I was approached by a man on another dating site. He professes to be a Christian, and was even considering becoming a minister at one point in his life.
After chatting and exchanging emails for a bit, we decided to meet for lunch at a public place since we live in neighboring towns. He was very charming, and made it very clear off the bat that he was looking for a LTR. His profile said he was "divorced" so I asked him about that. He replied that he had been separated for 4 years and the divorce would be final in about 6 weeks. I asked him why he listed himself as divorced...and he insisted he was!
"We haven't been together for 4 years, " he said, "we just haven't been to court yet."
"Which means that technically you're still married." I stated. He proceeded to argue with me about that and I decided to just let it lie. I was not happy that I was on a "date" with a married man, but I decided to just be gracious and part after the meal amicably. He had different ideas about that.
During the course of our conversation about his upcoming divorce, he mentioned that he hadn't slept with anyone for "almost 18 months." I think I was supposed to be impressed with his self-control but wasn't.
Then...again, while he was talking about himself, he used the phrase, "one of my divorces..." . Now...being a teacher I have a tendency to pay attention to "red flags" (as if there hadn't already been enough of them...but now I was kind of intrigued by disbelief). I asked, "How many divorces have you had?" He said..."I'll tell you that later." I replied, "Now is as good a time as any."
"Well," he said, " this is my 7th divorce."
"Seven," I asked, thinking I had heard wrong.
"Yes," he said, very meekly (not!), "seven. That's why I'm looking for a Christian woman this time."
I am not often speechless...but for a few seconds I actually was, and a good thing too... because he continued..."This time I'm not going to get married until I live with her for a while. Three of my marriages we didn't live together before and 4 times we did. I'm gonna be more careful this time."
There was more...but in short I told him I was not the "girl" for him, that I had no intention of living, sleeping, or being intimate with him or anyone else before I was married to them. He replied by telling me I was unreasonable and it was ridiculous of me to expect any man to marry me without "trying the shoe on first". (This part of the conversation took place in the parking lot). When I would not back down...he turned and walked away...we both got into our vehicles and went our separate ways.
You'ld think that would be the end of that. Later that night he called and said he had thought about it and it would be ok if we just shared a bed but didn't have sex. Anyway...that conversation ended by his telling me that my problem was that I was "Baptist" and that anyone who thought the Trinity made sense needed to read their bible and get real. "The trinity isn't anywhere in the Bible...check it out" he said. I told him I had no interest in anyone who was going to tear down my beliefs just because I wouldn't go along with what they wanted...and that he was acting like a petulant child who didn't get what he wanted. We hung up.
About a month later I got a message from him..."What are you doing this weekend? You wanna go out." I said,"no."
and blocked him from contacting me again on that site.
Perhaps I should have gotten up from the table at the very first "red flag" and just left. I thought that would be rude...I still second guess myself on that. I was sadly reminded that many will say in that day..."Lord, Lord, didn't we..." and will hear in response..."I never knew you...Depart from me..."
Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world. James 1:27 KJV
Girl, that could have been on my nightmare blind date forum! Wow, it would be funny if it wasn't so tragic.
Yeah, I found that out shortly after entering the internet dating arena that Christian have different meanings to different folk.
I wouldn't second guess myself. That's you attempting to take some responsibility for what transpired. You were gracious and kind, which is more than many would do. Including me. :devil:
You have gained wisdom from your experience and learned and that is the most important thing. In addition to that, you stood your ground on God's Word! I know He got glory from that and was very proud. You go girl! :rocknroll:
Hey! Thanks! Sometimes I look back and laugh about it...then feel sad for him...but more so for the 7 women he married. Wow....what a terrible ride they must have had with him.
Anyway...I appreciate your reply. God Bless You, Sister. Take Care.
Wow !!! I had a similar situation happen ta me once a long while ago...sounds like the same guy...lol..Anywho so glad ya saw an acted accordinly...You dear Lady Passed the Test...Yippy..!!!!...:yay:...xo
Unbelieveable that people actually manage to tear this out of their throat...
Here in Brazil, the women have a saying for the type of men you describe: Please, anyone, put on the light, we have some one completely in the dark here...!!
