How important is attraction in pursuing a christian relationship?
Posted : 27 Jun, 2013 03:05 AM
Please excuse my openness. As some of you know finding a christian relationship or searching for a spouse can be tricky to say the least. That's why most of us are on this site right? Well some of the topics I'm about to address regards physical attraction and is quite open. Some of you may not have the same opinions as me or feelings.. But please don't judge me for being honest. My question is how important is physical attraction in a God centered relationship?
A little background on me: I am a young woman saving myself for marriage. I am doing so to honor God and my future husband. Resisting temptation has not always been easy. But I have kept myself pure to honor the promise I made to God and for many other reasons. Although I have kept myself pure physically, I'm sure everyone (if they are willing to admit it) has lusted against someone in at least their minds. We all sin.
My thing is.. Since I plan on only marrying once, and I'm keeping myself pure until marriage.. When in a christian relationship is it or is it even appropriate to discuss sexual desires in the context of if the couple were to get married? Because I'm going to be honest since I only plan on having one partner, I don't want there to be a huge hindrance when it comes to desires. Sex is an important aspect of a marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:4-5
"For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
If there are major differences in desires between a couple then there can be problems in the marriage. Wives are not to deprive their husbands. Husbands are not to deprive their wives. It works both ways. I've not really heard of when it is appropriate.. But I definitely don't think the couple should just leave one another in the dark until after the marriage. Married couples should not deprive one another. So being in sink with one another I think is important.
Also how important is physical attraction? I mean it fuels whether or not the couple will desire one another sometimes right? I'm not saying that looks are the most important thing. Because I've become attracted to certain guys after I got to know them. But how important should it be?
How important is attraction in pursuing a christian relationship?
Posted : 23 Jul, 2013 09:52 PM
The original question was "how important is attraction?" And I said that it is quite important for me. I am sorry if you find my answer wrong or "unacceptable." But the truth is I am not here to please everybody or to say what everybody wants to hear. I answered a question as honestly as I could. Period.
It works like this: If a girl is ugly, I can't even detect her on my radar. She can be a famous celebrity, have the most amazing personality, or the fattest bank account, but if she is ugly, she has no potential. And that's the way I AM. I can't speak for others, but this is how I am.
And this is not something I can change about myself. It's like my eye color. I cannot make my eyes green or brown. Got it?
If you criticize me for being "shallow" then you're just wasting your time.
Now, what is ugly and what is pretty depends on the individual. Each person finds different qualities attractive. And I am not going to go into the details here. But let's just say this: Men are not looking at women's clothes or makeup. You can put on brand name shoes and wear the nicest sweater to a first date, and those things are not nearly as important as you might think.
Men and women look for different things in each other. By default, women are attracted to a man's personality. And men are attracted to a woman's outward appearance. This is a fact.
We are Christians, and we're expected to say, "Nah, outward appearance doesn't matter at all. What really matters is what's on the inside! That's all that matters!" LOL
The truth is that everything should matter. But men notice outward appearance FIRST. Can we change this? No. Whether we like this or not makes no difference. This is how we were created. Can't help it.
How important is attraction in pursuing a christian relationship?
Posted : 23 Jul, 2013 10:14 PM
"amazingly you don't even show us who you are or what you look like"
Yeah, I am not here to impress anybody. I do have several photos on my profile, and if someone is interested, I will send them. My pictures are invisible right now, because I'm not an active member. I wanted to delete my profile some time ago, but I decided to keep it...
"no one perfect exists...except Jesus Christ"
I know that. And I am not looking for a perfect person! I'm just looking for a unique person who is like me. And I am not willing to change my list just because somebody doesn't like it.
I find it strange that you are making fun of my list and how I don't have a photo on my profile. Is this Christian behavior? Christians ought to treat each other as friends and relatives, instead of making fun of each other! That's not nice!
How important is attraction in pursuing a christian relationship?
Posted : 30 Jul, 2013 09:47 PM
Outside attractiveness isn't very important. Ive known some very attractive people, but on the inside, they seemed as dark as a coal mine. Once, I had a neighbor who was, lets just say she wasn't beautiful on the outside. My brother and sister-in-law were visiting when she came over. I invited her in and as she approached my brother's wife, she (brother's wife) turned to greet her and physically flinched at the site of my neighbor. Inside, well, we should all be as sweet and generous as my former neighbor. As my mother once commented, "She has a beautiful soul".
How important is attraction in pursuing a christian relationship?
Posted : 6 Aug, 2013 09:33 PM
I can only speak for myself.
But, I will say I was not attracted to the man I ended up marrying--at least not at first. Back then, we were just friends, so it did not matter what he looked like.
The more time I spent with him, the more feelings I had for him; fond feelings.
After about a year, he kissed me, and that changed the relationship from friends to something else.
We got married shortly after. But even that did not last. After only 2.5 years, I walked in on him with another woman. That ended any trust I had in his ability to be faithful.
So, I don't think it matters, either way; but if you are attracted to a man, I think it might be harder to resist the temptation to get physical before marriage.
I applaud your wanting to remain pure for your husband! You are truly honoring God with your body when you do this! Keep the faith, sister!
How important is attraction in pursuing a christian relationship?
Posted : 7 Aug, 2013 04:42 AM
As men our Ladies should be a 10 in our eyes all of the time even we know that their are more beautiful women out there than she. You see... seeing your lady as a ten always says to her you are looking with eyes of love and not of lust.
No woman wants to be lusted after but all women want to be loved.
How important is attraction in pursuing a christian relationship?
Posted : 7 Aug, 2013 05:09 PM
13Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. 14But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.
How important is attraction in pursuing a christian relationship?
Posted : 11 Aug, 2013 07:16 AM
@ IWallAlone..
Brings back memories of when my Pastor gave the translation of lust.. which is what you've written. We forget sometimes that the bible wasn't written in English and the same word in different reference doesn't always have the exact same meaning, The word poor is example. Anyway; there's " lusts" of money, power, fame, etc. from what I read and there are lusts of flesh (flesh in the biblical since), from what I read.
That is my some one who lusts (sexually-desire/crave) for someone their not married to sins.
How important is attraction in pursuing a christian relationship?
Posted : 11 Aug, 2013 11:56 AM
I recently began a relationship with someone who is fairly young in the faith. I did not realize exactly how young until we were already dating, so he didn't fully understand my desire to wait for marriage. We speak very openly about the subject of sex because it is necessary for us to understand each other, our feelings about love, about marriage, and about commitment. I think that each relationship is a little different and requires a different approach. To be sure, the idea of being able to share ones feelings openly is part of what makes a relationship precious. I would say simply that you need to keep everything in context. Love will increase your desires for one another, even as you practice abstinence and propriety. Keep it in the context of what is hoped for, but do not go into detail, because that will light a fire that you might find difficult to put out.
