As I've mentioned on these forums before, I'd prefer to elope v. having a traditional wedding. There are a few reasons for this, but one of them is because eloping seems more financially responsible. Every time I hear about the costs of weddings, I kind of freak out a little!
Then, of course, there is the engagement ring, which can be quite expensive too! While I like nice jewelry as much as the next woman, I question whether spending a lot of money on a ring is practicing good stewardship.
Then, there are the costs associated with the honeymoon. While going on a fabulous, expensive vacation could certainly be fun, I'm sure, is the purpose of a honeymoon really to be entertained? It should be more about experiencing each other v. experiencing the surrounding area, perhaps? The former could be done anywhere, without needing to spend thousands of dollars.
With all those things in mind, what do you all think are some good guidelines as far as a couple (and possibly the woman's/couple's parents) spending money on engagement and wedding-related things? Are there some ways to cut corners that are generally acceptable? Other ways that would just make thing seems tacky or cheap?
Guys, please feel free to jump into this discussion, as well.
Well, the very best wedding I ever attended was done on an extremely tight budget. The bride and groom had just graduated from college the month before so they and their parents were pretty much tapped out.
The two had grown up in the same church. The church mobilized and helped with the wedding.
Decorations from previous weddings and holidays were brought up from the basement and a Sunday School class took charge of decorating the sanctuary. Another class decorated the fellowship hall. The w omens' group brought in a pot luck dinner and for desert...a couple of the women had baked a wedding cake. Yes, the cake tilted like the tower of Pizza...but it was baked with love.
For her bridal gown, my cousin borrowed a dress from another cousin. The bridesmaids all wore dresses from previous weddings. The groom and groomsmen wore black suits with matching ties. The did not all match...but the bridal party looked lovely.
For invitations, one of the mens groups had designed the invitations and then printed them. The only real expense the bride had was postage to mail the invitations. The grooms' parents paid the preacher, and that was the cost for the two families.
There were no party favors, but there was lots of love, fellowship, and great food. The marriage must have taken because they are going on something like 14 years no.
As for rings, my niece married while in college. So, I provided her and her husband's wedding bands as my gift to them. Per their request and my budget, the bands are a lovely Mexican silver. While not incredibly expensive, they are quite nice. She has yet to add an engagement ring. For them, the money is better spent on important things like food and rent.
I do want a traditional wedding ceremony, and I do want an engagement ring and honeymoon. BUT, I think I can have these things on a pretty small budget.
For the ring, I don't want anything big or expensive. Just a tiny diamond solitaire is fine with me. I have small hands, so even a small ring will look pretty big on my finger! I don't care about how flawless the diamond is, and I sure can't tell any difference in the appearance. Just as long as it's a real diamond and it sparkles! (I've heard of some guys going with cubic zirconium instead of a diamond so that they can afford a bigger ring...I'd rather have the smaller diamond than the bigger CZ.)
The ceremony can be done simply. Invitations can be bought inexpensively and printed out at home. Use simple flower arrangements or greenery, and choose pretty but less expensive types of flowers. Buy a wedding dress off the rack. It doesn't have to be a designer dress to look nice! For the reception, I see nothing wrong with this menu: cake, punch, nuts, and mints. If you feel like you need more, add a veggie and fruit tray. Again, keep the decorations simple.
The honeymoon is something that I'm still undecided on. I don't want to spend a fortune on an extravagant vacation, but neither do I want to spend my honeymoon in a hotel 30 minutes away from home. I've thought that a nice beach trip or mountain trip would be fun. There is stuff to do in the area, but not so much that I wouldn't feel perfectly content to do nothing... I know a honeymoon is supposed to give a couple a chance to get used to each other, but I sort of figure that there is only so much of "that" that a couple can do! If you plan ahead, you can find some good hotel rates in less popular areas, and the honeymoon could be done rather inexpensively but nicely.
Yep, I'm convinced that I can have it all, and have it all on a limited budget!
There is a old jewish thought (I don't think it is still practiced) the more valuable the wedding band the less valuable the marriage bond. The less valuable the wedding band the more valuable the marriage bond.
If you think about it it is true in many cases. Does one love their spouse for what they can get from them or for who they are. The same line of thought can ne carried to our relationship with God. Do we love him for what he can do.for us or because of who He is. Can we say like Job 13:15 ""Though He slay me, yet I will hope in Him."
