Author	Thread: If a guy became interested in you only because...
Admin	If a guy became interested in you only because... Posted : 2 Oct, 2014 06:08 PM Earlier this year I started talking to a girl on here, and I thought we were becoming friends. At least, that was my first impression, but I was wrong. She wasn't interested at all. And let me stop here for a second and say this: Ladies, if you are not interested in a guy at all, then don't send him a message! This is a dating site, and it can be very confusing if you send a message without any purpose. So, back to my story. We were having a conversation, and after about a week, she started asking me why I am interested in her ...as if I had started the whole conversation. It was her who started writing me in the first place, but now she was surprised that I was interested in her. So, her question was why am I interested in her? why am I talking to her? what makes her different than others? And I gave her an honest reply. I told her that she is pretty. Immediately after I said that, she turned against me and assumed that I am some kind of pervert. I have no idea what she was thinking, but she became very hostile in an instant and didn't ask any more questions. At first, I didn't understand why she became so angry at me. But later as I was thinking about this whole thing, I understood what happened. And I learned a lesson that day. Telling a girl that I am interested in her only because she is pretty is like a girl telling me that she is interested in me only because I have money. If a girl told me that she is after my house or wealth, my reaction would be the same. I would shut her off immediately. Therefore, I think, it is not smart to be 100% open and honest about what we're after, at least, not in the beginning. I wonder what else is there that women don't like to hear right after we meet? What kind of compliments are okay and what are not okay? If a girl told me that I have a great personality or I'm smart, handsome, funny, skillful, responsible, kind, or strong, I would be flattered. Those are nice things to hear! Post Reply
View Profile History	If a guy became interested in you only because... Posted : 2 Oct, 2014 08:16 PM I think saying that a girl is pretty is a default answer. If you've been talking for a week and being pretty is all that you could say about her (regardless of who initiated the conversation first) that you like, it may imply that you weren't paying attention to her as a person at all. imho, when somebody calls me pretty, yes, it's nice to hear too. But I can't take credit for it. It's all genetics. :) Post Reply
View Profile History	If a guy became interested in you only because... Posted : 3 Oct, 2014 12:13 AM Well, at first, we were discussing politics, and our conversation didn't start out like most conversations. We weren't asking questions about each other at first, but we were talking about our opinions and views. My assumption is that if a girl starts to talk to me it is because she is interested in me. If she's not interested at all, then why are we sending messages back and forth everyday? We were talking about all kinds of things, but my assumption was if she wasn't interested in me at all, then she would not have messaged me in the first place. I mean this is a dating site. You don't message people just to ask them, "Hey, how is the weather in California right now?" It's really nice! We have a slight NE wind and 85 degree sunny weather. "Well, good! That's all I wanted to know." LOL No matter how off-topic or awkward a comment seems to be, my assumption is we're on a dating site, so all of us are here because we want to find friends. :) Post Reply
View Profile History	If a guy became interested in you only because... Posted : 3 Oct, 2014 04:02 AM I'm just wondering, which part is a mystery for u? a. The fact that she messaged u first which may or may not show her interest in you? b. or why she became hostile after you said that you just found her pretty? With regard to A, yes, she was interested in talking to you. Otherwise, she wouldn't have messaged u. However, I cannot speak for her regarding her intentions. Eitherway, if she was interested in you romantically or as a friend, I believe that she did her part in showing it to you by messaging u first. About B, you as a guy, the 1 week exchange of messages could have been your chance to make your move if you're interested on her as well. This is an online dating site. This is as convenient as it could get for humankind to date so don't be lazy. Men are usually referred to as hunters. So when you said that you just liked her for her looks, it just seemed like you didn't even think of your response. Anyway, she's gone now. Maybe next time, you could try to pay more attention to the conversations rather than physical attributes. Don't be afraid to speak from the heart. Women are gifted to tell the real guys from the fake ones. Be brave. Don't dwell too much on whoever started the conversation. Because the true challenge is keeping her talking to you if you really like her. :) Post Reply
AriFi View Profile History	If a guy became interested in you only because... Posted : 3 Oct, 2014 08:09 AM Thanks for an interesting conversion! Post Reply
