This is similar to the "Why do some wo/men disappear" post, but please I really want to learn. This whole love pursuit thing wearies me out sometimes. Even though I am now on this site to make friends, still it can be hard to figure people out and their true intent. Human beings are just so complicated, I wish we had a brainet (like internet) where you can dial into people�s brain and KNOW what they are thinking, no guessing.
So the question is: How do you recognize someone who is �playing games�? I just don�t have time to waste on games, but I also don�t want to misjudge. One would assume Christians do not play games but it looks like that is a na�ve way of thought?
Please fill in the gap. I know s/he is playing games when _________________
** Please this is not intended to bash a particular sex � male or female. I value all opinions but please please please and please, do offer it in a manner that shows respect to all. Thanks in advance!!!
Oddly enough, I've had this happen to me. several times. And i've done it once, to someone, realized what i was doing, and stopped, and appologized. And from that experience I learned a few things.
When things move too fast or they come on really strong
when it seems too good to be true
when they focus on flattery and compliments
if there is ANY sexual discussion - always bad.
what is the content of the discussions? we all know there are good topics and bad topics, and reality and such and people who are genuine will dialog with you about any given thing at any time, that you are interested in.
They use alot of *pet names*
they are fickle
See, this is what happened to me. (this was a long time ago) I had a gal make me think she was all into me and would leave me hanging for days, then she would show back up like nothing happened and use all these pet names and flattery, and say all these incredible things, then dissappear again. I finally asked her some very serious questions and she kinda backed off, and shut down and then I warned her I would not continue the discussions with her unless she came up with some real answers to my very real concerns and inquireys.
She basically ran at that point.
Some people, for whatever odd reason, like to toy with your emotions and will just... i dunno, its like sadism or something, they want to see if they can do it? But they have no intention of making a true commitment.
I did something similar, as I said, to a girl, on this website, quite some time ago. I kind of came and went, talked to her when I felt like it, said nice things to her to keep her coming back for more, and then she started to get attached and I pulled away, And I didn't even know I was doing it. I seriouosly didn't, it just would come to that point in the conversation where she would ask me something about *us* ie her and I, and I would kinda change the subject or go beat around the bush. I guess I liked that she was attracted to me, and I liked how that made me feel, but when it came down to it, I knew, in my heart, she wasnt the right person for me, and I wasnt the right person for her, but I was lonely and I was kind of using her for attention. We weren't talking all hot and heavy or anything, just talked alot about life and love and such, kids, this and that, no sex stuff, but she wanted more of me, I knew it, didnt tell her, and led her on.
this was a long time ago after my wife left me. and here is the deal, and you can quote me on this:
Desperation draws the wrong people at the wrong time, loneliness makes us lay quick claim to them.
I was not doing it to amuse myself, I just liked the attention but had no intention of commiting. So I realized this, and I asked her to forgive me, and she deleted her account on this website and disappeared. And I vowed to never do anything of that nature again.
I refuse to let someone's jerkery keep me from receiving the promise of God. I look here because God has promised someone to me. I know he's there. I just have to find him. I do not like playing games. It stings. I stated before that some men put more time into buying a pair of shoes than in finding someone on here. There are people who are really committed and really want a godly person. There are apparently others who want to dance around with you and talk to you a little bit and not make speedy, good progress in moving on with you and determining if you are the person for them. I am very diligent in my search. I will receive the promise of God. I have to keep showing integrity and loving no matter the things they put at me. I pray the game playing will stop on here and stop right now and this site will be used for committed Christians who really and look for the godly person God has for them.
Shunammite, to me game playing could include three things:
Talking to you lightly with no objective and no real indication wanting to get to know you or determine if you're for them.
Being vague, disrespectful, nonsensical, making no sense in what they're saying, or saying silly, obvious things that make no one want to be involved with them.
Having an interest in you, yet not moving it. There's no real indication they want to move forward. I think my second post on here was dealing with the flippancy that some men have toward finding someone on here.
I have no time for games either. And I certainly do not want to waste my time on somebody who does not want to go forward with me.
wow, thanks gloryshine and Tristan, REALLY helpful!
Sis glory, your stance is very encouraging. I refuse to let someone's flippancy discourage me henceforth!
