So here's an interesting thought I'd like to share, and please feel free to comment. I love Theology and if this turns into a lively discussion, that would be great. But I don't think this is a good format for a full fledged debate.
Anyway....
I've been noticing on several people's profiles different comments that when you boil them all down, they basically say the same thing. What they say is this: "If you smoke or drink you are disqualified from being my mate." This doesn't really seem like a big deal at first - its just people who know what they want and weeding out the unlikely candidates. But when I look more closely at this statement, I find two inherent problems with it (actually four).
The first is this. Let us suppose that the statement is there because the person either finds those things gross or just bad habits. Well, it is certainly understandable, but it shouldn't be a disqualifier. Why? Because we all have bad habits. We all do things that other people find gross. How about the guy who doesn't smoke but chews his toenails (yes it is possible! lol) and leaves them piled on the table? Or what about the girl who doesn't drink but loads up on caffeine during the day and then has to take sleeping pills at night to counter the affect? Are these people still potential mates while the smokers and drinkers are not? Suppose as well that the smoker/drinker in question has absolutely no disgusting or bad habits save the one. Now that is amazing! I would like to meet that person- oh but wait, that one bad habit is smoking/drinking... sorry sir or ma�am. My point is this: we all need to be careful when choosing our potential mates, but we need to choose them by looking at the whole person. I am reminded of Matthew 7 when Jesus speaks of removing the plank from your own eye before bothering with the speck in somebody else's. The speck and the plank are of course referring to sin not habits. But I think more fundamentally, He is speaking about human interaction and the way that His church should deal with each other on a one-to-one basis. So don�t latch onto the one habitual spec in another�s eye when you have many more bad and disgusting habits then that � and some of them are even worse!
Now, here is the second problem I have, and this one is even more of a danger in its way of thinking. Let us suppose that the person does not want a smoker or drinker because they think it is a sin. Let�s not even bother getting into whether it really IS or not because that would waste too much time and get us far off the topic. Let us just suppose for the sake of the people who do think so, that it is. Okay, so you�ve got someone interested in you but they�re a smoker or drinker. They sin on a regular basis... They are a sinner�.. what�s the problem again? Lol. Do you get where I�m going with this? If you are going to disqualify someone for being a sinner, you�ve not only disqualified every potential mate ever in existence, but you�ve disqualified yourself as well. Now I realize that some people actually believe that Christians � through the power of the Holy Spirit � are actually able to stop sinning. I can�t really discuss that here for the same reasons I can�t discuss whether smoking or drinking is a sin. I will tell those people flat out that they are wrong, either due to a faulty progression in logic or more likely a misinterpretation of Scripture. Other than that, I won�t discuss it here; and if you do believe such a thing is possible, this entire post will hold no water for you. This discussion is for people who haven�t been made perfect quite yet. Back to topic though � so it�s a sin. So what? Not that I�m treating sin flippantly � I�m not � but Christ is doing the same work in that person as He is doing in you. And get this, He doesn�t always deal with people�s issues in the same order! Isn�t that great? If He did, we�d all be at the same place. I wouldn�t be able to help you with your issues and you wouldn�t be able to help me with my issues because we�d all have the same issues! Praise God that He deals with all of us on an individual basis. And that is what we need to do � deal with each other on an individual basis, regarding the person as a whole, not just a collection of their problems.
So there you have it � two reasons why I think this outright disqualification of an individual is a wrongheaded approach to finding who it is that God wants us to marry. I said at the beginning that I actually have four reasons for thinking so, but the other two are more dependent on your interpretation of scripture, so I won�t bring them up unless the discussion starts leading down those roads.
Anyway, please feel free to comment and tell me why you agree or disagree. God bless.
Well,I was drinker and a smoker for most of my 43 years,alcohol caused terrible consequences in my life,(or lets say my overconsumption of it) and i struggled with addiction to cigarettes,it to takes a lot out of you(money,health)when your younger,these things are not as magnifed as they might become later.I personally dont have anything against people who drink moderatly,if they dont have a history of being a drunken idiot like me.also,its really a struggle to quit smoking,ive quit and started back so many times,you wouldnt beleive,I think most people(especially older people) just dont want to deal with these habits,i mean lifes hard enough already!But I do hear what your saying there are a whole lot of other bad habits out there,and any potential mate is bound to have a few.I think its just a personal preference,and I hope I dont hear any other christians use the verse about your body being a temple,because this verse clearly is speaking about adultry!Though there are many verses about drunkeness!
i totally agree with steven. many of us drank and smoked when we were young, but got over it. now, there is no way we want to be involved with someone who has these habits. although, the light drinking is not a problem as much as any smoking is.
also these two habits cause death in a lot of cases unlike other bad habits...maybe even mine if i was exposed to them yikes!!!
That's a good point. Even though being a smoker alone is not enough to disqualify someone for me, I would have to turn down a "pack a day" chain smoker. The reason is not because its gross or unattractive - which I think it is - but because I wouldn't want to constantly live in fear that my wife would develop cancer and die.
I also understand that if something is a problem for you (general) personally, that being around someone who does that is not a good idea. That seems like a good reason for some of the statements I have read that I did not consider before.
For me smoking chokes me and i think its gross i always have. I dont like drinking and would rather them not but i can handle that as long as they dont get snookered. I also dont like cussers either i used to cuss really really bad but when i got saved the Lord took all that away from me. I do agree we all have things to work through and we are not perfect but there are somethings i cannot live with. The other things u talked about would be things u found out once u were around them for awhile. blessings-Shirley
Smoking and heavy drinking don't just affect the person who is doing them. They also affect the family. Look at all of the domestic violence caused by overuse of alcohol. And, second-hand smoke causes diseases for others. Not to mention how your loved ones have the agony of watching you die a slow, painful death from a smoking-related illness, as my family had to endure with my father. I don't care to go through that again.
I've noticed that a guy like me (ok, really..I'm here for the pen pal type thing and the interesting discussion..I think my profile states that..I'll have to check..) would be a pariah because I happen to drink a little.
I, on the other hand, couldnt really see myself with a smoker unless she were pretty restrained. It makes me ill. Literally. Not the "Oh, that's gross," kind of ill but the "I'm going to have to take a day off work today," type.
Only cigs, though. Interestingly enough, I've been around burning fuel, rubber, wood, bbq's, leaves, cigars, cloves, burned food, trash, etc, etc. Only cigs tend to give me sinus infections.
I think it is a good point that we are all sinners and make mistakes and get stuff wrong.
My personal preference is that a potential mate would not be a smoker or drink too much but im not sure if I would disqualify that person immediately.
I would say that if you are looking for a potential mate you want to find someone who is similar to your way of thinking. Obviously, to find someone with your exact ideals is very hard but some people feel strongly about smoking and drinking. You have to remember that a potential mate could become your husband or wife and you have to live with them for the rest of your life. You would obviously have to put up with some faults but some not everyone would be able to live with a smoker or someone who drings regularly. I dont think there is anything wrong with that as long as you handle it in the right way.