View Profile History	If a guy became interested in you only because... Posted : 3 Oct, 2014 07:40 PM "I'm just wondering, which part is a mystery for u? a. The fact that she messaged u first which may or may not show her interest in you? b. or why she became hostile after you said that you just found her pretty?" I was surprised why she got so upset and angry when I mentioned to her that she is pretty. She asked me directly why, and I just told her. And her reaction was completely unexpected. "About B, you as a guy, the 1 week exchange of messages could have been your chance to make your move if you're interested on her as well. This is an online dating site. This is as convenient as it could get for humankind to date so don't be lazy. Men are usually referred to as hunters. So when you said that you just liked her for her looks, it just seemed like you didn't even think of your response." Just because someone is pretty does not make me very excited. I have seen plenty of very pretty women who were not pretty on the inside. So, having good looks is just one thing. It's nice to be friends with someone who is pretty, but prettiness is not everything. And since I did not know much about her, I couldn't say for sure if she was a kind person or forgiving or gentle or what her character was like. All I could tell was that she looked pretty on her profile picture and she had written a few things on her profile. But that information was not enough for me to decide whether she is someone worth pursuing or not. So, I wanted to find out more about her. Then in turn, she asked me why. And I told her because she is pretty. And then she got angry. So, how do I explain this? I think, maybe some women don't like to hear that they are pretty, because they have been told by so many people so many times. And after awhile it gets boring to hear the same thing. Maybe these women are annoyed when people tell them that they are pretty. I am just thinking out aloud, just wondering... :-/ Post Reply
flyby View Profile History	If a guy became interested in you only because... Posted : 3 Oct, 2014 07:48 PM hey blue, nothing wrong with what you said, the woman probably had a fake pic and was jealous of her own fake pic. In real life I have never known a single woman that didn�t love to be called pretty. Post Reply
Pops61 View Profile History	If a guy became interested in you only because... Posted : 3 Oct, 2014 08:38 PM Hey Blue, I tend to agree somewhat with FlyBy in that a woman does appreciate being told she's pretty or even beautiful.... but tactfully! I'm no expert believe me but from what little I've gathered is these ladies tend to get a lot more mail to sift through than most of us guys do and as you can imagine have to sift through the many what is Bull and what few are genuine guys. Maybe by changing your tact in the way you want to let her know she's attractive to you may help. Something like picking a feature, let's say her eye brows... your brows remind me of fuzzy little caterpillars, so cute, makes me tingle as if I can feel them crawling up my neck... lol I'm kidding! but choose something besides "duh, because your pretty" obviously you two clicked in your discussions and showed interest and just wanted a confirmation as to why a guy like you were interested in her. Maybe you liked her eyes or a certain look that she had in her photo that impressed you, giving the impression she's wise and also easy on the eyes... I'm a sucker for brown eyes myself! Choose a feature that attracted you about her and be creative but honest and let her know you're impressed and impress her! ;) Post Reply
sisygirl View Profile History	If a guy became interested in you only because... Posted : 4 Oct, 2014 07:54 PM Hello Bluesky! "I wonder what else is there that women don't like to hear right after we meet? What kind of compliments are okay and what are not okay?" A complement will always be ok cause its a well meant statement, weather it was referred to her outer appearance or her inner most being! I don't think you did or said anything wrong inspite of the time frame of 1week. It would not have been the looks today but would certainly been a misunderstanding in something else in the near future regarding something that has nothing to do with her looks. I've observed that relating/communicating can be difficult and complicated even when people knew each other for a longer period. What you mean when saying something may not be what I hear. Already we're no longer on a same page even if you meant well or you said something bad jokingly. One additional lesson I'd wish you take from this experience is to make a habit of going back on what was communicated and double check if both are still flowing on a same page. It works for me though my friends think I'm too sensitive and cautious of little things! I'd rather have that than assuming that the joke we all laughed at was only a joke, only to find it's been personal on someone else and I didn't know. Relating is difficult cause we can't read peoples' minds, we can only assume which often doesn't work! Post Reply
View Profile History	If a guy became interested in you only because... Posted : 7 Oct, 2014 05:39 PM As women we like to hear we are pretty. Maybe she has a deep wound in her heart, and she reacted on that way :ribbit: Post Reply
flyby View Profile History	If a guy became interested in you only because... Posted : 7 Oct, 2014 07:04 PM You may be right Angevisage, thanks for the alternative view, her deep wounds and her reacting irrational could very well be why blu is scratching his head?! You are a sweetheart! ;~) Post Reply

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