When it comes right down to it I was reduced to nothing but an object, a body .
I felt like everything I presented before him of who I am was of little importance .
I had provided two pictures that show me from the shoulders on up so he could see my face and my eyes and my hair! He must have liked what he saw or he would not have wanted to speak on the phone.
I guess this should be of no consequence because Im speaking of a man who has many many pictures of himself on his profile and he also has gone to the trouble to make a 30 second video of himself with more pictures in all different outfits to make sure you get a good look at him!!
Red flag # 1 I chose to dismiss.
Why didnt it occur to me that beneath his cloak of who he said he was; he was showing me who he really is and what is really important to him!
I had viewed a profile of a man who seemingly wrote a impressive profile. It had all the bells and whistles I look for. He seeks the Lord and isnt just a fan and he serves the Lord through a ministry that suits him at this time in his life. Creative writing as he puts it! Ha!
He just wrote it in such a fashion that it drew me in and my hopes were raised that just maybe just perhaps there was still hope for me to find a man whom I could come to trust,admire and respect.
We spoke on the phone for about an hour mainly of spiritual things and he even asked if we could pray before we started to chat.
Everything was going really well. I thought maybe I had FINALLY found a match with knowledge of the Bible. Not that I know it all but my experiences with conversations with "christian" men and them having no knowledge of Gods word is daunting.
He commented on how he could discern my passion for the Lord and my truly seeking Gods heart. He could tell that I was who I said I was.
Then he dropped the bomb.
"Could you send me a pic", he said.
I was taken aback! I told him I had provided two already wasnt that okay? He said "No! I mean a full body pic" He said that he just needed to see if he would desire me. At this point my heart dropped because I knew that he really isnt looking for a beautiful heart first and foremost! He isnt really looking for a woman that is thirsting after God first and foremost.
He is looking for a hot bod. So all the other qualities I have were diminished to nothing in minutes.
Wasnt he looking for beauty in my heart above all? Wasnt he looking for a woman who could serve the Lord side by side with him? I mean his profile states that he is! His profile states that the heart is more important than looks! So why within an hour into our first conversation does he need to check my body out?
Dont get me wrong. I have nothing to hide but the man contradicted what he wrote !!! I thought he was different . The funny thing about it is : He wanted to talk on the phone because he said he could discern ME better. That "creative writing" is not a way to get to know the real person! That was Red flag# 2 that I chose to ignore!
Basically what he was saying is that writing back and forth was a way for someone to hide who they are. Funny isnt it that it was he that was hiding his true intentions.
The Moral Of My Story:
God revealed this man to me. Not once! Not twice! But three times!!!
Sorta reminds me of the story of the man on the roof of his house with the flood waters rising and God sent the man three ways to escape but yet he didnt recognize the help was from God so he drowned!
Good thing I jumped at the third warning huh? Ha!
God never ever fails me. He is always right on time every time.
God loves me and he wants his daughter to be with a man who loves me for my heart and my love of Jesus!!
If I had moved on after I viewed his "video with the romantic music" I could have saved myself the irritation and disappointment.
Next time Ill be looking for the sticky note stuck on the computer: You are worth it! Dont ignore the red flags!!
Just think ,I could have been doing my nails and eating ice cream.....
Rambo: Im not being hypocritical nor am I spitting in Gods eye. What an ignorant statement.
Im saying that there are levels on importance. The guy saw two pics of me. That has always been enough for men in the past until we knew each other a bit better.
Levels of importance! Timing!!! Men that are pushy end up with nothing.
Rambo Ive had too many years to test the waters unfortunately.
Maybe you should state that you only want to date blind men - at least then you could be sure they weren't desiring you based on your looks...
Seriously, I think (IMO) you have some hang-ups that are going to make dating difficult and/or stressful for you: whether a guy sees your pic right near the beginning, or never sees it at all, if you're going to have a relationship then he's going to see your body (clothed I mean) when you meet up. The only way to avoid it is never to meet but then you're just wasting time.
