Will bitterness and unforgiveness ever leave my oldest Daughter's heart towards me?
Posted : 31 May, 2016 08:16 AM
For those asking:
"Why am I depressed?"
This is the path you are on. (Based in part on lectures by Dr. Paul Meier of the Meier Clinics.)
1. Unmet Expectations- reasonable or unreasonable(false)?
2. Anger- over unmet expectations
3. Bitterness- due to unresolved anger
4. Mildly (acute) Depressed State- as a result of unresolved bitterness
5. Long Term (chronic) Depression- as a result of unresolved acute
depression
6. Chemical Imbalances - in the body, particularly the brain, a result of
depletion of the body's resources (and in particular, serotonin) over a
long period of depression.
If and when you are ready to answer the hard questions, you must ask, "What unmet expectations, reasonable or unreasonable, are at the root of my unresolved anger, bitterness, and depression?"
For instance: If I have an expectation that God will not lie to me, that is a reasonable expectation. If however, I have an expectation that I will be the richest, most beautiful, and smartest person, to ever walk the face of the earth; (not to mention the most humble); that is an unreasonable/false expectation. If I have an expectation that God will answer all of my prayers instantly, in the way I want them to be answered, that also is a false expectation. If I then become mad/angry because that false expectation is not met, then it is my unreasonableness that is giving rise to my own depression, because my thinking about what I am entitled to in life is way off base.
What is the source of your anger? Is it a selfish anger or a righteous anger? Let me add a couple more examples. God, why aren't my parents rich Christian parents who always worked hard and provided for my needs? Or, God, why did he/she reject me? Doesn't he/she know he/she is supposed to be mine/I am the catch of the millennium?
Have you confronted the person with whom you have an issue that has given rise to anger or bitterness in a constructive manner?
Maybe you are one of those that have some false expectation that you should be perfect, get angry that you are not, and when you see yourself fail, you usurp God's authority to determine who is worthy of forgiveness, and deny forgiveness to yourself. Maybe you think your spouse should be perfect, when you aren't. Maybe you, by your actions, tell God He got it wrong by deciding you and your spouse are worthy of forgiveness, and you refuse to forgive yourself and/or your spouse, even though God has forgiven both of you. Some very wise person asked me one time: "Who are you to not forgive yourself when God has forgiven you?" That is the ultimate in pride. Man did that one smart.
There are many many things about which we can get angry if we choose to spend all of our time being angry. In his book, Dr. Paul Meier said, "Happiness Is A Choice". But if anger is what you choose, don't turn it around and blame it on God, especially if you are simply reaping the results of your choices. Hard words for sure, but truth doesn't always come with a ribbon and a bow, complete with added feel good.
In addition, it is important to keep in mind, you really don't want life to be fair. Really? Why not?, you may ask. Because if you got what you deserved, and everyone else got what they deserved, we would ALL be in hell. But life is designed to give us far better than fair. It is designed to give us blessings much greater than what we have earned. So the next time you think you're getting cheated, and think someone else is getting off easy, think about how it would be if everyone got what they deserved. Truthfully, if the worst thing that happened to you today was to be disrespected by your spouse or your boss, or you suffered some financial setback, you are still getting much better than fair. You still didn't have to go to hell. So, do you really want to continue complaining to God about not being treated fairly? Or would you like to start being thankful for all the things better than fair you receive on a daily basis?
Let me add, this is all, if the shoe fits material.....However, if the shoe doesn't fit, don't give any of this a second thought, this isn't for you. If the shoe does fit, and you acknowledge the depravity of your own sin, it will be easier to forgive others and yourself. Matthew 18:21-23. Don't try to change the standard and say sin isn't sin. Don't say you made a "mistake" when you chose to sin. Call it what it is/was, a choice to sin. Simply confess your sin as sin, actually ask for forgiveness, and move on. Keep in mind, a proper confession involves admitting specific wrongs done, accepting full responsibility, asking the person to forgive you, saying and meaning you will not do it again, and asking the individual how you can make it right. Do not give an insincere promise, nor ask how to make it right if you are not going to follow through, nor expect to receive forgiveness if you are unwilling to forgive others or yourself. Matt. 6:14,15.
What if I need to make things right with someone, and don't know how?
A proper confession of sin and request for forgiveness involves at least these things.
1. Apologize for the harm you have done.
2. Express that you are sorry you sinned against God and harmed someone(s), not just sorry that you got caught. (Don't fake it. If you do, you will only make it worse.)
3. Ask the person you have wronged what you can to do make it right.
4. Ask the person, Will you please forgive me? (Saying sorry isn't good enough, nor is ordering someone to: "Please forgive me." )
5. Make it right with the person by doing as they ask, so long as what they ask is not immoral, and appropriate to the situation.
