I wonder sometimes if I'm single because my standards are too high. For example, because I have saved myself for marriage, I expect the same out of my future husband. Because I am unashamed of my faith, I expect my future husband (since men are to be leaders) to be even more "on fire" than I am. I do not tolerate smoking, drinking, worldly music.....so am I single because my moral expectations are too high? I won't lower them by any means, but does that mean God has called me to be single (yes, that DOES happen...), be devoted unto Him alone, and live a solo life of ministry like some of the Bible saints? Am I single because my expectations are too high? I often wonder this....Does anyone else have the same problem?
You, dear sister, are the Princess of a King who came to RAISE THE BAR! There are just more frogs than Princes in the Kingdom . . . . . .THAT ought to get a few croaks! :ROFL:
Having said that, though, in one sense you MAY be missing opportunities with men who are NOW devoted to purity before marriage but may have, like me, lived like the proverbial prodigal son in the past. The older we are, the more likely we are to have missesd the mark many many many times. Some of the most whole hearted Christians were once whole hearted pagans. (God bless their integrity!)
I would respectfully and gently suggest that as you keep your banner held high you also listen for a repentent heart. When I read the profiles of men over 40, I hear regrets, regrets, regrets. That's certainly MY testimony; but I dare to hope that if God who is Perfect is still crazy about me, maybe there's a Prince of Godly Choices out there who will be crazy about me too someday.
None of us are born into the royal family of God. We are all adopted; and we are called sons and daughters by the King of Kings with open arms while we were are yet hopeless and helpless, ragged and poor. You are entitled to
God gave us Standards to live by and Commandments to obey. These were not "suggestions" or "good ideas", but rather a "Way of Life".
Mankind has constantly found itself unable to meet those srandards; so instead of trying harder -- we instead have been lowering those standards and declaring how rightous we are in achieving these "revised" standards.
God did not made those standards impossible to achieve, but God knew that not all of us would be able to reach them. Still the very fact that we continue to try makes us better people, better sons and daughters of Our Father.
So, you have every right to set your personal standards as high as you like -- just remember that (as Ms. Val pointed out -- we are made new in Christ) as a New Born Christian we are a "pink and as shiny" as a new born baby's you-know-what.
So it is possible to be a "new" virgin , with a heart made pure and clean as new fallen snow by Christ's Blood. Also sometimes those that have "paid" for their mistakes and are ready to "begin" again with Christ -- are those that truly "Know" the Cost of not living by God's Standards.
Besides who better to preach to a sinner tha a sinner.
As for staying single -- there are men and woman that do just that (dedicating their entire life to God) -- Monks (Brothers) and Nuns.
I believe I've gone off on a tangent (I can't remember the question). I'll leave with an observation:
I was watching C-Span and I noticed that Nancy Pelosi does not blink. I have never seen her blink. Could she be an Decepticon?
Generally speaking, I would agree that having high standards is not a bad thing at all. No one wants to settle for less than their best or what they absolutely deserve.
That being said, I think when my personal standards get too lofty, God convicts me that I might be being too judgmental against those people who don't live up to my standards.
My standards certainly can't be any higher than God's, so if a person is good enough for him, then they should be good enough for me. Love covers a multitude of sins and forgiveness can be a pretty awesome thing.
