So, I just got back from a cruise with my daughter and I saw a really cute "Kodak moment" that I can easily envision myself within.
A lady (about my age - 34) married to an older man (about 47) holding hands and engrossed in deep conversation.
Now, I have always wanted a man older than me and never was part of the dating younger men revolution. Maybe because I feel a man should be the "Tender warrior" and a shoulder to lean on, and wisdom comes with age, plus I connect so much with my dad and other fatherly figures (uncles, mentors, et al), etc... but ladies, what are your thoughts/experiences on this?
Is there something that I should know about dating older men? Are there surprises?
My perfect age group would be 44-47 but is that too old for me? Pls share your honest opinion. you can also email me if you dont feel comfortable spilling here.
Men - you as well, what have you found to be good or bad about dating younger women?
PS: I am NOT a gold digger. I have been thoroughly blessed with some gold of my own, but at the same time, would prefer someone richer or at least equal just because I dont want to play "cow to be milked" - BTDT. OF course all this is 'my' desires - subject to "HIS" plan for my life (Jeremiah 29: 11)
You guys can quibble on stats as to what gender matures faster and what gender is more mature overall but let me put in a few cents.
First, wisdom comes from God, exeperience comes from age. Ive met a lot of older people both men and women that are downright childish in their actions while some children have exercised more biblical common sense than many adults.
second, God made men to be the leaders of the household, leaders of the church, and the responsible ones in making the decisions and he told the women to be submissive. This concept goes back to the curse in Genesis.
I know women don't like to hear that but it's scripture and i see a lot of women looking for a man that will serve them and be prince charming and all this and that but when i comes down to it, they don't want to be submissive. Women who take pride in their "independent" attitudes should probably not be on a dating site at all.
I do not say that to bash women because you ladies need to be aware that husbands are supposed to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Guess who has the harder calling? The wives got the easier directive.
Getting back to the thread, typically and usually in scripture, you had women marrying older (sometimes significantly older) men. I would say it's just personal preference and if both parties agree, i see no problem (as long as we are talking about adults)
on a personal level, i would lean toward an older woman than younger one. I certainly wouldn't a rule out a younger woman but an older one is more likely to be more mature.
But some of these women in their early to mid thirties are looking for an older guy and not even considering us younger guys. seems a shame.
I know, there are personal preferences and people are at different stages of their lives and so they are looking for different things but i would say judge the character of the person and not the age if you're talking about maturity.
I know age definitely affects physical attractiveness but i have also seen some ladies that have aged very well and may look better now then they did when they were younger.
I'll just say to the ladies, don't scratch off the younger guys. Some of us younger dudes would be proud to be seen with some of you older ladies. :laugh:
For any larger age gap, the success of the relationship depends on the desires and make-up of the individuals.
If a younger person is mature beyond their years, then they will not respect and find incompatibility with persons near their age. They would find peace with an older person.
If an older person is very young-at-heart and has high energy, then they would feel they are dragging a person near their age along. They would be much more compatible with a younger person.
Professional bias alert: as a previous child abuse investigator for 10 years, I found spousal abuse perpetrated by the husband, IN EVERY CASE where the wife was older than the husband by more than a couple years. The psychology behind it is that the man is mad at his mother in a deep, even suppressed way. He is driven to marry an older mother figure, to physically assault her to release this deep seated anger. And there is no cure. She must run and not be found. I had 50+ cases per year like this.
Unprofessional bias: My "down home grandmotherly" advice to these women was to get a cast iron skillet. And some night around 3 am to 4 am, they take that skillet WITH ONLY ONE HAND and hit the husband upside the head while he is REM sleeping away. He will be afraid to go to sleep and back off. (But never hit while holding it with two hands--- you will kill the guy). Only a really bad drunkard would ever need a second dose of that medicine.
And as far as submission goes. The wife is commanded to respect her husband who lords over her as the result of the curse from the garden. But it is the man who has to be totally submissive to his wife, as she is the weaker vessel, and through submission, he actually supports her fully. It is a picture of Christ giving all for His bride, the church, and the church on bended knee declaring Christ "Lord".
Good day! I can certainly answer this question with some pretty good insight.
I was married to a man 14 1/2 years older than me. We were married for 15 years. We met when I was 19 and I married at age 21 (nearly 22).
