Dear brother, again, sorry to hear how bad you're hurting.
I've had my share of devastating heartbreaks, years ago as well as more recently... and while I can't publish all the details, just a few short recaps.
Some years ago as I was going through a very tough time (many trials, such as having to move due to neighbour harassment .. plus, family issues), someone donated me a membership at a Christian singles' site. (I had been there on and off, so I was familiar with the system..) Of course I thought - Great! God is going to bless me with a husband, after all this hardship and pain! (He often has done it, when humanly, all hope seemed lost.)
I was so full of hope and expectation... as the donated membership seemed a gift from Him..
How wrong was I.. Instead, I encountered a narcissistic abuser, who assaulted me emotionally, and it was a long recovery process to break free from that trauma bond.
This someone seemed just right, was interesting and we seemed to have some things in common... my age, intelligent, was able to have intellectual conversations on topic not so many people know about.
There definitely were some 'orange flags', such as he seemed to know the right things to say, and he knew how to win people over at the public discussions... a bit too keen to appear a 'good guy'... .. and he did not 'tick' my boxes, but hey, I thought I can give a chap a chance, maybe God had something in store in an unexpected package..
Well, it quickly became apparent he was an abuser... the narcissistic side jabs and little slurs ... 'oh you have done nothing in life' etc..
(this man had a great and successful career, in fact that probably was the reason his previous marriages had failed... most likely he was upset, becauseI did not give him the adoration and admiration he expected.. I am used to being around academics, so I don't worship someone's doctorate..)
After I called him out for his bad behaviour, and the arrogance, he went ballistic, openly quoted our conversations on the public forum posts, hinting at 'people not being all that'. etc etc...
(needless to say, he complimented and flattered all other women on the forum, I was completely ignored.. but he took my interests I had mentioned on my profile and claiming to write a book about them... it is a very typical narc tactic to steal someone's passions and claim to be an expert on them)
This person had most people fooled and buffaloed, but a few godly and mature women and seen through him from the start, recognising all the signs and patterns.
Even though I knew his tactics, and that he deliberately wanted to make me feel small and helpless, and knew it was from narcissism, it was very draining emotionally.
Of course, he eventually found someone (a divorced woman, with kids, a success story unlike me)...
That emotional grief and stress alone triggered certain health issues that I still am battling.
Yes, I learned even more about narcissism I had known before, but it was not all helpful...
Second story, just last year..
A guy I considered a Christian brother and friend - we had been in e-mail message contact for some time, and had some good conversations. It was never openly discussed whether we would eventually video chat or talk on the phone... he never asked directly.
Suddenly, he tells me he's too busy to be in touch, as he's video chatting with a non-Christian lady..!! (who was ready to give him sexual favours...)
Needless to say, I told him what I thought of that - and asked why not rather get to know a Christian lady in his region ( a large metropolitan city)..
I got all the reasons why he could not find a Christian woman nearby, so he was happy to be 'just friends' with this non-Christian lady.. yeah, sure...
This, from a man who's been a believer for decades.
I was totally bummed... had he told me he had met a Christian woman, and got to know her better, I would have been overjoyed for him... but to hear that a brother in Christ preferred the company of a non-Christian woman... a slap in the face.
Very disappointing..
All this, while praying and seeking the Lord for His will and direction. Maybe it was an answer He provided, before I was more deeply attached... but even then, it was such a shock to see what some Christian men actually see as acceptable..
It really seems that while men *say* they want a Christian woman, what they really want is someone experienced, who's slept around and who knows all the 'tricks' ..
Things really have changed from the days my parents met and got married.
My Dad sure did not expect my Mom to 'practice' with other men, so she could give him more pleasure... but today, it's almost always expected
How very demeaning.. God help us all who sincerely want to meet someone with common faith and values!
I haven't been on much today, haven't felt well. Thanks for all the encouragement. And uh... I'm not one of those wanting a woman who has been around!
I'm kind of in a bitter state of mind and heart at the current time. I am ignoring messages, winks, all of it. I think the 3rd degree burns I got from "that woman" have me kind of shying away from most all women now. Not y'all, just those as mentioned above. My computer isn't acting right at times, my vision is getting so poor, I can't read all of what's typed here on the forum, or even messaging, so I'm not ignoring anyone, I just can't see half of it! Feeling discouraged in all ways, shapes, sizes and colors tonight.
God bless to all. Not sure when or even if I will return.
Oh I ran a copy each of the last emails SincereChristianDDC sent me, which included the scorcher, by a counselor yesterday. She didn't even think it was the same person, and suggested it could've been anyone, using any picture, maybe even a man! We felt also it may have been her "supposed to be divorced" husband confiscated her phone and typed that last heart stomper to me, not even her doing it. Lots of possibilities. I agreed. I do not think that was the same person who had been so sweet to me for 2 months. May have been someone, even a man in N.Y., not even a woman in San Antonio! Anything is possible when you can hide behind a screen. By not ever sharing her/his phone number, or last name all that time, I should've heard the fuse hissing before the explosion. I learn.