So that's my 2 cents. Or maybe it was 1 cent, I didn't want to ramble too much :P
Wow. I may have given the wrong impression of myself. I definitely come from somewhere, as do we all. So I know I'm not perfect. I don't expect a future husband to be perfect either. But as another poster mentioned, God's standards are to be our way of life when we take on His name. That's all I'm saying. But I seem to be getting a lot of "Sunday Christians" in my path, and I don't see how that's okay. Go live unto yourself during the week and then raise your hands to God on Sunday....I don't see that that's biblical. We definitely all have "David" times in our lives (whether that's one minute or one decade) that God calls us out of and cleanses us from. But Paul makes it clear that we should not go on sinning so that grace may increase (Romans 6:1), and Revelation declares that God will spew from His mouth the lukewarm Christians (Revelation 3:16). I understand that God's love covers all sin and that once a person is born again, he is a new creation. That is definitely something I am so thankful for, coming from where I have. So if the man I am supposed to marry made a few bad choice in his past but now vehemently rebukes the mistakes from his life in Christ, then that's what is to be looked at. Does the life he's living NOW match up with Christ has called of us? None of us have arrived, but there is a certain "blamelessness" we are to strive for as we aim to know more about and become more like Christ every day. I just can't seem to find men like that and have even been told by some to lower my expectations to find one, but that is not something I refuse to do. Those of us that have been saved from something detrimental should be the last ones to lower standards, in fact, because it is easy to go back. Let our yesses be yes and our nos be no. I guess that's where I'm comiing from.....but it seems I have given the wrong impression of myself from the beginning. Sorry.
My Dear Sister! Hold high the mark for look to whom you hold that mark for. If your husband is to be a gift to the Lord God Almighty, who can do anything, then surely He can find someone for you that will exalt your walk in Him, not detract from it.
A man is to lead his house and his family, and a wife is to respect and love her husband. We are also told not to enter into marriage lightly.
You do not come across haughty at all my Sister, and I think she was making a generalization, which can be very true for some people. Mostly I think such people are more hung up on perfection in looks or the way someone dresses or whether they drink Folgers or Starbucks. You do not come across to me as someone who thinks she is better than other people at all. I do in fact agree with you though, for often smart women settle for bad boys or men that are not in keeping with the standards you hold high, thinking that this is the best they can do, or that maybe their walk is to improve this person somehow. That is really a mistake.
I think it is right to wait upon the Lord for a Godly man that you can respect that will lead your house in a manner the Lord would want for you. I truly believe the Lord does not desire us to suffer under ungodly men that lead our homes astray, and fight our walk in Him. A bad judgment in marriage will often lead to this very thing.
So I agree, hold high the banner of your faith, for the Lord will bless you for it as you wait upon Him and prove yourself faithful to Him. In the mean time, let God BE God, for its His job to orchestrate such details, and you be who you are in Him, and walk in His light, and do His work, for in doing His work, there is where you are most likely to meet that Godly man.
Short answer: No, you're standards aren't too high. Keep them that way.
Longer answer: I think everyone is going to have their particular preferences and "non-negotiables". Mine aren't quite as hard and fast. (worldly music, for example. I'm not exactly sure how to quantify that as I'm not sure if you mean "all Christian music, all the time" or some other standard. I fall more into a standard of, "Does it objectify women, does it swear every other word, etc")
The short cliff notes version of my "standards" list is:
- Must be a Christian (a real one, not the Sunday Christians.)
- Must be able to put up with a complete and total nerd and not get annoyed by deep questions. (By deep meaning topics along the line of theology. (Apostolic Leadership/Succession, Martin Luther and his contributions to Protestantism, the Catholic Bible vs. Protestant Bible, etc. And my answers and thoughts on these topics might surprise you.) I'm also into silly fan verse discussions. i.e. What if Harry Potter chose to go into the House of Slytherin.) Yes, I'm sorry, I like to think and I like to use my brain. I don't watch a lot of TV, partially because I'm too busy reading something on the internet, participating in forums or in some other way using my brain. I need that stimulation. I would argue that our culture is anti-intellectual and I'm an intellectual person.
- Must not judge my worth based on my paycheck.
- Must be willing to deal with an introvert. (Yeah, I'm good at faking extrovert, but that's not how this one is wired. And no, I am NOT a morning person.)
In other words, I want someone intelligent and capable of intelligent discourse. You'd think that be easier to find, but frankly... it isn't. That doesn't mean my standards change. I know relationships aren't things you have, they are things you work at. But that doesn't mean I'm going to just settle. That's a disservice to the girl and will probably end up in a divorce and I'm not dragging either one of us through that.