At first, it was great. I was this young girl, not a lot going on and here was this 34/35 year old man that had a great car, decent job, etc. It didn't take long to see the gap that the age created getting wider and wider.
When thinking about dating/marrying an older man, there are things to consider:
When you're young, you can be active together. As time goes on, things "can" change.
Health issues can arise (although this can happen at anytime, if we're being honest).
The gap between likes and dislikes can get bigger.
You may begin to want certain things at a particular time of your life that he/she doesn't. (i.e. children).
Retirement comes at a very different time for the older spouse; that means that there is a potential that they are out doing their retirement thing and you're still working...FOR SEVERAL YEARS! (Unless there are special circumstances).
Part of my experience was that we were from 2 different generations and saw things very differently. Some of that were simply personality differences and some of that was age. All in all, I would probably not marry an older man again unless God was very clear that it was in His will for me.
I don't think that it's wrong in any way, shape or form to be with an order man but I would say that it's important to be "real" about the difficulties it can bring.
Bottom line, it is our responsibility to seek God about our relationships and make sure we are asking the right questions on the front end. We can only hope the other person is being honest with us. That is where the Holy Spirit can bring loving guidance to a situation.
That is a thought I have been wondering and delighted that it was brought up. My personal preference is younger than me...how much? I can only tell you that it depends on her personality, experience, upbringing...maturity/knowledge/wisdom in the Lord and world...that and more...and "chemistry". I do believe we need to keep the age range close to be on the same mental and emotional level. I want respect and someone who "needs" me, so it seems younger is more applicable. I am just not interested in an older woman...but how much younger??? Just like your question. SO---how many more ladies prefer older, and how much? I am going to be busy on the forum since this is all new-again to me. learning, but need more info!
the cast iron skillet works when they are awake.. my husband NEVER hit me again when I picked one up after he hit me and swong it at his head. I missed barely.. but he knew right then i would not take being hit..sadly he stepped up his game to other areas..but he never hit me again
I have almost never dated a man younger than I.. I actually prefer men who are 10-15 years older. I like they know how to treat a lady. they have lived enough life to understand it and they tend to not be so childish. NO offence to the young guys here as I am sure that you are all very mature but in my PAST this is what I found true for myself.
Some say that "age ain't nothing but a number", and I agree to an extent. I wouldn't say I have a rule about age and dating, but in general I think a gap large enough where one could be the parent of the other might a bit much. Generational differences could present a problem.
As far as who matures faster, and that whole argument: Most of the research I've seen says that women mature faster than men, but I don't think it's fair to generalize that either gender matures faster than the other. It is completely individualized. Some men mature faster; some women mature faster. I was seeing someone almost 8yrs younger than I am who is actually a very mature man of God. I've met men older than him that I would never consider as a potential husband because of their immaturity or passiveness. I don't want to dominate the marriage.
I'll just continue to pray and ask God to help me see each individual for who they are, and leave it in His hands.
My ex and I are 13 years apart. I think the difference in our maturity levels was sometimes a problem, but she was only 18 when we married (we were not Christians at the time). On the other hand, I believe she helped me to be more "young at heart".
I set my age preferences on this site to 33 to 50 (I'm 47 this month). My ex is 33 years old now. While the same age gap would be present if I married a 33 year old, obviously she would be more mature than an 18 year old (hopefully... lol!) and we'd likely have more shared experience due to simply living longer. Maturity levels would likely be more closely matched. I don't believe maturity would be as much an issue as it was during my marriage.
A certain age difference is not going to give you a certain maturity difference. Arguing statistics is pointless... all 33 year olds are not at the same maturity levels. I can be pretty goofy... sometimes, I'm not the most mature 47 year old, but I have fun!
The bottom line IMHO is the two specific people in question. My opinion is that anyting over about a ten year age difference should be more carefully and prayerfully considered before commitment than people much closer in age, just because of the potential differences.
If I felt that a 33 year old was "the one" for me, and I really believed that God meant for us to be together, I wouldn't hesitate to persue her.
So... Shunammite, I think an age range of 44 - 47 is perfectly reasonable for you. As an older man who was married to an younger woman, she kept me young and motivated! As a younger woman considering an older man, think about maturity levels, physical activity levels (some of our joints don't work as well as they used to!) and spiritual levels - being equally yoked.
Hope some of this helps - Good luck and god bless!