Keep in mind, that you will never be able to undo the damage done, but you should do all you can do minimize the damage and express sincere regret for the harm done. It will take time to earn back a person's trust, so don't be surprised if it takes them a while to believe you are sincere. � 2015
"Walk prudently when you go to the house of God; and draw near to hear rather than to give the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they do evil. Do not be rash with your mouth, and let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. For God is in heaven, and you on earth; therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes through much activity, and a fool�s voice is known by his many words. When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it; for He has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you have vowed� Better not to vow than to vow and not pay. Do not let your mouth cause your flesh to sin, nor say before the messenger of God that it was an error. Why should God be angry at your excuse AND DESTROY THE WORK OF YOUR HANDS? For in the multitude of dreams and many words there is also vanity. But you fear God." Ecclesiastes 5:1-7
Before you consider optional items, they have to meet the required by God qualifications.
1. Must be a Christian. 1 Corinthians 7:39; 2 Corinthians 6:14-18
2. Marriage to the individual cannot cause the person to enter into a sinful relationship, or to violate a specific command by marrying the person.
Mark 10:11-12 �Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.� (no exceptions- written to the Romans);
Luke 16:18 �Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery." (no exceptions- written to the Greeks);
1 Corinthians 7:10-11 "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife." God commands that the individuals do nothing to impede reconciliation, which requires the active participation of both parties.
1 Corinthians 7:39 "A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but IF HER husband DIES, (THEN, and only then) she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord."
Romans 7:1-4 "Or do you not know, brethren (for I speak to those who know the law), that the law has dominion over a man as long as he lives? For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then IF, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she WILL be called an adulteress; BUT IF her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man."
*Matthew 19:6-11 (in addition to the limitations below, that is why the big AND is included; no matter what, anyone who marries the woman put away in the Matthew 19 scenario commits adultery.
3. Jesus repudiates Moses as an authority on divorce, and all of the reasons based upon what Moses said as a basis for divorce. Jesus notes that the one legitimate reason for divorce occurs before consummation of the marriage, and it only exists in the Jewish culture. *see below. Mark 10:2-12; *Matthew 19:3-12.
4. Given the prohibitions of the verses in points 2 and 3, both person to be married must be in the never been married or widow/widower category.
*The Matthew 19 exception is only available to Jews who observe the year long betrothal period without consummating the marriage, where one is found to have committed sexual sin prior to the consummation of the marriage, AND was divorced for that reason, and ONLY when divorced for that reason. This is the Joseph and Mary situation. They had not consummated the marriage, when Mary was found pregnant with Jesus. Under the law, it was the only time a Jew could divorce his wife, marry another, and not commit adultery. In all other situations, if the husband divorced his wife for any other reason, and married another, he would have been guilty of adultery.
So if you are Jewish, and your betrothed messes around prior to the final ceremony and and consummation of the marriage; and she commits porneia, then you can divorce her, marry another, you do not commit moxitai. You may now do as the disciples did when speaking to Jesus in Matthew 19 and FREAK OUT.
After this first hurdle is conquered, then it's time to consider which color for the shades. Until then, it's not worth the time to discuss it.
No, I am looking at the very words of Jesus Christ and trusting Him that He knows better than anyone else. John Calvin did not author these words of Almighty God in the flesh, and I didn't refer to anything John Calvin said. I quoted Almighty God.
"He that believes is not condemned, but he that does not believe is condemned already because he has not believed ... ." He, the one which Jesus says "has not believed" and "is condemned already", has never placed his faith in the correct object of faith.
not ( me with an accent over the e in the Greek, pronounced may, biblehub.com/greek/3361.htm ) commonly translated as never in some versions.
Belief in Christ results in the new birth. We are born of the Spirit by the will of God. John 1 This is an actual event in time, and is a one time for all time BIRTH. It is a spiritual birth. It is not something that happens over and over and over again. God's seed is incorruptible 1 Peter1. We are sealed with the Holy Spirit, permanently bonded with the Holy Spirit of God. God's Spirit in us does not die or leave, and come back later again. Romans 8; 1 Corinthians chapters 2,3,6; 2 Corninthians 1,5; Galatians 3,5; Ephesians, 1 Peter 1, I could go on. And notice in Galatians 5, that you can live in the Spirit, but not walk in the Spirit, i.e. be in sin; but you are still in the Spirit. The new man cannot sin, but the flesh, triggered by its lust, can. That is why we are instructed to "consider" to treat as if, the old man is dead. Romans 6:11
The meaning of the text in John 3:18 is that the person has not previously done a thing, the thing being believing in Christ. This is conveying the truth of it being a thing that has never occurred in the past right up until now; and therefore, unless he repents (changes his mind-metanoia, metaneao) and believes, he will remain condemned.
