that a good majority of the girls who i have contacted, or have contacted me, when leaving a message (be it in return or the original) put very little effort into it?
I can understand not knowing what to say, and thats why i filled out my profile as best i could. However, I have gotten two messages within the past week *yeah, i dont get to many to say the least* that go something like this:
"hey there" and thats literally all she wrote. What is my motivation to reply to that? Yes I viewed her profile and I dont see alot in common, which is why i didnt message in the first place.
"I am proud of you! Serving the country. I like men who are in the military." Not a direct quote, but it gets the point across. I am not in the military, but I am wanting to be in it. I state that clearly in my profile. I have recently added not to thank me for service I have not done *wanting to do, and currently doing are very different*, but i guess I thought that was already apparent.
It is very annoying to be honest. I try hard not send a message when I have nothing worth saying to get to know the person.
So I guess my question(s) is this: Why is it that 1. if you are interested enough to send a message that one doesnt read all the way through the profile? and 2. if i viewed you first and dont send a message, why do you send a message that is so short and simple that it only adds to the reason I didnt start talking to you in the first place?
Just a bit frustrating. The above is also kind of a venting too.
What I mean by it can't be sincere....is the mush. Endearing names and such on the first message sent. I don't mean messages aren't sincere. :)
example: Hello pretty, you are so beautiful and lovely, I want to get to know you better my angel, send me your e-mail address and we'll exchange pictures.
This to me (my opinion only) is creepy and a huge turn off. And yes I did get a message similar to this. For me, this is a definite no response, and probably a block.
Maybe I'm a bit paranoid?
The mush can come later, after you've communicated awhile and if that's the direction things are going. :) (again, in my opinion).
I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong ian ;) lol I wouldn't know, I've not received a message from you. Don't give up.
EeeGADS - ya that is a little (okay, a LOT) heavy on the mush. I would immediately suspect a scammer.
See, to me, I wouldn't even call that sincere! That's almost like... I dunno, either this person doesn't have a clue how to approach a lady and is really, really messing up bad, or they have ulterior motives. I don't blame you one bit for finding that creepy, or a turn-off.
What's really strange, is I've seen a few posts from women both here and over on CM like this; men calling a total stranger "sweetie" or "sugar" or "honey bunch." I don't get it - I wouldn't do that, and no - I don't think you're paranoid.
In fact, the one lady I was so stricken by (her profile was the reason I wound up on these sites), while it turned out she was drop-dead gorgeous, it wasn't her looks that made me sit up and notice, it was what she wrote. Had she ever written back (it turns out on CM, unless the other person is a paid member, they can't even read the email you sent to them! One of the hard lessons I had to learn), I wouldn't have minded telling her as such either.
I don't mind telling a lady I find her pretty or whatever, but there's an appropriate time for that. Especially because I don't want a lady thinking I'm after her just for her looks or her body.
Anyway - I'm wandering off on a tangent again...
No - I completely understand why you'd be turned off by such an approach.
I would have to say that I think it sounds like these girls who are contacting you are on this site kind of as a joke. What I mean by this is, most of the girls I know would hate if a guy sent her a message just saying hey whats up, and mentioning something about her profile that is completely wrong. So I don't think those girls that are doing that you guys really care at all.
But don't worry because it isn't worth being frustrated, because would you really want a girl that immature to be in a relationship with?!
Lvstigers - that is a scammer. When someone writes "hello pretty" or wants your personal email address right away, they are a scammer - I'll guarantee it. You'll get pictures from them - not OF them, but most likely of some model somewhere. If you're not sure, ask them to snap a picture with their phone of them standing next to a blue car or holding up two fingers. Then ask them to download it and send it to you. If they are a scammer, they won't be able to do it - they'll make up some lame excuse, but they can't do it because they don't have access to the person in the picture on their profile.
If you do start talking to someone and suddenly their English doesn't seem nearly as good as it was in their profile, that's also a warning sign. They most likely took the profile from another site, slapped on a gorgeous picture, but aren't able to actually speak (or type) much English. This is another warning sign that they aren't who they say they are.
When IMing, don't be afraid to ask questions that you already know the answer to - if they say they're from Dallas, TX, say "I should know this, but I'm drawing a blank - what football team is from Dallas again?" This is of course, an example - but if it takes them a few minutes to respond, they are looking it up and are probably IMing you from a different country. Feel them out - you can tell in a short amount of time if someone is for real if you know what questions to ask.
And the age old rule - if someone asks you for money, they are either a scammer or very tacky. Either way, they aren't someone you want to be with. And beware - these scammers are trained to play on your emotions. They will tell you anything from they need help with a disconnection notice to their child is very sick. DON'T fall for it. If they really had a disconnect notice or a sick child, do you really think they'd be running to the internet to try to find money? No - they'd be going to family, friends, their church, social services....not the internet.
And just so you know - I've never fallen prey to a scammer. I just like to play with them. I think it's only fitting that they get a dose of their own medicine from time to time.
I know it didn't sound right, and I don't respond to those anyway, like I said, it creeps me out. All of your tips are great and I will always keep them in mind.
I do agree with alot of what has been said as it is true, people like that are scammers and should either be ignored or messed with.
Research them, not only in your conversation, but also through the internet. Works wonders. Its amazing how stupid people are, especially at my age, and what is linked to what.
I took a couple week break from the site to gather my thoughts. Seems to have worked. So far so good. It is nice to see that others go through the same thing.
1. if you are interested enough to send a message that one doesnt read all the way through the profile? and 2. if i viewed you first and dont send a message, why do you send a message that is so short and simple that it only adds to the reason I didnt start talking to you in the first place?
1. I have never done this, so you tell me lol. I take great pains in combing a guy's profile first because if it's not interesting, then chances are, he isn't serious about this site, he isn't a good communicator, and he isn't for me. Bluntly. I enjoy guys who will write a book for me because I'm that way. I love words of affirmation and such- it's a powerful love language.
2. Well... I'd probably be hoping you would give me a chance by messaging back and forth online. Sometimes girls are shy and don't know what to say- don't hold it against us :)
