To CDFF men seriously searching for a marriage partner -
It is my obsevation that majority are not willing to make the effort especially when distance is a factor. By effort, I mean to make the time to converse and get to know the other person so that both are comfortable to move to the next level of phone / video chat. Women needs to connect. If we cannot connect by WORDS (since this is online communication), then I think many of us will remain single (with me not included I hope ). What do you think? Why is there no effort?
I don't know. If I like someone, I would most certainly make the effort to get on Skype (especially if the other person wants it too).
However, it is possible to get on Skype too soon. If I start talking with someone, and the first thing they do is want me to talk on Skype or call on the phone, then I scare away. lol I am an introvert, so phone calls and live conversations are not my thing. But I will make it happen and want it if I feel that I am talking to the right person.
My guess is usually when two persons meet and one of them wants to get on the phone right away and the other doesn't want to yet, it's because one is an extravert and the other is an introvert. Extraverts need to understand that other people feel more comfortable to communicate in writing. at least for a few weeks. then it's okay to talk on the phone or skype. But we need a little time to "warm up." :)
Zsoltx: One reason why I never leave the site when I first meet someone is that it is a common scammer trick. They know their account will be flagged and banned soon, so they try their best to get as many as possible to leave the site . I think you are right about the extrovert/introvert thing, but there might be other reasons.
Thanks zsoltx. I am glad you took the time to share your input. Quite impressed with the time & care it took you to reply to Michelle. I figured personality has something to do with it and that is validated by your reply. I am an extrovert so an introvert may not warm up fast enough like you mentioned. I should be more sensitive to personality differences. Thank you for taking the time to reply.
Grace_of_God, you are correct, too. Some do not really want to make an effort on a long distance relationship to start with. I replied saying, maybe he needs to mention that in his profile. Some also do not use the selection which allows them to block non US person. They really should if they want US person only and do not intend to put in effort on a long distance relationship to start with. I learned to ask a practical question early on... Are you willing to put in the effort to get to know someone who is in another continent?
Part of the reason I enjoy online platforms such as this is that I like getting to know people from other areas. I am originally from a rural area in the US that is geographically inaccessible for most people and has remained isolated culturally.
That said, I tend to be the one putting forth a lot of the effort at connecting over a long distance,and sometimes I get self-conscious sometimes about coming across as desperate.
If a woman actually responded to my messages and actually had an interest *IN* communicating, I gladly would. But, after a guesstimated 1,000 tries since 2009 and barely one real-world *platonic* friendship to show for it, I ain't giving anyone any effort anymore.
Thank you for your replies 777 and Keithiepoo. Well, 777 I guess that is an advantage for you because as a woman, I can say that we'd like to be pursued. Men are the hunter, we are the prey. This platform allows us to initiate. It is still hard for me; a wink is the most I can do. Keithiepoo, maybe God's timing is different? Your chances of attracting the right person for you is gone if you've already given up... just a thought. God bless you both...
Yes, it has been gone for some time, whether or not I give up. So many tries over so long a period of time... so many attempts to kick Lucy's football (if you're familiar with the Peanuts comic strip)... and so I think it's time to stop thinking I'm ever going to actually kick that football. The "football" does not want to be kicked by me, so I'm through trying.
Simple reason, no touchy-touchy. Another reason is because I'm not attracted to Asian women, and they aren't attracted to me either. It's just how it is. No foreigners except tourists and expatriates here, so online dating it was for me.
Distance is also a good way to test your faith, your commitment, and your patience to wait on God's timing to bring the two of you together. True love requires a self-sacrifice, and in a long distance relationship, it's always means relocating. Leaving everyone you know, and your comfort zone to be with your partner.
Not many want to be in this relationship, especially the clingy, needy and rather selfish ones. They can't stand a day of not being able to see each other in person, want to be showered with attentions, etc., let alone be able to leave their comfort zones and relocate to another country with a different culture, and the people who lives there speak a different language.
A very long time ago, I was in a long distance relationship with a small town girl from Arizona. A fellow believer, older than me by two years, somewhat mature, have a pleasant attitude, and straight as an arrow. Although communication back then was so much harder than now (writing letters by hand, sending them by mail, and couldn't talk to each other over the phone regularly because int. call was so expensive), we did plan to get married, and she almost made that self-sacrifice. She asked me what kind of job she could get if she move to my country. God stopped us and told us no, don't get married yet, because I was too young and not ready for that kind of life, and also because He wanted to take me someplace else the next year to reveal my purpose, but she misinterpreted everything as breaking it off with me permanently
Neither of us were talking to each other or in any relationship with anyone else after that, but recently she got married, and she looks very happy. I'm glad. I hope it's a sign that it will be my turn soon, because I too, have found someone new who has the same quality, a diamond in the rough, except *sigh*, no communication whatsoever. Momentarily gone from this site too because I did something wrong to her (I checked out because I thought she wasn't responding to me), so yeah, I disappointed her.
It's tough to bounce back from a disappointment, but I'm not giving up just yet. I have placed my hope and everything in God's hands, and I don't want to do anything else that will be potentially catastrophic. Just waiting patiently and praying for her constantly because I know she really need the support. It's all I can give to her anyway.
And why am I telling you all of these??? Because I'm bored and it's just another sleepless night for me. 3:50AM in the morning at the time of writing this...
). What do you think? Why is there no effort?