I am a go getter and once I knew I was ready for a relationship, it was a goal. Just like at work, I have objectives and I meet them. The one difference is that with dating, no known analytical modeling works with human beings, right? Else, John Gray and Barbara De Angelis would not be divorced. LOL! That�s when I am reminded to soft pedal and let God lead � which is where I stand with the site now. I came to that realization several weeks ago: just make friends, enjoy them, learn about men in general, and wait for God�s own. Problem is, behind my mind, I know my ultimate goal is to be in a fulfilling Christ-like marriage. It�s hard not to get carried away ever so often when a similitude shows up. That�s when I have to sort the true seekers from the gamers. Thanks again. Great tips from you both!
Shunammite, Isn't it ironic how we can post a post with the name First Kiss or some other catchy title or on a not-so-important topic and all kinds of people respond. Yet let us post on Games or Progression of relationships or other practical things like like that (preparation for a godly marriage) and it's basically just you and I talking to each other. I think that explains a lot of the problems we have on here and is very telling. Also, not on games, but just a comment. I just saw a man's profile that said he was interested in a woman who was constantly upgrading herself. Can you believe that? I didn't realize we were disposable, lightly-valued electronics. I guess you and I are models he can't afford. And rightly so.
gloryshine: i and maybe some others have decided by action or lack of action not to contribute because of the general theme to personalize why our view is wrong, and in long dialog filled with one-liner bible verses.
to give a view, i'll respond with a question... do we know we were played by a gamer before the game is up? usually not. Plus, they are very good at it. Also, it's not just in personal relationships, but also games are played in work, volunteering, business, school, etc... The "gamer" turns it on for all of their human contacts.
Ladies, please keep posting. We may not be writing but we are reading your views.
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THEN WORDS! If somebody Is telling you everything you wanna hear yet acting really flaky by blowing you off one minute and coming on really strong the next...then thats def. not a good sign!
Some guys/girls are really good though...they have there game on at all times! I tend to listen very carefully to anything that Is said to me...just to see If they go back on there word or something just Isnt adding up....Another good thing to remember Is that there Is always two sides to every story. Dont get me wrong I will take somebody at there word Intill I am proven otherwise but I am still very cautious!
The best thing to do though Is go to God In prayer. Seek him about the person you are talking to and ask him to reveal anything about the person to you that needs to be revealed ...and trust me..HE WILL...but you have to be open to It. Dont ask God to reveal things to you about somebody and then Ignore the vary things that he Is trying to show you. God Is the only person that fully knows a persons charactor, thoughts, motives and or Intentions, Be patient and let things unfold but at the same time guard your heart while you wait!!!!
When you are seeing somebody that God never Intended for you to be with then normally you will have NO PEACE. So, anytime there Is no peace, tons of questions arising or alot of uneasiness...then that person probably Isnt the one for you. It's not always that the person Isnt legit or generally sincere he/she can be a really great person but still not the one that God intends for you..he knows who you will be compatible with...so just put everything In his hands and seek him & ask him to guide you. I always tell him.."Father, not my will, but your will be done In this sitution"..after all, He knows the outcome to everything you will ever experiance In life and If you let him and can spare you so much misery and heartache.
I hope this makes sense to you and answered your questions..I tend to ramble at times.
This is an interesting discussion. So far, it seems like some people make it really obvious on their profiles that they are looking to get married, or that they are only interested in friendship, not marriage. Others (me included) just say they are looking for anything. Is it deceptive to say I am looking for "anything" if in reality I wouldn't mind meeting Mr. Right should he happen to be on here? The only reasons why I didn't put "long term relationship," or "a marriage partner," or whatever the choices were, are that I didn't want to come across as desperate and I didn't want to attract men who don't care who they converse with, as long as it leads to a more permanent relationship. What advice would you all give? Y'all are obviously a lot more experienced at this sort of thing!
I like what you said about no sexual conversations. Talk about awkward! I think the most that should be said is something that relates to what you or the other person is looking for (ie. virgin only, divorced ok, never married parent ok, etc.). That just seems like a good way to weed out the ones that are definitely not for you, and therefore keep you from stringing anyone along falsely. Make sense?
I put seeking 'a long term realationship' instead of 'a marriage partner' because the Christian pre-marital guides I had read in the past said getting married in 7 months was optimal.
I know I am not ready to get married that quickly.
But I am seeking marriage. So by putting that I want a long term relationship, I hope they understand that I am serious. And they realize that marriage is desired, but after 12 to 18 months.
