I know this question has been posed several times but I'd like to try. What is it that you guys think an average (dedicated) Christian guy of any denomination is really looking for in a woman? If you're planning to answer good looks, can you be specific? And if you plan to answer "godliness" or "obedience" can you give an example of what that looks like? What would detract from an attractive woman? What qualities or flaws (and can you give examples?) would turn you away from her? This is a question that's plagued me for a while.
I would like to know what you think about the general Christian-male population's preference and/or your own.
This is also in part a personal question because recently I've had a couple people recently challenge how feminine I am and my ability to attract men, and while I believe they said what they did out of spite sometimes we are most honest when we are most angry and it has made me curious.
For me personally, I want to see Christ in her. I want to know that she has a true love for the brotherhood, compassion for everyone, and strong moral values.
I like to think that I will not let physical beauty into the equation. I think that a woman's inner beauty will shine through. Some of the most attractive women I have ever seen were not physically beautiful, but had such a beautiful heart, that you had to love them.
Thank you very much for your response. Could you be a little more specific? What does Christ in her look like? What does it not look like? And, what does love of the brotherhood (I'm guessing this means her Christian brothers) look like? Obviously I can imagine extremes of Christ-like-ness and love (i.e. always serving never saying anything bad and never getting angry or being ungracious, or always defering to and complimenting and encouraging men) but I have no idea how a man would guage this in a regular(flawed) human woman. Thank you!
One great way to see this is to watch her when she is at church. Does she glow with joy and love for the Lord? Is she friendly when people are not watching? Anyone can put on an act for a while, bit you will see the real person after a while.
By brotherhood, I meant all Christians, male and female. Does she really feel their pain, or is she judgmental and harsh? Everyone has a bad day, but does she try to make it up to people she offends? Does she really love these people?
Trying to ask what a "christian" man is looking for in a woman is like asking what flavor of icecream is everyone's favorite - there isn't going to be one. While there are some things that can help, people are so incredibly different in their walks with christ, and even what they think a walk is in the first place, that putting small limits on what a guy is looking for is just not practical, imo.
As for looks, typically culture can answer that for you. What do most american guys like to see: not fat, moderate tan, typically shoulderlength-ish hair, melons that exist but arent watermelon size, a height that is usually a couple inches shorter than themselves. Looking around at current trends in fashion (typical maybe college fashion, not actresses, as actresses tend to dress extravagant and revealing) can often tell a person what kind of clothes might go good together.
As for personality and beliefs: This is where everyone will have hugely different opinions, but some strong issues if you're actually looking for a real christian spouse- someone that actually cares about their christianity, goes to church, doesnt drink (typically), a girl that isnt domineering nor always trying to have the last word in the relationship, and likes to joke around and have fun. I would say these are the most basic things for a lot of guys, after that its up in the air and often depends upon the person and denomination.
Personally, one would think that with the internet now finding one's spouse would be a trillion times easier, but ive noticed that internet dating still has a huge stigma to it so many people dont use it; and as well, things need to be in God's timing. God may purposely hide our future spouses for a longer period of time so that both are more ready for the relationship when they do meet. I have found enough activities to keep me fairly busy and happy, so that Im not too worried about meeting a spouse right now, even though im open to it. Also, i know that the probability of any random girl being "the one" is basically statistically 0%, because if she is going to be a really good fit, there just wont be very many of her, because God made everyone so very different.
And, personally, i dont think that the incredibly good-looking people have it any better. In fact, I think its possible they may have it worse. They have to weep over person after person after person being attracted to them and willing to date them, only to find out after getting to know them or being in a relationship with them that they just wasted all that time on the person, and they go thru that cycle often times over and over and over again. At least the average looking people save the extra heart energy and money not being stuck with wrong fits all the time.
Gourd, thank you for your comments. They certainly seem logical, and they're encouraging as well. I suppose I often get the impression that there is this single 'thing' that Christian women are supposed to be pursuing, a certain way of dressing and doing your hair and talking and smiling, like we're all supposed to be Stepford wives.
I've been known to say "I think you're wrong" or raise my eyebrow and said "really?" when a guy says something particularly stupid or in blatant disagreement with the Bible and I'm not afraid to debate it in order to hold my point. This specifically was pointed out as a "turn off" by a gentleman at my church recently who said "men don't want women who are so opinionated, they want ones who are just a little bit less smart than them." I was surprised because my brother always seemed to crush on girls who were, like, head of the debate team, and my father wouldn't respect me if I couldn't hold my own in an argument.
As I don't have a lot of experience with men outside of my family and a few, very geeky, male friends I didn't know if this was a general consensus and something that I should try to adhere to or just this guy's opinion. Would I be more likely to find a loving mate if I just acted a little dumber and bit more easily lead on? Is it a sort of trade off?
From your statements though, I'm guessing it was probably an opinion held by some, but not all.
To tell you the truth me personally I am looking for a woman that puts her trust in God and is faithful. Of course you have to be attractive on the outside and in. It's is tough because I also think that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, one man may think you are the most beautiful girl in the world while another may not be that in to you. Honesty is another good quality to have, nobody wants a liar. Ladies just tell the truth I don't care where you live or how much money you have. Sometimes you try to hard just be patient and wait on the Lord. He will bring the right man into your life at the perfect time, you try it on your own then you maybe you will make mistakes while if you wait on the Lord, you know he will never make a mistake.
Great question. I'm looking for a woman who lives like she means it, loves like it will last forever and laughs at everything in between. Life is too short to get caught up in specifics. I understand this is a Christian dating website so maybe more is expected in terms of spiritual beliefs, but honestly the fact that you are looking for a Christian man proves to me that you have the qualties of a Christian woman or at least understand the importance of Christ's love in a relationship.
It is nice to know the different kinds of things different gentlemen are looking for and I think you have a great set of things you're searching for. :)
The same things non-Christian men look for, plus having Jesus in your life. Men like different things, but I know you want a more diffinative answer. I can only speculate what most men want. For the most part: Someone not too overweight. Not too tall. Knows how to wear makeup.
As for me I like "girly" girls, long hair, wears very feminie clothes (not jeans & t-shirt) open toed shoes with painted toenails. I actually like tall women myself, but short ones are nice too. As long as their teeth and hair are clean, and they don't have anything weird on their face I think you are good to go.
Personallity wise, I like a woman who is confident and does not play mind games.
Be who you are in the Lord, and he will bring you the right man. If you wants to wear jeans and a t-shirt do it. If you want to wear skirts and blouses do it. Be who you are in the Lord :ribbit: He is the most important.