Now you may not like being judged in this way, but if he finds you physically repulsive - regardless of who else thinks you hot - then he's not likely to marry you, even if he's quite happy to have you as a best friend or prayer partner or confidante. That's not being shallow, that's being realistic and beauty very much is in the eye of the beholder. Basically you've written somebody off not because of any spiritual reason but because you weren't willing to show him what everyone around you can already see. You spoke to him on the phone for ages - he knows you've got a brain, he can tell you love God, so he's hardly reducing you to just a body, in fact he's doing exactly what you are - ticking off a mental checklist to see whether he sees any kind of future together with you. And your reaction to what most others consider a reasonable request has told him there isn't.
Hidden, not to chastize, but it seems you were jumping into that one, the stupid vid would of scared the double hockey sticks out of me! what�s he thinking, see the vid, commit to marriage! I can only imagine the anxiety you went through leading up to watching the super daters vid! I admire your courage, and the vid couldn�t have been too bad it got him two more strikes!
I don�t know about the nails but it was probably an objectable substitute for the ice cream. ;~)
Hidden can ya refresh me on the �the man on the roof of his house...three ways to escape�? rings a bell but I can�t place it.
I'd call an hour chatting (presumably constant/uninterrupted as it was on the phone), and especially to someone you've not met, quite a while - maybe not by women's standards, but certainly by my own, and I suspect that of many guys. Heck, I don't remember ever talking that long on the phone to anyone, not even family or friends. And sorry but I still disagree that asking for a photo - that shows no more than your neighbours or work colleagues see every day - is somehow a spiritual problem. If you'd had such a photo on your profile, or sent one when asked then this wouldn't have arisen and you'd be able to take the time to get to know him and if needed, called it off for something less trivial.
fellas this is like beating a dead horse! I am sorry please forgive me but I am done here! I am a bold buried in Christ follower for Christ! This is small potatoes and I should not have fallen to my flesh and expressed my feelings! I despise my flesh!! It was a weak moment and this is foolish to drag it out!!!
What is important in the NOW:
God is moving through the remnant.
There is much work to be done for the kingdom. We have seeds to plant for God glory to save the lost and to bring the lukewarm back to Gods will.
We have the world falling apart right before our very eyes! The season is now! We need to get our house in order and educate people about storing water and food and taking care of our family and those all around us. I am busy!
By the grace of God I have been put in a position to herald what is important. Jesus Christ is at the door but we know not when. But we do know we are in the season and time is short. Look around.
I pray you are walking in the spirit and have placed yourself at the foot of the cross to serve Christ Jesus and noone else brothers.
I will tell the Christian woman, most men in the church aren't going to find you physically attractive. You would be fortunate if 1 out of 10 men would find you attractive. For most, it would be between 1 out of 30 and 1 out of 50. So, you shouldn't expect the vast majority of men to seek to get to know you.
Looks get you in the door, and after that, as he gets to know you, your interests (if you have some in common with a man), spiritual qualities and past lifestyle will keep you on the inside.
It really is common sense, but for whatever reason, most parents don't educate their daughters to know these simple facts about men.
And you should not want a man who doesn't find your body attractive. Do you know why? Because then he would have to fantasize about another woman's body just to get aroused to have sex with you in marriage. That is a waste of the man's time and yours, and just setting your marriage up for adultery, so be "thankful" when a man is honest with you and tells you there is no physical attraction, so he has no interest. If you fight against this as a woman, you are asking for a bad marriage that will end, in most cases, which means you are asking for failure before it starts. Use common sense, please. Stop being so desperate, as so Christian women appear to be. Instead, get in shape, stay in shape, exercise regularly, get into sports, if you have athleticism, and start reading godly books on marriage and men so that you learn what a truly godly marriage is all about. A great book to start your future reading list with is: His Needs, Her Needs, by Williard Harley, Jr. This was a top 20 Christian book for over 20 years and still is one of my favorite.
