ok so my best friend is a guy and he has been for like 5 years or something like that. he knows everything about me and we are really close. he is like a brother to me...this was a problem with the last guy that i dated had a problem with it and i really didnt understand why...it really bugged me because i took it as him not trusting me...was i wrong to think that and what would you trust your other half if they had a guy as a best friend???
well thats a 21/21 question: first your guy friend should have been a little more sensative and know how to make the guy you were dating feel comfortable: as a guy you have to know how to operate: now thats an answer in the flesh: now lets talk as a child of the most high GOD: the guy you were dating should have take it to the LORD in prayer and wait and see what the LORD was saying about the situation: don't we have dicerment?
I think this is a common problem, i've run into it before. For the longest time my best friend was a girl and her boyfriend didn't like it one bit as he was a jealous type. But I don't think it's so much a trust thing than it is a jealous thing which I can completely understand. If you find your boyfriend/girlfriend spending quite a bit of time with a person of their opposite gender I think it's only human to be jealous. Now, as Christians we're to be called above that...but I didn't notice if you mentioned your previous boyfriend was Christian or not.
my x boyfriend was a Christian and maybe you are right about the jealousy thing...i don't think that it would have bugged as much as it did if my x would have taken more time to get to know my best friend and hung out with everyone together so that he could see that there is nothing going on between us.
i totally agree that once i get married or at least find someone that i want to marry and i am in a relationship that is going down the path of marriage that my other half would be my best friend...i was once told that one way to know you are ready for marriage is when your other half knows more about you and you know more about them then your best friend because they are now your best friend...but that kind of relationship does take a long time to build, its not an overnight thing...i guess the thing that i am having a hard time dealing with is that my best friend now is a guy and we are really close and if anything more was going to happen it would have happened already...i think of him like a brother and thats how we act like brother and sister so i don't really get whats wrong...anyway thats my thoughts on it :D
I wasn't trying to imply that having a same gender friend
to share laughter, smiles, and intimate thoughts with is
a bad thing, a sin if you will. Typically, it's not reccomended because of the underlying sexual tension that can occur if one's flesh is not under the control of the Holy Spirit. I'm glad you have a genuine friend.
I think many guys are more prone in struggling with seperating a sincere, sister like friendship with a female
from wanting to experience something more, especially
if there is the slighest bit of attraction. I say this from
personal experience from dating women and having
sexual relationships in my pre-Christ days. Of course now,
that is a big bounday that I don't tread, but yet I still
have much attraction for women. That will never change,
and I know when I meet my wife, I'll be totally anomored
by all of her and will do my best to love in every way as Christ loves all of us.
Being a Christian doesn't mean we shut off our feelings,
if anything our faith brings us deeper into our hearts
and souls as we connect more deeply with God and walk
more obediently with Him.
What are his intentions towards you?
Do you completely understand how he feels about you?
Is he being emotionally honest?
Is he presently involved in a relationship?
Or seeking a girlfriend apart from you?
I presume you think of him as a brother because I take it there is no sexual appeal/attraction when you think of him, see him, and spend time with him. Well, at least you know without a doubt where you stand. I commend you for that! It's probably easier for women to do so.
Can your friend say the same thing about you?
When I first became a Christian I met a guy through
a church I was visiting, and we became buddies for a season.
He was a virign in search of His wife with little dating experience and knowledge of women. However, he had
a very close female friend who was just that..a great friend,
but then a couple years I discovered they became married.
Happy ending. I was sincerely glad for him as he truly felt
like he was with his Divinely appointed wife, but I never suspected anything like that happening when I spent time
with both of them prior to that. Interesting, I will say.
A marriage relationship will have certain boundaries that
will need to be respected and commited to. Relationships
are hard enough as they are without external factors
making them even more so. If my future wife was not entirely
comfortable with me spending time with another female, then I would not set out to do so as to create tension and problems for our bond of love.
If a new man is interested in you for long term marriage, he might just be expecting to be your best friend and all you will ever need in life. You having a closer bond with another guy may only hurt any current or future relationships that are motivated towards courtship and marriage.
Perhaps it is jealousy on someones end, but if new guys believe you will never stand by their side and their side alone and need another man to complete you it will probably sway their decision to get too close to you.
Jealousy isn't right or healthy, but then again I've met women who have a ton of close guy friends and don't really have room for the good guy, or a need for him. These same women have very few or absolutely no strong female christian friends for some odd reason.
The real question is, why would you date someone that you don't consider a friend? If you are doing that, you are still living in the world (lust of the flesh).
Any relationship built on that will never succeed, because the flesh is never satisfied. It always wants more or different, and that is the path to destruction.
I guess what I am trying to say is that friendship doesn't take much work, just trust. And shouldn't that be the first thing you develop? Even before a relationship, or date?
To me, if you would rather be with another man, regardless of the reason, that speaks volumes about the way you feel about me. If you are that good of friends, maybe you should consider a relationship with him, it probably has a lot better chance of working out.