Salvation is a 3 part process, with part one being forever settled upon belief. The Christian has already been saved from the eternal penalty of sin, eternal death. The Holy Spirit gives us power to overcome sin in every situation: "there is no temptation taken me, but such as is common to man, but God, with EVERY temptation, will provide a way of escape, that I may be able to bear it." See also Romans 6:18 "Being then made free from sin...". Anybody who says different is calling God a liar. When a Christian sins, it is by choice, not because they have no ability to not sin. The Holy Spirit has given us the ability to not sin in EVERY situation. We do it because we are selfish, self centered crybabies, not because of lack of ability.
In the future we will be saved from the presence of sin, after the execution of the last judgment of God and those under judgment are forever banished to the lake of fire. But make no mistake, we are already, as a practical matter, saved from the eternal penalty of sin, and the power of sin over us in our decision making. The sin of other can negatively impact us, but we don't have to yield to sin in our lives.
To any who think they can send a part of their being away, i.e., that which is born of the Spirit of God, I would say, (if it wasn't such an evil thought to believe that one could do such a thing), Let me get some popcorn. This is going to be entertaining to watch. The Holy Spirit ain't goin' nowhere. But it is serious, a lie straight from the mouth of the evil one. A Christian cannot break the seal of the Holy Spirit. If you think so, you haven't understood the book of the Revelation, nor the passages where it talks about having the authority to break God's seals. Revelation chapter 5ff It is the height of arrogance to think you have the power to break the seal of God.
The new birth is a real event in time. It isn't some esoteric truth to be understood by a wee portion of Christians. Every Christian should learn and fully grasp these issues.
Being single is great, according to Paul. It always you to stay focused on the Lord, undistracted by marital obligations. Being divorced with children is always bad, but not always the worst; i.e. when you have an abusive spouse who refuses the instruction of the Lord. Sometimes you have to separate for your physical safety and the safety of the children. Sometimes you are physically abandoned. It would be better if the spouse came to their senses and met their responsibilities in the marriage. But God's goal for the divorced is always reconciliation. He is the one who ordained marriage to last until death, and says to stay divorced or reconcile/remarry the spouse. I know a couple who married each other 3 times. It finally stuck. 1 Corinthians 7:10-11. That is why He prohibits marriage to another in these verses. If you have been married, and are no longer, you are a widow(er) or divorced. Single = never been married. Please don't lie against the Holy Ghost, and add trouble to your woes. Don't call a bad thing good. Like the prophet said, "Woe unto them who call evil good, and good evil." 1 Peter 3 gives instruction for how to respond to the husband who obeys not the word of the Lord and how to dwell with the wife. Again, this is not a suggestion that you submit to beatings. If that happens, call the police and the pastor in that order. Get safe. But don't think you have a better way to respond than what God is saying is the right way to respond.
�Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel, every one according to his ways,� says the Lord God.
�Repent, AND turn
from all your transgressions, so that iniquity will not be your ruin. Ezekiel 18:30 Is this a command to do two different things, or, the same command repeated?
�Therefore say to the house of Israel, �Thus says the Lord God: �Repent, turn away
from your idols, AND turn your faces away
from all your abominations. Ezekiel 14:6 Is this a command to do two different things, three different things or, the same command repeated multiple times?
To which of the 9 Hebrew and Greek words which are all lumped into the one English word repent, are you referring when you say we must repent? Do you understand the differences in meaning of the different words, and are you sure you are properly using/conveying the correct meaning of the words on the correct subject matter with the use of the word repent? And seeing how there are so many meanings, and indeed, some which have nothing to do with the others, isn't it better to dispense with that unclear word, and be more precise? For a better understanding of the many meanings of the word repent, and the correct use of the word, there is a book called "All About Repentance" by Dr. Richard Seymour.
So let's cut to the chase. Here is everything else you need to know about salvation John 3:16-18 (We've already covered the fact the Christ is the Word who was God and is God in John 1)
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. �He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not (has never) believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God."
There are no used to be Christians according to Jesus Christ in John 3:18. If you are not one now, you could not have been one before. 1 John 2 sheds light on it, saying that the fakes left off with the charade because "they were not of us". Believing God, not knowing facts about God, but trusting Him, that the things He tells us are true. It's a reliance upon the truth that God has asserted. That's what it means to believe on, which is different than to believe about. I believe Jesus when He says the defining issue in salvation is believing Him. He said it, that settles it. With or without my, or anyone else's approval.
Does a separated not yet annuled (since divorce is not allowed in Philippines) can be considered as single parent?
Posted : 25 May, 2016 10:15 PM
Nothing said by man will ever overrule what Almighty God has said in His holy word.
God is crystal clear.
