Thread: Not exactly a dating story, but my experiences on this site to date...
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Not exactly a dating story, but my experiences on this site to date...
Posted : 8 Jan, 2018 02:35 PM
I vowed to never again sign up on a dating site. I tried maybe 10 or so since my beloved passed away in April, 2009, including the venerable eHarmony (not so venerable as I soon learned). Some sites were tried more than once. I usually dropped out after a few weeks or a month when no one responded to any of my messages. (I've learned though that if you just throw a compliment at a woman, particularly about her looks, you will more often than not get a response LOL)
This time, however, I decided to stick it out a while, since I've learned from others that patience and persistence can pay off. Well, thus far, that has proven incorrect. (And, as a qualifier, I'd like to add that I know some women here have experienced just as much flakiness and, in some cases, downright insanity from some of the men here -- but I can only comment on my experiences as a straight man seeking a straight woman.)
Here is some of the wonderfulness I've encountered:
1. Too many women my age or within 5 years of it seems to want younger men. I put up a post about this on the message boards:
And women blame men for always wanting the pretty young things? Ladies, some of you are just as bad.
2. I have messaged younger women, women my age, and a few older, about 152 to date, since March of 2016 when I signed on. I have one platonic associate to show for it (we met once for a brunch-like meal), and one messaging correspondence with a nice sister 9,000 mi away in India.
3. I have had Christian women in the real world tell me -- to my face -- that my 5'6" was too short for them. One was shorter than I, by a few inches. The other was taller, but we were only supposed to be platonic friends. WHY did she feel the need to tell me that? I by no means EVER gave her reason to think I wanted anything more (and believe me, I didn't). The reason? Because when they wear heals, they don't want to feel stupid standing next to me. THIS is the Christian woman's dating criteria, at least in the spoiled West.
I get having physical preferences, but even this visually-driven man is realistic and not seeking some Hollywood ideal.
But, this may also be one of the reasons women here don't write me back. (I've been tempted to change that 5-6 to 6-5 to see what happens. Of course I wouldn't mislead them beyond that, but an interesting sociological experiment it would be.)
4. All but maybe 4 or 5 of my messages have been met by green check marks and no follow-up, or they have not been read at all.
My messages are nice, not lewd. I usually ask about the woman's interests/pastimes or about her Christian faith. And, I am greeted by a hand in my face.
And, how do you NOT read messages in your inbox here? And yes, I can confirm that at least some of these women are still active on the site because their pictures are being periodically updated.
For the record, I ALWAYS respond to a messenger, regardless of whether or not I'm interested. Got a post up about that one, too.
Now, the site is used more for entertainment than anything else. Some of the ladies' profiles are laughable or just make me shake my head. (Some of my favorite profile entries are "I don't know what to say. Ask anything you want to know," and "I'll put more in here later," which of course never happens.) Some photos are genuinely hot and so I enjoy a little eye candy for a few moments. And, I enjoy spinning the roulette wheel once in a while and taking a shot by messaging someone, even though almost every cell in my body awaits the unanswered, green check or no reading of my message ever.
Why does this happen? I think it's that men outnumber women a lot on sites like this (or so I've heard), and that many Western Christian women are spoiled by the success of Western Civilization and so have their expectations in the stratosphere (so that things like my height become a serious impediment, but if I was an *expletive* I might actually get somewhere!). So, I have very little hope of getting through this life without the gift of celibacy, but having to live as if I were so equipped. In the mean time, I will enjoy my one platonic, overseas correspondence and the periodic, entertaining profile. This site, unfortunately, and all sites like, serve no other purpose.
Not exactly a dating story, but my experiences on this site to date...
Posted : 12 Jan, 2018 02:28 PM
Eh, don't sweat it man. Things like that happen in public forums. It's always good to know your audience when you open your mouth, but in online forums, that's impossible.
I wasn't really seeking advice when I started this thread. I actually expected to hear others' war stories. But, if someone wants to offer a helpful critique (as "Edge" did), I'll read it and consider it. That's all I can do. If I ask for clarification on a point and don't receive it, I'm no worse off than before.
Not exactly a dating story, but my experiences on this site to date...
Posted : 17 Jan, 2018 09:30 AM
Yes, I would never turn down someone young and beautiful. The thing is, women must be caught fresh and eager, when they are 20, later they lose trust. You have got to know how to trigger a boring woman of whatever age into spiritual growth.
Not exactly a dating story, but my experiences on this site to date...
Posted : 18 Jan, 2018 08:09 AM
Hey Antigravidy00, I wanted to say thanks for your input on the post. Also, I enjoyed reading your profile--fascinating! My message settings are set so that I will not receive messages outside the US, but I wanted to offer...mmm...clarification on what the expression "Down to earth" means (to me as a 40-something US male) A person who is "Down to earth" is someone that MOST people find easy to relate to and understand in conversation, even if that person is well-educated, culturally diverse, has had some extraordinary life experiences...is exceptional or uncommon. Rather than distancing themselves from "common people", people who are down to earth genuinely enjoy engaging with "common people" because they are humble enough to appreciate that every person has intrinsic value and purpose regardless of how well educated they are, their occupation, their race/creed/color/culture/political values/religious beliefs/gender/...that's my understanding of it anyway. Also, if you're still having trouble sending messages, I would recommend you go to your profile settings and carefully look at settings regarding what kinds of messaging you allow/don't allow. I hope that helps. A pleasure to make your acquaintance--PastTheEdges
Not exactly a dating story, but my experiences on this site to date...
Posted : 21 Jan, 2018 03:46 PM
I would like to add a bit concerning the topic starter"s issue. Personally, I immediately wanted to ask: What did your wife die of? Was there any spiritual damage involved? Were you somehow involved in the spiritual damage? Could it be that you are too indifferent to what she had to go through at death?
I am not interested myself in those questions, but I would ask them if I were you - ask myself. Secondly, why is that when you see a hot girl, you dont see her soul? Finally, a little hint for ye. Remember the episode when Christ talked to a Samarian woman at a well? He said - You have had 5 husbands, and the one who you are with now is not your true husband. Legend has, her name was Fotinia, and she was later cruelly executed by the emperor of Rome along with her children for not denying that Christ was real. What do you think was so important for her in His words - to that extent, and that she went and brought people from the village, to check wether she has found a Messiah? Hope, I havent been too interfering.
I know what down to earth means, but to me it usually means nothing. I am a white crow
Not exactly a dating story, but my experiences on this site to date...
Posted : 27 Jan, 2018 01:34 AM
"Secondly, why is that when you see a hot girl, you dont see her soul?"
It is statements like these that I try to brace for when I open up publicly, but I can never be fully prepared. Even now I am fighting to hold back what I really wish to say.
Antigravidy, your question forgets a very basic, scientific reality: You CAN'T see anyone's heart UNTIL -- *gasp* -- you get to know them. Or, perhaps you are so gifted? Unfortunately, I lack such a superpower. I see the outward first and, over time, discover the inside.
And, as a man, I am more visually-minded than women are, on average. This is a reality about human sexuality that men are often put on the defensive for, but should not be. (Though, there have been exceptions in my life -- a very average-looking woman in college comes to mind.)
Women often find humor and the ability to protect them as attractive. Should I criticize those? Of course not.
The sooner you can accept these realities AND also accept that a decent man will appreciate your better internal qualities *as he gets to know them*, the better off you will be.
--PastTheEdges