Author	Thread: Why do I attract abused girls?
Admin	Why do I attract abused girls? Posted : 10 Oct, 2010 04:53 PM For some reason I seem to attract girls that have been abused or simply have low self esteem. I try to Love them and get them to realize they are worth being loved. My x said I smother, but I can't help it if I want to spend as much time as possible with the one I love. What can I do, I can't help the way I am. Also one girl said she wasn't sure if I was gay or not when she met me because I have feminin tendancies. Not sure what that means other than I express my feeling more than most guys. She got to know me and now doesn't think that, but that is what she thought when we first met. I love woman I just don't like war games, guns or hunting. Does that make me any less of a man? I don't think so. Post Reply
DEEDEE72 View Profile History	Why do I attract abused girls? Posted : 10 Oct, 2010 04:58 PM The one common denominator with you and these relationships is you. These women need to go to God for healing and to get their self worth not you. You may need to step back from dating for a while and spend time with the Lord . There may be a need in you to be needed by these types of woman...Just my thoughts I am no professional :glow: Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do I attract abused girls? Posted : 10 Oct, 2010 05:29 PM no you are not less of a man at all. The simple fact is that because you are caring women who have been hurt before are drawn to you because they see you as safe.. or that is how I see it. Turn them to God and be thier friend and someday the one you are meant to be with will come along and you will be blessed because you helped others. GBU Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Why do I attract abused girls? Posted : 10 Oct, 2010 06:03 PM No, it doesn't make you less of a man. It just makes you a little different from many men. I don't know why you attract abused girls, but perhaps it is as others have said...they see you as safe. There must be something gentle about you that doesn't threaten them. That's not a bad quality to have, but be careful that you don't allow the girls to use you as a safe shelter when they really need to go to God for comfort. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Why do I attract abused girls? Posted : 10 Oct, 2010 08:41 PM I can't speak for you specifically, since I don't know you, but I used to attract "fixer-uppers" because I felt like "saving" them would make me invaluable in their eyes, which would in turn make me more of a complete person. Maybe that's the case with you? Post Reply
springrose10 View Profile History	Why do I attract abused girls? Posted : 10 Oct, 2010 09:09 PM One out of 4 females will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. Some documentation says 1 in 3. In my personal life, 1 in 4 holds true. With that kind of ratio, it's pretty hard not to know women who have been abused. If you are a kind and "safe" person, you are indeed going to attract wounded, needy women. That doesn't mean that you are doing anything wrong, it just means that your personality and behavior meets a need in these ladies lives. How ever, you can not "save" anyone. Only God can deliver these women from their pain. Be firm about insisting that your lady friends work on their issues and don't become an enabler. Until a woman has a handle on her problems, you cannot have a healthy relationship. I commend you for looking for answers! Blessings, Rose Post Reply
cowgirl1984 View Profile History	Why do I attract abused girls? Posted : 10 Oct, 2010 10:19 PM So far I'm agreeing with everyone. Rose, those statistics are sad but true and thank you for making that point. The odds do play a big role. To add to what you were saying about how they need to work out their issues with God, no one can be happy in a relationship until they can be content being single. If you can't be happy with just you and God, how are you going to bring someone else into that? And if you are unhappy being single, and the relationship you're in doesn't work out, is your entire universe going to crash? Probably. And then you become extra vulnerable and insecure and are likely to make big mistakes. Be happy being single. That's when your prince (or princess) will fit into your life :) I like analogies and just thought of one, so no matter how cheesy it is, I'm going to say it anyway! :laugh: It's like each person in the relationship is half of a photo. If half of the photo is missing pieces, then it still won't be complete when you join the two halves. Each half has to be complete on its own before you can join them to make a whole picture! Post Reply
marikashome View Profile History	Why do I attract abused girls? Posted : 10 Oct, 2010 11:21 PM In person, I'm not sure why you would attract the people that you do. Online, you may look like someone that could be trusted. You don't have some silly macho pose, you aren't wearing a suit or a muscle shirt, and you have one picture where you're in the kitchen. Those kinds of things make me think of you as kind, gentle and considerate. Then too, you may not be meeting any more ladies who've been abused than the next guy, but because women perceive you to be more trustworthy or gentle, they may be more willing to confide in you, especially if you spend a lot of time with them (and even more especially if you pay them special attention or spend a lot of time with them from the very first time you meet). Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do I attract abused girls? Posted : 12 Oct, 2010 01:21 AM Arod, what Rose said ("One out of 4 females will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. Some documentation says 1 in 3. In my personal life, 1 in 4 holds true. With that kind of ratio, it's pretty hard not to know women who have been abused.") is really true. So, it may not be anything that you're doing; it may just be the result of this fallen world that we're in. As someone who has been abused many times over (sexual abuse as a child, multiple abusive boyfriends, and rape), I can say that there are certain qualities I look for now that are perhaps a product of my past. I've learned that the guys who say they don't like drama are completely repulsed by me and my story. And the guys who want virgins usually find me repulsive too. And the guys who demand that their girlfriends are best friends with her parents don't like me either. I've been conditioned to not even consider certain guys because of how similar men have treated me. If/when I decide to go man hunting again (lol), I will be looking for someone who isn't afraid to look at something completely hideous and to pray about how it might be used for God's glory. I don't want someone who thinks I should forget it or who thinks it's wrong for me to talk about it. I want someone who's brave and who isn't scared to face the realities of life. Maybe these girls see a little bit of that in you? As several people said, here, you must realize where you end and God begins, though... meaning that you don't have all of the resources to help these women. At some point, you have to gently direct them towards God and let Him be their healer. You can listen, and love, and pray, but you can't heal. She shouldn't expect you to and you shouldn't get frustrated when you can't! And, no, none of anything you said means that you're less of a man! Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do I attract abused girls? Posted : 19 Oct, 2010 05:10 PM Thank You for all your great answers. I guess in the past I did subconsiously want to help girls that I dated, one in particular. I need a girl who is whole in God that doesn't need lots of healing. She doesn't need to perfect by any means, I just don't want to be a fixer anymore. I want to be in love and have that special lady to grow with me in our walk with God. That's not asking to much is it? Post Reply