"My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment." JAMES 3:1
THE MYTH OF THE 3 PERMISSIONS
The first thing you must decide in your heart is, Does God lie? Will He tell you one thing in one place, and contradict what He says in the one place, by saying something opposing to it in another? Obviously, God does not lie, and every word He gives us, every command, is an expression of His love to protect us from harm we cannot fully see or understand. When He says you shall not _____________ (fill in the blank), it is because it is an unholy thing, it is harmful to the person who does it, harmful to those around the person who does it, and God in His love, is trying to protect everyone from that harm. God�s ten commandments are God's Ten Loving Blessings To Keep Us From Harm. The next thing we need to understand is that there are different target audiences in the various writings of scriptures. We need to make sure we know what constitutes the target audience, and the purpose(s) for God sending them the message He sent in the way He sent it.
What Is The Correct Way To Approach Interpretation of God's Word?
When it comes to interpretation of a verse or a passage, one must ALWAYS read the bible so that it never contradicts itself. We cannot interpret a verse or passage with multiple possible meanings so as to cause it to be in direct conflict with another which has only one possible meaning. LUKE 16:18 can only be read one way, without any exceptions. Where one verse (such as LUKE 16:18), or passage is clear and unambiguous, and another can be interpreted multiple ways, we MUST exclude any reading or interpretation of the verse or passage which causes it to be in conflict with other passages which can only be read one way. Any interpretation which causes the verses or passages to come in conflict is an illegitimate interpretation.
Also, we have to understand the culture of the target audience. Matthew was written to the Jews who had this special year long betrothal period, where the husband and his bride were considered married, but they did not consummate the marriage until the year had passed. This year long betrothal period must be taken into account when comparing statements about divorce and remarriage from Matthew with scripture directed at different cultures. To fail to note the differences in the cultures and their marriage rituals is fatal to a correct understanding of God's word and His intentions with regard to this particular subject matter. Mark was written to the Romans, who had no betrothal period. Luke was written to the Greeks, who also had no betrothal period. What is said in Matthew does not contradict what is said in Mark or Luke, nor does it modify either of them in any way. Any reading of the Matthew passages must be consistent with the reading of the crystal clear statements in Mark and Luke.
The verse in Luke 16 stands alone. Different topics are on both sides of this verse. It is not contradicted by any other verse in the bible, or God would have to contradict Himself, and be a liar. But we know that God does not lie. If there were exceptions available to the Greeks and God did not say them there, then God would be misleading people, and therefore God would be lying. However, there are no exceptions available there, once the marriage is consummated in the Roman and Greek cultures. If anyone divorces and marries another, they commit adultery, so says God to the Greeks and the Romans. If your spouse divorces you, and someone marries you, that person commits adultery, and therefore you commit adultery. By stating this truth under slightly different scenarios to the various people groups represented in the different gospels of the scripture, God covered all of the possible ways to express the relationships in a divorce and remarry.
LUKE 16:18
�Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery." (NO EXCEPTION) This is the most succinct statement on the issue of remarriage following divorce in all of scripture. This verse stands alone in the chapter. It is concise, and it is unambiguous. Whatever you read any place else in scripture must be read to be consistent with this no exceptions statement. There are no exceptions and no one, to the best of my knowledge, has ever come forward to challenge the validity of this stand alone verse. That is to say, I've never heard anyone suggest this verse is not part of the original text.
MARK 10:2-12
"The Pharisees came and asked Him, �Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?� testing Him. And He answered and said to them, �What did Moses command you?� They said, �Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.� And Jesus answered and said to them, �Because of the hardness of your heart (SIN) he wrote you this precept. BUT from the beginning of the creation, God �made them male and female.� �For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh�; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.�" (To paraphrase Jesus: NOT! You folks got it all wrong. Ain't what Dad said, (Who is Moses to overrule Father?) And ain�t what Dad intended either. So just stop it!) In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. So He said to them, �Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.�" (no exception) Let me throw some light on the disciples reaction from Matthew 19 which is not mentioned in Mark.
MATTHEW 19:10-12
�His disciples said to Him, �If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.� But He said to them, �All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother�s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven�s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.�� They FREAKED OUT, and said, whoa, if you can�t get a divorce, nobody get married cause you're locked in for life. And Jesus said, well, yeah, but very few will get it. Again, between the statements in two passages, Luke 16, and Mark 10; it says that whether you are the person who asked for the divorce, or the one against whom it was obtained, if anyone marries a divorced person, in either case, they commit adultery. Now, is Almighty God lying here in these two passages, or has He told the truth? Because if the exceptions you think there are, are there, but God has not disclosed them to the Greeks and the Romans, then He has misrepresented the whole truth to them, because He has willfully made it appear that there are no exceptions, (if what you say is true), and God is found to be a liar. What is said in Matthew 19 mirrors what is said in Mark 10, with the inclusion of the exception clause which was written to the Jews, because of their unique marriage rituals. I will address Matthew 19 further towards the end.
