Thread: What's the greatest lesson you've learned from online dating?
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What's the greatest lesson you've learned from online dating?
Posted : 13 Sep, 2019 08:34 AM
When I was still in law school, I tried OKCupid because one of my brothers had a positive review of the said dating site. I've used it as a diversion from stress and also as a platform to meet people from all walks of life. Needless to say, I put myself out there without any hopes of finding "the one". As an NBSB (no bf since birth), being single since time immemorial has never been an issue for me. It's not that I'm so full of myself or anything like that, I just feel like when someone is really interested in you, he would definitely find a way to make you feel that he's sincere with his intentions. He's that someone who's NOT into talking to different women all at the same time. Long story short, I have to say that my experience was generally pleasant, but of course there were not so good ones too.
Back in 2013, an American gent from California sent me a message that stood out from the rest. His message was very sincere and I didn't think twice of replying back. In other words, we hit it off fast because I'd like to believe that we're attracted to each other's morals and principles in life. The exchange of messages via email and Fb messenger plus Skype calls were countless that I've failed to realize that I was already falling for him. Yes, I was caught off guard by his kindness and sincerity...something that I haven't felt from other men who tried to pursue me. For the first time ever, I've never felt like a potato... that I was indeed some crispy fries instead He told me about his plans of coming here in the Philippines, and I also told him that if it didn't happen because of one reason or another...that I could possibly be the one to fly out there in the U.S. after my bar exam since I also have a lawyer cousin who's living in California.
Anyway, the sad part was this... He never made it here and he got married back in 2016. He also mentioned that he consulted his family about his plans of settling down here, or to put it bluntly, they feared that there's no water and electricity in our city lol. They feared that he wouldn't be able to survive in this country. To be honest, I got sad because I felt like I was prejudged before they even know me and my background. I was like...do I have to tell them I'm like this and that? Do they really think that all women, esp. Filipinas are the same? Heck, I don't have a "white fever" nor do I feel that love should be based on color. I couldn't care less whether you're black, brown, white or yellow---it makes no difference to me. I don't even consider Caucasians as milking cows or human atms. It just makes me really sad when other people make a sweeping generalization that all Pinays are the same. :( I can vividly remember crying one night in November 2014 because that's the time when he said that he could no longer talk to me as much as he wanted to because he was already seeing someone else... that he felt kind of guilty talking to me and the other woman, who's now his wife. As a Christian, I honestly thought that he's "the one" because we're so alike in so many ways and I even prayed to God about this man...
Life is indeed mysterious as it is with Love. We may have a laundry list of qualities that we desire in a lifetime partner, but all of these things wouldn't matter anymore if we've been bitten by the love bug.
Moral of the story: There's more to this life than the romantic kind of love --- for we are loved by our family and friends, and of course by the Great Almighty. Fret not if you're still single. After all, it's best to wait for someone than to end up with the wrong one. ^_^
And as Alfred Lord Tennyson puts it: "It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all".
Have a good day beautiful people! Take care and God bless. <3
What's the greatest lesson you've learned from online dating?
Posted : 14 Sep, 2019 08:13 AM
TheSkyIsBlue, thank you for sharing your story.
In my opinion, a long distance relationship is like living in fantasy land. How can we possible get to know a person if we never met each other face to face? In cyber world, we're mostly imaging what kind of personality of the other person has. It's easy to pretend to be someone else (in cyber world). It's easy to make promises, and it's so easy to brake them.
That's why I prefer meeting face to face in real life, before letting any feelings into my heart.
What's the greatest lesson you've learned from online dating?
Posted : 14 Sep, 2019 09:39 AM
Hi brevelatte! Nice to meet you here.
I agree that it's important to meet the person that you've met online face to face. A face to face conversation can never substitute endless online chats, emails and calls.
LDR is not for everybody since it takes a lot of patience and trust for both parties. However, LDR is also possible if both partners are willing to go through that path.
In this modern day of dating though, it's not enough that we're limiting ourselves to the nearby areas only coz I believe that we're singling out other potential matches. The choice however still depend on us.
I also believe that when love is real, no mountain is too high and no ocean is too deep for one to cross.
What's the greatest lesson you've learned from online dating?