Thanks for the responses thus far, guys and gals; keep 'em coming! Some really helpful suggestions have been offered =)
I was thinking last night about how weddings used to be, back in the pioneer days. The bride and groom wore their "Sunday best" and the church community really just came around the couple and brought potluck style-food and enjoyed a time of fellowship and of blessing the couple and their marriage. Now, it seems like it's more about throwing a big party to entertain the guests rather than to truly celebrate and bless the union of husband and wife. IF I do have a have a wedding, rather than elope, I hope to be able to honour God in the whole process and keep things focused on what really matters there.
I would want an engagement ring and honeymoon too, just nothing extravagant that made me feel guilty.
With the ring, I wonder how often people go for something other than the traditional diamond? I don't think I've ever seen someone with an engagement ring that wasn't a diamond. Other stones are less expensive, though. I wonder if most women would be bent out of shape if they received a ring that wasn't the traditional diamond? Is there a reason why it has to be a diamond? Diamonds are so, um... clear... LOL
As far as the cruise idea goes, it's a good idea, and one that I'm sure lots of couples would enjoy. Personally, I'd prefer something MUCH more private than that -- like a cabin in the middle of nowhere private.
Okay... time for me to stop talking about wedding stuff... School today. Blah.
I don't think spending too much money on engagement rings and wedding parties would be worth it. First, bigger diamond would invite more curiosity which may lead to criminality (I hope this would not be the case geez lol). Second, wedding parties would need a lot of preparations and I'm just a simple practical girl, I don't think I want to spend so much resources on that.
The most important thing about the wedding is not what happened on the big day but how the couples remember always when they made the vow of "for better or worse". Everyone knows that, sorry didn't mean to preach here, it just came naturally lol :goofball:
Personally, I find the most important things are only the blessing of the church and the honeymoon. Having no super expensive engagement ring and high budget of wedding party, me and my future hubby can save the money for our honeymoon :applause: I wouldn't need a honeymoon to the Moon (there is a hotel in Moon now built by the Russian, can't imagine the price they would put there for spending a nite in the hotel), a honeymoon in Bali would be enough for me =)
I've been to big huge expensive weddings and I've been to small inexpensive weddings. I find that people tend to have more fun at the smaller less expensive weddings...
Me personally, I want a small inexpensive wedding. I would rather spend a couple thousand on a wedding and save the 10's of thousands for more important things than vice versa. I don't know about elsewhere but around here you can easily have a wedding for 2,000 total if done correctly. The most expensive part is always the reception hall rental. Most things in a wedding can be rented rather than bought... the dresses and tuxes can all be rented. I've seen several beautiful dresses that can be rented for as low as 20 dollars. The food for the reception can be done as a potluck. Everybody brings a little something and then there is plenty to go around. If a DJ is over your budget... I've even seen a few use CD's and a surround sound stereo system for music. For me, the church and pastor would be free as my home church would provide for that.
As for a ring... I do not like large jewelry as I have skinny fingers and I think that large rings look gawdy on me. However, if it really came down to it and the love of my life was unable to afford such... I would be just as happy to use my grandmother's wedding band and fore go the engagement ring altogether
As for the honeymoon... who says it has to be extravagant? I would rather enjoy a week in a cabin down in hocking hills where I spent a week of vacation this year. The cabin I stayed at this past summer ran 98 dollars a day during the week and 118 a day on Friday and Saturday. There is a small country grocery down the road a few miles to stock the fridge and the small stove is perfect for cooking. I love hiking and when and if we decided to leave the cabin, we could enjoy nature and the beauty of the area together.
Hocking Hills, beautiful place. I am right now scanning in some old film of Hocking Hills. Not a bad idea for a honeymoon. My brother and his wife went camping in the Appalachian Mountains. They stayed in a state park and used a pop-up camper. I�m not too sure I would like that idea though, I would prefer a cabin.
I don�t get the idea of having a big engagement ring. To me it is trying to show off ones wealth, and it can create a great temptation for thieves and a safety issue for the wife. Not that I would skimp, just don�t see the point in some $4,000 ring.
While I don�t think that an extravagant wedding is completely inappropriate, just look at the week-long wedding ceremonies in the old testament, I certainly think that it is wrong to go into debt to have a large wedding. If you can afford it, and want to spend it simply because you want to spend it, then that is fine.