What does God require of the person who obtains a divorce?
1 CORINTHIANS 7:10-11 NKJV
"Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife."
1. According to these two verses, 1 CORINTHIANS 7:10-11, does it matter why a woman departs from her husband? yes no
2. Does the command in these two verses, to remain alone or be reconciled, apply to men as well as women? yes no
3. Are there any exceptions to the command to stay unmarried or be reconciled contained WITHIN these two verses? yes no
4. If God expects the one who went after the divorce to stay alone or be reconciled, what does this mean for the person who is left by the one who departs?
4. (a) In these two verses, are the ones who are left, whose spouse departed from them, also supposed to look towards reconciliation or remain unmarried? yes no
5. Within these two verses alone, is there an absolute prohibition against the one who obtains the divorce from marrying another person while their husband/wife remains alive? yes no
6. Does God ever contradict Himself, by saying one thing in one place, and something contradictory somewhere else? yes no
7. Does the Holy Spirit lead people to contradict a command in the holy bible? yes no
7. (a) If someone is being lead to do something which violates a command of the holy scripture, are they being lead by the Holy Spirit; that is to say, is it the Holy Spirit who is leading them to violate that command? yes no
8. Does "the truth" set you free (JOHN 8:31), or is it just a tool of mean spirited people who want to spoil your fun?
9. Have you ever told someone they shouldn't do something wrong before they did it, because you knew from God's word that He didn't approve of such conduct? yes no
10. If yes, were you sinning or just being mean spirited just because you gave them a warning to obey God and His word? yes no
11. For those who have children, when you set boundaries, and tell them they can't do certain things; do you set those boundaries because you hate them and want to hurt them; because you love them and want to protect them from harm they do not fully understand, or for some other reason?
12. Has God changed His mind about the commands in these two verses because we live in a different culture? yes no
13. Is there any expiration date on the command to remain unmarried or reconcile with your spouse? yes no
14. How does ECCLESIASTES 5:1-7 inform your understanding of what God requires of someone who is intending to get married, as it relates to 1 CORINTHIANS 7:10-11?
"Walk prudently when you go to the house of God; and draw near to hear rather than to give the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they do evil. Do not be rash with your mouth, And let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. For God is in heaven, and you on earth; Therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes through much activity, And a fool�s voice is known by his many words. When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it; For He has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you have vowed�Better not to vow than to vow and not pay. Do not let your mouth cause your flesh to sin, nor say before the messenger of God that it was an error. Why should God be angry at your excuse and destroy the work of your hands? For in the multitude of dreams and many words there is also vanity. But you fear God."
1 CORINTHIANS 7:10-11 - "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife." Even after a divorce, God still identifies the man as �HER HUSBAND�, which makes her still HIS WIFE.
EXODUS 20:17 �you shall not covet your neighbor�s wife (husband)�.
Can we agree that Almighty God has given a crystal clear, no way to read it any other way command that if you are the one who goes to court and gets a divorce, you are only allowed by God, two options?
Option A Stay unmarried.
Option B Reconcile/remarry your husband/wife.
And can we agree that this is not just a command for women, but it is also intended for men? Now logically, if God intends that the person who obtains a divorce should remain open and available to remarriage to their ex, doesn't it necessitate that the one put away also remain available for remarriage to the ex? Or is God going to say to one, hold yourself available for remarriage, but to the other say, you go run along and do whatever you want? Is that the nature
of God, to give conflicting direction to people? And where is there an exception to this statement in this passage? Where does it say that the person put away doesn't need to stay available for remarriage? Such a concept would have to be read that into the text, because it is not stated, and it is inconsistent with the main intent of the two verses, that there be reconciliation; preferably before a divorce, but if not, after the divorce. In case anyone has a problem with my use of the word command in the age of grace, New Testament era, allow me to share with you from 1 JOHN 2.
"My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the whole world. Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, �I know Him,� and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked." If one reads the full chapter, and indeed, the whole of 1 John, it is without dispute that the New Testament confirms that new commands were given for the age of grace, and old commands were reiterated for us to follow.
God's Tolerance of Divorce is NOT the same thing as Permission to Marry Another. The 1 CORINTHIANS 7:10-11 command stands without exception, without an expiration date, and regardless of the reason for a divorce. See also LUKE 16:18, and MARK 10:1-12.
THE MYTH OF PERMISSION GIVEN TO MARRY SOMEONE OTHER THAN THE EX, BASED UPON THE 3 EXCEPTIONS
The issues in the various texts, are the marked distinction between fornication/sexual immorality and marital adultery; the relationship of the various parties, i.e. the one who obtained the divorce, the one against whom the divorce was obtained, or a third party; and the timing involved. This was the situation Joseph contemplated with regard to Mary. MATTHEW 1:18-21 They had been betrothed, and were considered husband and wife, but the consummation of the marriage had not occurred, and would not occur until, as it says in MATTHEW 1:24-25, after Jesus was born.