Posted : 14 Sep, 2019 08:40 PM
An ancestor of mine already crossed those mountains and seas many generations ago, from Asia to England. They did it the old fashioned way though meeting their future spouse in person. The life of a sailor or the spouse of a sailor used to be a lonely one, and often enough still is.
I remember a story by Lucy Maud Montgomery set in the 1800s about just such a couple. The wife and son spent years thinking the husband had been lost at sea. One day he reappeared.
I've heard of others, real people, who were shanghaied from England and transported against their will to the Americas colonies and faced years of indentured servitude.
What's the greatest lesson you've learned from online dating?
Posted : 15 Sep, 2019 08:06 AM
Hi 2mountain Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
The situations that you've presented are still very likely to happen in any part of the world. Apropos meeting a potential match who is a thousand miles away, I believe that there should be some kind of exclusivity and mutual understanding first between both parties. After all, we don't want our efforts to be in vain.
What's the greatest lesson you've learned from online dating?
Posted : 18 Sep, 2019 03:48 AM
I went thru the online dating what feels like ages ago and got married (Thailand). I was married 10 years and we had built a life together. What drove us apart was having a child (something she always said she wanted) and her realizing that she wanted more of a doll than a child to raise. Now I am a single dad while she is off working. Going back into the online dating as I am not fond of the typical woman America creates I once again find myself looking overseas. The vast majority seem to have very similar profiles and you really won't know a person until you spend a lot of time with them so there is no lesson to be learned when reading profiles. Find someone who believes in marriage and that together you can work thru any problems. Keep the relatives out as you are starting a new family the two of you.
What's the greatest lesson you've learned from online dating?
Posted : 18 Sep, 2019 09:53 AM
Bonjour biens aime(és) en Christ. Qu'il vous souvienne selon la bible tout est possible pour celui qui croit et ne doute point. A mon humble avis l'on peut trouver un vrai partenaire à distance, le temps de se rencontrer face to face. Si l'intéressé a la crainte de Dieu il peut s'abandonner à sa partenaire qui est à l'autre côté sachant bien qu'ils ( les deux) s'aiment en esprit et en vérité.....bref notre pensée façonne notre devenir. Pour finir je suis sur ce site pour trouver mon ame soeur. J'aime Dieu de tout mon coeur de tout mon âme de toutes mes forces et de toutes mes pensées. Mis à part ma profession de cuisine je trouve un créneau pour annoncer le royaume de Dieu aux brebis égarés afin d'être assis à droite du père .ainsi le monde serait sauvé.
What's the greatest lesson you've learned from online dating?
Posted : 19 Sep, 2019 08:20 AM
Hello commodoreswab! Thanks for sharing your thoughts sir.
I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you and your wife. I hope you can still patch things up.
I agree that we can't fully get to know someone just by reading his/her profile, but it will somehow give us a glimpse of his/her personality. An actual face to face conversation where we get to see someone's facial reaction and body movements are crucial esp. when we want to establish a relationship with that person.
Hoping for the best things to come your way sir. God bless you!
What's the greatest lesson you've learned from online dating?
Posted : 28 Sep, 2019 11:13 AM
Hey there, Maganda!
That must have been reallt hard for you. Glad you have gained experience and gladly moved on.
I have had lots of experiences.
LDR (Long distance relationship) it's a lot work, a lot of effort, patience, tolerance, trust invested.
It eventually works out for a lot of people i know in person.
I believe it's best ask the holy spirit for directions, if it's in your destiny to meet your partner online or within your location.
But, i think we come online because we want something more better than within our reach.
My advise will be - Be careful, don't ignore the red flags, don't settle, try as much as you can to give your best (plan meeting within 1-3months of chatting) this will save you so much heart ache and getting too emotionally involved.
That is if you find each other really cool and worth keeping.
Pray hard! Involve God , him only can help you with the right choices.
May God bless us all and may we locate our heart desire, love, live happy and enjoy life to the fullest.
He told me about his plans of coming here in the Philippines, and I also told him that if it didn't happen because of one reason or another...that I could possibly be the one to fly out there in the U.S. after my bar exam since I also have a lawyer cousin who's living in California.
