Having a Christian boy/girl relationship is important..
Posted : 2 Jan, 2015 08:54 AM
>> But a couple should also be evenly matched in the more practical aspects, having compatible temperaments, similar energy levels, and shared life-goals and interests.
>>I've heard tales of girls ... but not vaginal sex - in order to keep their 'virginity'. Methinks that's missing the point somewhat!
Yeah, I think we should look at sexual purity not lack of vaginal penetration. In which case a girl who was abused as a minor is seen as pure as a complete virgin.
Some of the talk on marriage to a virgin comes from the rules for the Levites. I'm not clear on those details.
In the New Covenant, redemption is a stronger theme than under the Old. To my mind, moral purity since regeneration takes the priority over physical virginity. I do recognize that sexual incidents have a large impact so a woman can have some difficulties based on things in her past, either that were not her fault or that she's been saved from, depending on the types of incidents under discussion. I also understand wanting to be a spouse's first "experience". That's normal and natural. But sometimes in a fallen world ... it might not be.
>>Since marriage is not made or strengthened by sex
Actually, within the context of a loving and trusting marriage, sex does strengthen the marriage. The time taken, the exclusivity, the vulnerability, the seeking to please one another, the knowledge of one another in this way -- sex is, by design, a powerful bonding force. It doesn't overpower issues of selfishness or pride elsewhere in the marriage, but it does strengthen.
How can you start/continue a relationship at the right speed?
Posted : 2 Jan, 2015 04:40 AM
>> In my experience thus far, conversing with more than 1 person at a time, gives flexibility and options...at least in this online dating genre!
That was something my parents stressed to me when I started dating ... way back 1000 years ago when I was 18. I believe it is good advice.
>>I was talking to someone from this site that I really liked, but the people in my life were starting to get concerned, and my mother said she would prefer me to date someone from within my own church rather than online.
Is your mother's eye on a particular man at your church? Could be a good thing ... or not. Are there some suitable available men there? Some of us come from very small church backgrounds. If you do too, you'll *need* to be open to someone beyond its walls.
Slowing the discussions down either by limiting the amount of time or by carrying on conversations with more than one person (or both) should help.
>>I don't see a love life in my future anytime soon, lol.
Don't give up too easily! There are good men here and elsewhere to whom a never-married woman as careful about doing right as you are is extremely attractive.
"-For him to mostly have pictures by himself, and not much evidence of guy friends/a friend group"
I guess my FB page is guilty there. I have a few pics by myself and a lot with my kids. Also I have a lot of pictures of just the children. I seriously doubt there's one picture of me with other men.
I haven't done very much worthy of pictures with groups other than family since I finished college. Sure, there's work, but who takes pictures with his co-workers? Sure, there are church work days and Christmas cantatas and fellowship dinners and times visiting with other families, but who takes pictures of those?
I'm not sure this is a valid criterion. "Hangin' with the guys" is not a sure mark of maturity.
I understand you're trying to avoid somebody who tries to be a chick magnet. But these are not all "chick magnet" characteristics.
Interesting responses. When men suggest that women who pose in short skirts, short shorts, or swimsuits are being unspiritual or carnal, they are often criticized for being Pharisees.
You may be right those are red flags ... but if so ... why aren't immodest poses by women red flags?
I'm still working on mine. I really need to pull some loose ends together and be disciplined in some areas in which I've been haphazard. I'm highly disciplined in the matters involving the family ... but less so some other places. Draft 1 looks like this.
* Be disciplined about Bible reading. That may involve reading the Bible through or it may be some other plan. But I will settle on something specific by tomorrow.
* Exercise 6 days/week. Again, I still need to determine exactly what that will be.
* Establish firm bedtime limits. I've been doing too many 4-hour nights ... and that amount of work really doesn't pay off.
* Go on at least 6 genuine dinner dates. :) More would be nice ... but geography and responsibility with the kids are limiting factors.
How can you start/continue a relationship at the right speed?
Posted : 31 Dec, 2014 01:18 PM
Limit the time you talk with one person to get plenty of time to balance the "wow, he/she is awesome" with the rest of life.
If you were dating in person you wouldn't be going to dinner every night together. You would go to one or two things / week for a while ... then build up as you moved toward engagement.
That pace allows you get to know someone but hopefully not get your reason overwhelmed by the emotion.
You can do that with online communication as well.
Speaking as a Christian man who strongly believes in the traditional gender roles -- no, I see no problem with Christian women making themselves approachable. Personally, I have no problem with women initiating the conversation.
Actually, in the examples you cited, women initiated the contact about 1/2 the time. Ruth, Abigail and Rachel all stepped up in a way that was appropriate. Ahasuerus has little to do with godly manhood. He was as pagan a king as they come.
Now, when a friendship forms that has romantic potential, I will lead in the matters of asking the lady out, opening doors, directing the conversation more often than not, etc. If I remarry, I will set the spiritual direction in the home.
But I want a suitable assistant whose wisdom and determination to follow God coordinate with mine. I want to be able to go on the occasional business trip or sleep off the occasional illness without fear that the direction will be changed. I want an assistant who will give the kids good biblical answers if she is the one they ask -- not stuff I must go and unteach. (The example that comes to mind about needing to unteach it was, "First, God is not a person". I heard that and responded, "First, God IS a person!")
I want a woman to walk beside me, not behind me. But WITH me, not AGAINST me!
I don't expect her to water my camel train, glean my field, or stop me from war in order for me to notice her. But if she comes up in a search on a Christian dating site, that helps!
