First of all - I know and believe that everything is according to God's timetable....
with regards to being single for a long period of time after divorce or loss of spouse, I'm wondering if others here think that thiis can be somewhat of a downfall at times because you become too independant or set in your ways...
OR
it's a valuable time to pursue new things or getting to know yourself again and working on yourself for an even "better" you for the next person (if God has that in store for you)....or simply a time for getting to know the Lord in a more powerful way....
Whether it is widowhood or divorce...it's still the death of a relationship, of hopes, and dreams. It sends you into a spiral.
It takes time to rebuild yourself and learn to be single again. It takes time to morn this great loss. A time that needs to be spent healing and growing as an individual.
I really can't put a time table on it all. For me personally, it is a time to get closer to God and remember it is his will be done and not mine.
When I am ready and God will know when that time is..then I will meet someone to share my life with
You have to take time to process, pray, and learn. The time that takes is different for each person and also each relationship. But it is necessary. Take too long..... for whatever reason..... and it could be a detriment. Just keep praying and follow God's leading.
I guess the time factor is different for each individual case.
There are many things to consider - yourself/emotions, children and their ages...rushing into something or leaving it too long - prayer is always the main point in any situation.
Looking back to my childhood, I was brought up by a single dad and longed for a "Mother" figure (which didn't happen as my dad never remarried while he had kids at home)..but then that is from a kids point of view...I guess my dad didn't have time for dating as he was busy bringing up a brood of kids...
How would taking time to process your feeling, your emotions, the relationship as a whole, and healing from the hurt cause your next relationship to fail?
Oshen, I understand where you are coming from on the wanting a mother figure issue.
I was raised by my mother; my father passed away when I was 12. For the first several years, I really didn't want my mom to remarry. I missed my dad so much that I was just sure that no one could possibly take his place and be a real father to me, or even an acceptable father figure...I'd already had a wonderful father in my life. At some point, though, I started to think differently about that. Perhaps it was because I was getting older and was my own person, but I realized that if my mom remarried, the man wouldn't necessarily have to be a father to me, but he could be a wonderful husband and companion to my mother.
My father has been dead for nearly 15 years; my mom still hasn't remarried. She said that it took her 28 years to find my dad, and she doesn't expect to find another man that wonderful ever again. She has never even dated anyone in the past 15 years. The older she gets, the more I wish God would bring another man into her life. I think she has waited long enough between relationships.
As for relationships in general, I think that it really depends on how serious the relationship was to begin with. A failed marriage might require more healing time than a broken engagement. A broken engagement would need more time than a short dating relationship. Even within just dating relationships, it could vary depending on the seriousness of the relationship, the expectations of the people involved, and and length of time they dated.
I think the position of being a widow/widower is a whole different ball game than being divorced...that's my opinion.
I can understand the aspect of the surviving spouse not wanting to remarry in a hurry. I could imagine that there would be feelings of not wanting to "forget" the deceased partner or dishonoring their memory or even feeling guilty about dating again...
It really is difficult and is a personal decision, something that has to feel right - despite what others think..