MATTHEW 1:24-25.
�Then Joseph, being aroused from sleep, did as the angel of the Lord commanded him and took to him his wife, and did not know her till she had brought forth her firstborn Son. And he called His name Jesus.�
The Jews, and only the Jews, (with regard to the target audiences of the 3 gospels, Matthew, Mark and Luke); had a betrothal period of 1 year, where the couple was considered married, but the marriage was not consummated. If the woman was found to have committed PORNEIA and the husband divorced her, he was not causing her to commit MOXITAI. If she had not committed PORNEIA and the husband divorced her, he would be causing her to commit MOXITAi because the divorce would have been illegitimate, and they would still be bound together in the eyes of God.
MYTH #1
MATTHEW 5:31-32 Because Moses commanded people to document the divorce. there is an exception available which allows you to remarry after divorce without committing adultery. WRONG!
�Furthermore it has been said,
�Whoever divorces his wife,
let him give her a certificate of divorce.�
�But I say to you that
whoever divorces his wife FOR ANY REASON EXCEPT sexual immorality PORNEIA
causes her to commit adultery MOXITAI;
AND
whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery MOXITAI."
Let�s restate the exception:
Whoever divorces his wife for PORNEIA - sexual immorality
does not causes her to commit MOXITAI - (marital) adultery;
In all other cases, or if he divorces her for any other reason, he does cause the adultery MOXITAI. The exception doesn�t mean it doesn�t happen, it just indicates whether or not the husband is the cause. The exception addresses the question of what the man causes, and under what circumstances. The exception is the lone reason he does not cause her to commit marital adultery MOXITAI. That is to say, for all other reasons, he causes the wife he puts away to commit adultery. The exception is when she already defiled herself, by committing PORNEIA. Then it is not on him, it is on her. That is the exception. It is a strong warning to the man to not casually put away their wife;, he has the grave responsibility of their wife's sin any time they cause their wife to sin. If he puts her away for any reason other than her sexual sin prior to the time of the consummation of their marriage, he will bear the blame. Nothing in this verse says that a person who is in a marriage which has been consummated can get a divorce, marry another person, and not commit adultery.
From: Blue Letter Bible blueletterbible.org Textus Receptus, Bible Gateway biblegateway.com 1894 Scrivener New Testament
But g1161 de
I g1473 ego
say g3004 lego
to you, g5213 hymin
That g3754 hoti
whoever g3739 hos
g302 an
divorces g630 apolyo
his g846 autos
wife, g1135 gyn�
for any reason g3056 logos
8except g3924 parektos
sexual immorality g4202 porneia sex before consummation of the marriage
causes g4160 poieo
her g846 auten
to commit adultery: g3429 moichao sex outside of marriage, after consummation of the marriage
and g2532 kai
whosoever g3739 hos
g1437 ean
marries g1060 gamese
her that is divorced g630 apolyen
commits adultery. g3429 moichao
MYTH #2
MATTHEW 19:9 teaches that a man can divorce his wife for marital adultery (and other reasons besides sexual immorality), marry another, and not commit adultery. WRONG!
�And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.�
Again, let�s restate it for clarity.
�And I say to you, Whoever divorces his wife, for any reason besides sexual immorality PORNEIA, and marries another, commits adultery MOXITAI.
However, if she had already committed sexual immorality PORNEIA, and he divorced her for that reason, he would not be guilty of committing adultery MOIXITAI if he married another,
AND, (something separate but also true follows)
whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery MOXITAI (NO EXCEPTION).�
Similar to Matthew 5 where the exception there addresses the question of what the man causes related to his wife, in the MATTHEW 19 passage, it is a question of what happens with regard to the man when the man who divorces his wife marries another. In the case where he divorces her without her being guilty of PORNEIA - (sexual immorality/fornication), prior to the consummation of the marriage, he commits adultery. But if she has committed sexual immorality/fornication PORNEIA, and NOT adultery MOXITAI, and she has been put away for that reason, he does not commit adultery MOXITAI if he marries another. The exception is whether or not the man commits marital adultery MOXITAI, and it is based upon whether or not she had committed PORNEIA, AND, whether or not he had put her away for that reason. If he divorces her for any other reason than her having committed PORNEIA and marries another, then he commits MOXITAI - marital adultery. Then his adultery MOXITAI is on him, and it is not on her. That is the exception from Matthew 19. Like Matthew 5, it is a strong warning to men to not casually put away their wife, for they are saddled with the responsibility of their own sin any time they divorce their wife for any reason other than PORNEIA. PORNEIA and MOXITAI are distinctly different words with very different implications and consequences for each action. This is not mere semantics. There is a very real difference, one compared to the other. If the man doesn�t like the way she looks, because she steals, because she set his hair on fire, or any other reason than her PORNEIA prior to the consummation of their marriage, he commits adultery when he divorces her and marries another. And do not lose sight of the fact that this passage also has to be read in such a way as to be in complete agreement with 1 CORINTHIANS 7:10-11, LUKE 16:18, and MARK 10:1-12.
