereinces. We have had extremely wonderful times together, and I love her dearly, but there are times, such as now, that it seems impossible for us. Maybe even doomed from the start! Counseling for each of us has helped at times but not enough and it's very slow going for her to work through her side of all this. I ask any girls, ladies out there, do you have any experience along these lines, and if so I'm open for anything that will help me comprehend the current situation and help me bring our marriage back together. Parayers, prayers, prayers, the human side of dealing with all of this is failing miserably. And to re-iterate my response to the other forum question, YES, IT HURTS!!!!!
How does a couple overcome past family sexual molestation issues?
Posted : 2 May, 2009 06:38 AM
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How does a couple overcome past family sexual molestation issues?
Posted : 9 Aug, 2009 11:29 AM
As a young woman I had a very hard time coping with the past. It destroyed my marriage and all my relationships.
The horrible thing about this kind of situation is feeling that I was t o blame.
I have had couseling all my life and Praise God I met the right therapist. She took me thru trama therapy. The hardesd thing that I ever went thru, but it worked.
That is all in the past. It can no longer hurt or touch me. I FORGAVE and God took over from there.
Now I am healthy in mind, emotions, and spirit. Thru His Love and Grace I am free.
I have learned from the trauma. I feel that in some way that now I can help others. I pray for you and your wife. May she find peace in His Love.
How does a couple overcome past family sexual molestation issues?
Posted : 17 Sep, 2009 11:31 PM
This issue has several area problems I believe. As a monoster I can see:
1. Anger- At God, and the people involved. God said that it would be better for a man to tie a millstone around his neck and cast himself into the sea to cause a child to go astray, this I believe includes molestation.
2. Unforgiveness- At God (How could he let this happen?) The Church, and Family.
Trust- In God, Family and Church.
Her foundation has been ripped away and must be rebuit!! One area we lack in this day and age is The older men/women are not teaching the younger men/woman in life outside the church.
For you I would say meditate on job and how the calamity that came upon him as well. Remember God would not have put you in her path if you couldnt handle it. Fast and Pray. She needs to trust you and probable wants to but has major trust issues. Read Gods word together and pray together. Wounds sometimes have to be reopened to heal correctly. Her fear is for your children, though not directed to you it is a problem with her to protect the children.
I recommend to you a young adults group, that is not afraid to cover All issues in life. RULE#1 do not meet without the pastor. Rule 2 whatever is discussed in the meeting stays there not dicussed outside the group EVER. I started Young Adults for Christ and we covered this very issue of moletation. It took several months , but God saw it through and the young lady was able to forgive and move on both in Christ and her marriage!! This is the time YOU need to seek the inner heart of God and let him guide you. Also read The Song of Soloman.
I pray this gives you guidance and help and understanding...
How does a couple overcome past family sexual molestation issues?
Posted : 11 Feb, 2010 05:58 PM
My dear brother,
I am sure I will never know the nightmare you have gone through. But also remember. none of us shall never know the depths of hell that your wife went through. I am sure she needs much grace aand a multitude of prayers to be set free from all the forces and the guilt that are at work in her life. One of the bigigest obstacles to being set free is getting down to the root of the emotional hurt. When we are presented with abuse that is beyond our ability to tolerate, we tend to lock up emotionally. Until that emotional lock is dealt with it is difficult to allow the wound to begin to heal.
If I may, one of the best counselors I have come across that deals with these issues is John Reiger. He has a series that I have listened to over and over called Rekindling Marital Intimacy. But from what you have described, I would think one on one counseling would provbably be the best route.
Just remember, the Lord may very well have chosen you to be the vehicle of sacrifice to set her free. Which means you will need an abundance of grace to intercede for your wife.
May the Lord guide you on the path of His choosing, so that your wife can enter into the liberty that is found in His grace.
How does a couple overcome past family sexual molestation issues?
Posted : 27 Feb, 2010 06:04 PM
Please, please respect her by not telling any more of her very personal horror that she must have went through...
I'm so sorry for what she must have gone through My heart crys for her and now you are effected by it too...
These things have a way of going on for generations sadly enough "Our Fathers sin's' will be visted apon thier children and thier childrens, children"...
BUT ....
(I feel) So Strongly that you are breaking her trust with you. I'm sure it was so hard for her to tell you all this and that based on what you have siad it took her a long time to be able to even tell you ....Please,.. airing this on a free date sight that is seen by thousands.
If she knew Im sure she would once again feel betrayed by yet an other she was to trust...
Her biggest issue's are trusting the ones she is supose to love,.. This can spill into trusting God as well
She needs unconditional love ...Do you know what that is ?
