Okay ladies, as I attempt to approach various ladies and express interest, I find myself wondering how I should approach a total stranger on these sites to express interest.
Should I go for the gusto? i.e.
"Hi _______, I was reading through your profile, and WOW - you're still single? Can I try to help you change that? It was so nice to see that there are single women of God out there still, but I'd sure like to make it one less single woman of God available. My name is Ian, please take a look through my profile."
Or something more conservative like
"Hello _____________, I really enjoyed reading through your profile. It's nice to see that there's Godly women out there who are still single. I really liked what you wrote and would like to get to know you better, in hopes that maybe it'll go somewhere. Would you please take a look at my profile and get back to me?"
Or something like that - I'm just throwing out some hypothetical approaches. I've tried something like both of these, but seeing as how 99% of emails sent never get any response, it's difficult to know what's going on on the other end, y'know'm'saying'vern?
Remembering that this is a total stranger that you may take one look at my profile and go "Wow - we are so not compatible" cause sadly, the lady often knows something that I don't and we're just not compatible.
Would you be offended by a certain approach? Is there one approach you appreciate more than another?
Gimme yer random thoughts on this please, and any coaching or suggestions of what to first write would be appreciated.
Ian
p.s. - if you ladies would like, I can tell you in another forum what I think the guys like if you try to approach them.
well your start is great! kind of a little freaky for a stranger type of man in hisa first approach to say ooooh baby im here to take you off the market.
lol to first response. I had that same thought, but at the same time I like how the gusto was. Most guys on here can be too formal, and his first response had a bit of humor and flattering in it at once, not to mention that it is not just a simple sentence like the usual messages. It could go either way, but if by some miracle a guy can figure out how to keep the playfulness and light compliments while also not appearing too forward, that would be wonderful. I actually think, after reading the first response twice, that Ian did a good job of that, since he ended with a short and sweet, "My name is...please check my profile out sometime" or something along those lines. (Can't read it while replying :/ ) though that's, again, after reading it twice. Perhaps keeping the first while adding a bit more conservative to the end. Knock them off their feet and then let them down smoothly.
I like the more conservative approach, but I would still change parts of it so it doesn't sound like you're wanting to jump right in and start a relationship. You gotta get to know someone first and then decide if they are right for a possible relationship. I'd just go for a friendlier approach.
Hey all! I just read this book by Helen Fisher...the lady who helped design the tests for Chemistry.com...Its a fairly new book and I grabbed off a library shelf with a bit of skepticism...Interestingly enough it pegged me like a single dart hitting its target on a map of the earth!lol It says that (based on the tests offered) I am a BUILDER-DIRECTOR type personality and boy was that description right on! Too, and perhaps more importantly it talks about the type guy that I will find attractive and why AND the personality type that will find me attractive...and why! Great read and I'm curious if anyone else has checked it out?
Ian
Thought this may help you if you hadnt already read the books link in the forum. It may help yu with ur search...Its a start if your approach doesnt work. I think that I am going to look for the book myself.
Thank you very much ladies. I was just making those lines up; I am more careful what I write, and typically, I go the more conservative approach.
K. wrote:
"kind of a little freaky for a stranger type of man in his first approach to say ooooh baby im here to take you off the market."
Haha! Ya, I guess I didn't mean it that way - but that's the kind of feedback I'm after. Tanks eh.
Angel wrote:
"You gotta get to know someone first and then decide if they are right for a possible relationship. I'd just go for a friendlier approach."
Okay, now my former girlfriend (we're still good friends, she coaches me a little bit) was saying something along this line too; and this is where it gets kinda, I dunno... confusing? I mean, it's a christian dating site - we're here for a reason, so I figured pouring on the flirtation was acceptable here, and being up front about my hopes and intentions - even though I'm very much a "friends first" kind of guy anyway, so I would be seeking friendship anyway - but I figure, what the heck: get the question mark out of the way?
Even when I first started out approaching ladies on the christian dating sites, and I was ultra-conservative, "Hey I just want to talk to get to know you" and not suggesting anything romantic, the reactions were *exactly* the same ....silence (which much as I hate it, really is an answer), or "I'm sorry, I don't think we would be compatible." - even though I never even alluded to anything in the direction of romance.
I think the first contact should be strictly friendly. True, I think the people who are on this site (legitimately) are on for the same reason. But, you still shouldn�t just rush into saying that you�d like to start a relationship with someone in the first message because in all actuality you are basing this person on a brief portion of what someone has written about themselves and their life (their profile).
For me, it makes me think of how many other women a man has written to with the exact same message. Things should start friendly and then go on its natural course.
Ian, I think the more conservative approach is better, but definitely include a little "flattery." I am on this site b/c I'm serious about starting a relationship with someone and it's kind of annoying when I get messages like "hi, how are you? I liked your profile" - and that's it. What the heck am I supposed to do with that? But if they say something like "I was checking your profile and I noticed that you . . . etc etc. . . . and I find that really attractive . . . I would like to chat with you sometime . . let me know what you think." I don't think you need to specifically say "check out my profile" b/c if they're at least a little interested, then they're going to do that anyway. God bless you in your search! I enjoy reading your posts.