MATTHEW 19:9 Textus Receptus, 1894 Scrivener New Testament
And g1161 de
I say g3004 lego
unto you, g5213 hymin
g3754 hoti
Whosoever g3739 hos
g302 an
shall put away g630 apolyo
his g846 autos
wife, g1135 gyn‘
except g1508 ei m‘
it be for g1909 epi
fornication, g4202 porneia
and g2532 kai
shall marry g1060 game
another, g243 allos
committeth adultery: g3429 moichao
10and g2532 kai
whoso marrieth g1060 gameo
her which g3588 ho
is put away g630 apolyo
doth commit adultery. g3429 moichao
MYTH #3
1 CORINTHIANS 7:15 - When it says God has called someone to peace in this verse, God is giving such individual permission to marry another after they have been put away by an unbelieving spouse, and they won't be committing adultery. WRONG!
"But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace."
Many people use this verse to justify teaching that people can marry another if their unbelieving spouse departs without committing adultery. What they fail to realize, is that later in the same chapter, if you keep reading, you see the subject matter change, and Paul describes what happens when you marry.
1 CORINTHIANS 7:25-28
"Now concerning virgins: I have no commandment from the Lord; yet I give judgment as one whom the Lord in His mercy has made trustworthy. I suppose therefore that this is good because of the present distress�that it is good for a man to remain as he is: Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you."
So it is no longer the believer who was put away by he unbelieving spouse to whom Paul is speaking, but now Paul is talking to virgins, those who have never been married, and he cautions them. When one marries, they get trouble in the flesh. I have never heard of peace being equated to trouble in the flesh anywhere, in any context, outside of this twisted attempt of some to say that God calling a person to peace is a pass to marry a person other than the spouse from which you are divorced. If God was/is granting anyone peace, it didn't/doesn't include new trouble in the flesh. Such a reading of this text, that peace includes permission to marry without committing adultery, flies in the face of the entire body of scripture. The Lord says it is a grave thing to teach wrong doctrine, and I urge you to caution, for if you cause others to stumble because of your wrong teaching, the Lord will require it of you.
"Study to show yourself approved unto God, a workman that does not need to be ashamed, RIGHTLY dividing the word of truth." - Almighty God
THE THREE TAKEAWAYS
1. Do not divorce. MATTHEW 19:6,8
2. If you do divorce, do not marry anyone other than your spouse, unless and until your spouse dies, or remarry your spouse. 1 CORINTHIANS 7:10-11,39 ROMANS 7:2
3. If you marry someone other than your spouse while they are alive, you commit adultery. LUKE 16:18 MARK 10:1-12, MATTHEW 5:32, 19:9
With whomever you choose to seek to enter into a dating/courtship relationship, there must be eligibility for marriage to you as a Christian according to God and His holy word.
"Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? ... Come out from among them And be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, And I will receive you." 2 Corinthians 6
This means no dating, courting, engagement to, or marrying a non-Christian; but there is more.
If you are divorced, my heart goes out to you, and I pray for all of you, that you experience the miracle of healing and restoration of the Holy Spirit in your life. I can only imagine the horror of finding out or realizing that your marriage is in ruins. Yet, the Lord does have a plan for you in this situation. So please bear with me as I explain.
I find this very interesting. Not only did God say it once, He repeated it shortly thereafter. I was told by my professors in bible college that when that happens, God really really means it.
Proverbs 14:12 "There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death."
Proverbs 16:25 "There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death."
It is a horrible thing to endure a divorce, yet God does not want you to go from bad to worse in this situation.
1 Corinthians 7:10-11 - "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife."
First off, notice that this command is to the married, not just to the wife. So whether it is the wife that obtains a divorce, or the husband, the responsibilities and limitations in this situation are the same for both the wife and the husband who obtains a divorce.
Even after a woman divorces her husband, God still identifies the man as �her husband�, which makes her still his wife.
Be on the same page with God with regard to the availability of the divorced as a suitable candidate for marriage. This direct command stands without exception, without an expiration date, and regardless of the reason for a divorce.
Exodus 20:17 �you shall not covet your neighbor�s wife (husband)�. So God says do not look upon the divorced with desire for them to be your own.
I am not suggesting you stay physically present if you are being beaten. I don�t think God requires that any more than He would require you to participate in a murder your wife was committing, gentlemen. The same goes for you ladies.
