So, I just got back from a cruise with my daughter and I saw a really cute "Kodak moment" that I can easily envision myself within.
A lady (about my age - 34) married to an older man (about 47) holding hands and engrossed in deep conversation.
Now, I have always wanted a man older than me and never was part of the dating younger men revolution. Maybe because I feel a man should be the "Tender warrior" and a shoulder to lean on, and wisdom comes with age, plus I connect so much with my dad and other fatherly figures (uncles, mentors, et al), etc... but ladies, what are your thoughts/experiences on this?
Is there something that I should know about dating older men? Are there surprises?
My perfect age group would be 44-47 but is that too old for me? Pls share your honest opinion. you can also email me if you dont feel comfortable spilling here.
Men - you as well, what have you found to be good or bad about dating younger women?
PS: I am NOT a gold digger. I have been thoroughly blessed with some gold of my own, but at the same time, would prefer someone richer or at least equal just because I dont want to play "cow to be milked" - BTDT. OF course all this is 'my' desires - subject to "HIS" plan for my life (Jeremiah 29: 11)
I have found I prefer the company of older men all most all of the time. I say its not the age but how you feel when you are with them and away form them. The kind of person you wnat to be.. find who makes your life more complete ...
I'm young and have very few years of experience to contribute to the question, but I've always found it to be a cop out for women to date older men. From 14-30 a woman's psychological maturity lags significantly behind that of a man; part of that is genetics and part of that is society.
However, what I've increasingly found is that although a girl's flesh might look right to me if she's 18 (usually anyone under 22 seems young lately), her maturity reminds me of a child's. I want to be a father one day, but I don't want my first child to be my wife =(
For some men, it's the only way to find a woman willing to be submissive is to find ones young enough to lack equality with the man.
I'd much rather find someone within a few years of my age simply because we'd have so much more on which to connect in terms of culture, experiences, and maturity.
dear shuna, i wished i could give you some insight here.. but i cant , as ive only been with older women since i was a teenager.. so i couldnt even tell you what its be like.. but then again maybe thats what i been doin wrong .. hehe
WOW, am i the only one who is taken aback by the comment that women lag behind men psychologically. I'd like to see the company who conducted that test, and review the stats.
If I could choose, 5 yrs younger to 5 yrs older because where he is at in the life cycle would be similar.... age of children, work experience, activity level and possibly expectations. Also, at my age, i am not too interested in becoming a caregiver in five years (just because he is "healthy" now, can't assume no strokes for 20 yrs).
I agree with goldenstarfish, the statement by Bush256 above, "From 14-30 a woman's psychological maturity lags significantly behind that of a man" is utterly false. In fact, I am pretty sure it is the opposite if we are generalizing.
As for the question at hand - I think it is better in a relationship that the man be older and I don't believe there is anything wrong with it being more than 10 years.
American women tend to be squeamish and cynical about large age differences but in other cultures and countries it is par for the course and considered normal and preferable.
I think the advantages are that women do age faster than men and, of course, women have a biological clock that men don't have. Also, men are supposed to be the provider and the protector so an older man is far more likely to be able to do both (not just financial and physical protection but emotional and spiritual as well).
Also, because women DO emotionally mature faster than men, men near a woman's age, particularly in the twenties, is usually too emotionally immature for her. For instance, inability to commit is a common problem for men in their twenties.
It's the story I've heard in every psychology class I've ever taken. Women sexually develop before men and have the appearance of being the more mature sex until about 18; there's a brief level of equality; and after that the societal expectations placed on men mature them faster than women.
We can each bring up petty issues about what we've seen of the other sex. However, the case is made easily when you ask which gender is more equipped to go out into the world and be self sufficient.
Self sufficient young women are a rare breed, even on the East Coast (where gender equality is part of the culture). By contrast, many men expect to be self sufficient by adulthood, either 18 when some of them get kicked out of their homes or following college when they have to start paying back loans.
While part of this is God's plan, it's also exacerbated by the level of societal expectation that holds women to a lower standard. It's also the driving force that makes "empowered" women seem so strong, because they defy the norm of depending on others to think and provide for her.
Thanks for your response Bush256. Allow me to briefly respond now.
The realithyh is - self-sufficient young MEN are a rare breed too! How many of them are still living with their parents or hanging out with gangs or at the bar? How many of them are spending their evenings playing video games or surfing for porn. That is not emotional maturity!
Now women have their issues too, but I don't see how you can argue men have an advantage here. If anything there are more "societal pressures" put on women to be self-sufficient due to feminist ideology and the fact that so many of them find themselves single with children or at least with a non-supportive man.
Sorry - but your theory that men are more psychologically mature than women does not wash with me and I don't think it has anything to do with me being on the East Coast.
I'm very envious that you know so many women who have the maturity of an adult. Having lived all over the country, in both large and small cities, my experience has been that while many young people (both genders) fail to act like adults, far fewer girls have stepped up to the plate than the men I've met.
Although I easily get type caste into being some rich white kid, I've lived poor. I won't bore you with the details, but I will say that even the self proclaimed ghetto usually stop trying to one up me when I share because they know I'm real. I share that to say when I make my generalization, I rely on my experience with various geo-strata and not just on a localized sub-demographic.
However, keep in mind that failure to plan and then inheriting more responsibility doesn't make someone mature. Nor do the women and men you mentioned comprise the majority of young people in this nation. Most women do not have multiple children from unwed fathers (the site blew up over the accurate use of the B word) let alone one; and most young men are not living at home into their 30's. MTV may make it seem otherwise, but in America, the statistics don't support that conclusion.
I am not sure what you are arguing for but I think you are arguing for something that is just not there. If you are trying to make a claim that more women than men in this country are immature and not "stepping up" or are not advancing as fast as men psychologically then I will iterate my disagreement and leave it at that.
I think both the facts and the studies do not bear you out on that, whatever your personal experience.
has anyone looked outside, in the sky, at night this week? It's a full moon. . .
*girls mature physcially in less years than boys... that does not mean "sexually". Sexual maturity is when one is able to reproduce. "The female growth spurt usually begins between ages 10 and 14, and ends by age 16. The male growth spurt usually begins between ages 10 and 16, and ends by age 18. Girls generally begin puberty a few years earlier than boys, somewhere around ages 11 to 12."CliffsNotes.com.
"While it has been shown that older persons are generally more mature, psychological maturity is not determined by one's age."Sheldon, K. M.; T. Kasser (2001).
"As of the late 1990s, 26 percent of men and 19 percent of women in the United States were single adults." CliffsNotes.com. Relationships:
*So far i have googled to find evidence to support the above statements of women inferiority but i have not found any. When i research, i check what agency or writer's qualifications are when giving credit for statements. However, i'm not writing a thesis!
The original question was marrying an older man.
It may be more appropriate to make your statements, paraphased in a question as an author. then you may be successful in finding like-minded individuals.