God commands the one who obtained the divorce to remain unmarried, or reconcile with your spouse. People can�t reconcile alone. It takes two. The context here calls for abstinence, or reconciliation, which means remarriage to your spouse, and forbids marriage to anyone other than your spouse. The person put away is a necessary party to reconciliation. God is not two-faced, and telling one person to remain available for reconciliation while telling the other to go off and do as they wish. He is telling both parties to remain available for reconciliation.
It says in Luke 16:18, "�Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; AND whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery." Nothing you read anywhere else in the bible contradicts this, in spite of what you may have been told or lead to believe. The unclear verses where you think they say something that contradicts, are just that, unclear, and misunderstood. The ONLY exception is for the Joseph and Mary situation, where the marriage has not been consummated, as Jesus described in Matthew 19. Joseph could have divorced Mary because they had not consummated the marriage. Once consummated, it is until death you do part. This is abundantly clear in the Greek language, but English translations abuse the Greek and mislead people. The Matthew 5 exception is about what the husband causes, that is to say, whether or not he is at fault; not what happens or is allowed. See also Mark 10:1-12.
With much compassion and respect, I pray God heals your heart and marriage. I'm not suggesting it is easy, because it's not, and not by a country mile, but it is right.
"Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear." 1 Peter 3:1-2
These are hard words to hear. People have told you that you have grounds to divorce. God is crystal clear; TOLERANCE OF DIVORCE IS NOT PERMISSION TO MARRY ANOTHER. Those are NOT the same thing. God knows the harm it brings, and that is why He warns us against it by forbidding us to do it, AND calling it sin if we do.
"Trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart, and do NOT lean upon your own understanding(: your heart is deceitfully wicked and will lie to you). In ALL your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."
Have a good cry, and pour out your heart unto the Lord. He is the only one who can fill the loneliness and deal with the brutal loss you have suffered. I will be praying for all suffering the loss of their dream of a lifetime of marital bliss.
I pray God will bless you and protect you from all harm. May the Lord's love, grace, and peace reign always in all ways in your heart, your mind, your heart, your will, your soul, your home, your family, and in your personal ministry; your complete and entire life, Amen.
"I only have to worry about my son. Cook his meals, clean up after him, and more. My son is 4 and has done more for me financially then his own father.
Why get married and add someone's mental, emotional problems to my already busy life? Because he can help pay bills? Uh no that is not good enough. Because he loves me? No man love is only conditional. I see no benefit of breaking what is peaceful to be a part of a nightmare.
I am happy single mom and I do not want marriage.
My son needs a father? Well God is here. He need a male figure? Well God will provide him one.
God knew I never wanted marriage. I use to pray to God to give me a baby. I was told I couldn't have kids so I started looking into foster care. I prayed and even though the man I got pregnant by is a complete basket case, God gave me my son and I am happy.
His father, he is no where to be found, and I like it that way."
You have a worship problem.
You have called God a liar, and found pleasure in it. You have desired what God ordained to exist in the marriage relationship, and obtained it by sinful means, i.e., you committed fornication, which is sin according to 1 Corinthians 6. Then you mock God by saying He will provide what you actively oppose, i.e., a husband.
You have robbed your son of his ability of being obedient to God, because he cannot obey his father, as he is commanded in Ephesians 6 and Deuteronomy 5, "Children, obey your parentS in the Lord, for this is right. �Honor your father and mother,� which is the first commandment with promise: �that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.� This command reflects the necessity of having the human father in his life for his well being.
You are teaching your son that it is okay to be disobedient to God and grab what he wants when he wants it, by your example. He will suffer for your arrogance.
You say God gave you a son, when He permitted nature to take it's course. That is like saying that God wants people who jump off the side of a mountain to die. Nature simply takes it's course when you fall to the earth after jumping and are crushed by the impact.
You get married as an act of obedience to God, because He says it is right, but you have rejected the word of the Lord. 1 Samuel 15
3. "I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases." Song of Solomon 2:7
Paraphrase: Don't get your date sexually aroused if you're not married to him/her; nor have group discussions which will arouse others and entice them to sin in their hearts.
4. If by woman you mean wife, say wife, so there is no confusion, nor wandering down the wrong thought path.
5. A man can't "make" a woman love him more. This is something she must chose to do own her own. It is not gained by coercion, brainwashing, manipulation, or force. In the end, it will be exposed if it is false, and end badly.
6. A Christian serves, not looking for the return, but to bless others, as an act of love towards God and those others He created with whom He desires to have a personal love relationship.
7. If you defile a soul, and offend that person, and tempt them to sin, there is a price to be paid.
Your advice reeks of the fires of hell. We are in the world, but not of the world, and we are not to use the devices/sinful methods of the world.
