Well, It looks like mr perfect here may have run into a snag with the lady.
I have been married almost my entire adult life and I really really really held onto my marriages, my first wife was insanely abusive for years and our marriage about drove me insane.
My second wife and I were together for almost 9 years and she left me 5 times and cheated on me 4 times, and finally left me for another guy she met online. Our marriage was really hard, she turned out to be a pagan, and was just about impossible to reason with, and still i held on until the bitter and and refused to give up.
I joined this site sometime ago (10 mos?) and since then met a gal who I hit it off with like instantaneously. I have 5 kids, she has 4, we have so much in common its insane, from our pasts, to our past relationships, to our faith and feelings about stuff. Its like a match made in heaven.
I am not somone who *dates* I court, and I made my intentions to her pretty early on that until we decided whether or not our relationship was going to end up in marriage, I was going to discontinue any current chatter with other women on here or anywhere, And I had quite a few gals who were showing some genuine interest in me at the time.
Well, sure enough we met in real life, and we were cruising along and we decided that we felt it was the lords will that we works towards marriage. Now I am a VERY intense guy, and I think some of the people on here who know me from other places, such as myspace and who read my blogs can tell you I am anything but shallow, and I treat every area of my life with serious concern, and when it comes to how I express my feelings about my lady and relationships you wont find many guys who are as serious as I am, or perhaps just vocal about it express it with great accuracy and detail.
Well, she and I spent months on end talking CONSTANTLY on the phone, day in and day out and hardly went an hour at times without a short call to say hi or check in or whatever.
She finally decided, in preparation for our being together she was going to move back home to her home state, quit her job and move in with her mom to save money and such, and we are about 4 hours closer to eachother. In the last week she has been in final preparations and has been very busy. And on my end the intensity of the discussions of marriage and the future, expectations, etc, have reached an almost feverish pitch. WE have talked ALOT about marriage and life together, so its not like I all of a sudden started saying I LOVE YOU YOU HAVE TO MARRY ME or anything all of a sudden.
I have been going through some INSANE stuff as well, with work and family, dealing with getting custody of my kids, finding out my older brother is dying of cancer, and it has all been in the last week, so we are simultaneously going through alot of changes and with her with 4 little kids and living out of a hotel and taking her son to his final baseball games before the move (at times 3 or more in a day) she hasnt been calling me.
Also earlier this week, I have not been sleeping well, so I doulbled up my ambien, (which is a new perscription i am not used to anyway) and I had taken some cold medicine too and I was on the phone with her and got really wacked out. I was telling her how much I need her and how I need her to be with me through all this stuff, she I guess I must have come off as a real dork or something. I was very stressed about money, because I, like the rest of the country right now and having financial problems which i am NOT USED TO. But since that night, I think it was wednesday, she has not been answering my calls, and when she does answer it is only for a few minutes before she hangs up, says she will call back, and never does, all night long. This is like going from black to white over night.
I am used to dealing with wacked out women (not that shes wacked out), but not in a *dating relationship* I dont know how to handle this to be honest. I finally got her on the phone for a few minutes this morning and explained to her that it must have been the combination of the drugs and stress that made me so needy and demanding the other night, and she said, OK, then the phone went dead (shes in a hotel and gets bad reception on her cell) and I havent heard from her since.
She is leaving tonight to leave kansas forever, she has lived there 2 1/2 years, and is going home to missouri now.
So tell me girls, do I just let her get through all this, get settled, back of, pray, or do I keep calling every 5 hours or so and try to get her to explain all this? WHat does this mean? I know what it would mean if I didnt call, didnt return calls, didnt answer calls, Or i think I know, but it would depend i guess. this is pretty weird after 5 months.
I just hope I can snap out of this funk and stop just staring at the cieling despondantly, all 5 kids are gone today and its my sons 3rd birth day so I am just not to happy right now. arggg
Ok Alex, I am going to be frank with you. Here is some big sis advice. Am I older than you? Lemme check... Ok, age-wise, no, but since girls are 5 years older than boys same age, I AM OLDER. So here we go�
SNAP OUT OF THIS mystery. It is NOT portion in Christ. We are not like the world, comfortless.
Remember where your affections should be? On heaven above, not on earth below? Hey listen, I have been hurt. Super duper hurt, so I do not underestimate your hurt. But hurting in a love relationship must make us go to the source of the LOVE THAT NEVER FAILS.
It sounds like you have not really let GOD totally HEAL the wounds from the past. I assume so, because you reference it pretty often (and I didn�t read posts in details too). Please let HIM heal you. ONLY GOD HEALS. No woman can. There is a God vacuum in every heart. Accepting Christ fills that vacuum, but we must continually accept him day by day, to leave HIM in that space. Once you replace His presence with any other affection, you are prone to being forced to find him again. In your case, I do not mean backsliding, but the intimate relationship that only CHRIST gives.
"'m just going to wait and pray and leave it in the lords hands. I just hate being so powerless.�
�and how dare you - a son of the MOST HIGH JEHOVAH � how dare you use the word �powerless� to describe yourself? Have you let go of control to God? If so, then you are ALWAYS in the POWERFUL position. But if you still struggle with control and haven�t let go of it all to FATHER, then you would feel powerless.
�This OH MY GOSH I COULD BE LOSING THIS PERSON AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY OR WHATEVER, this is for the birds�
Yes, it is NOT for God�s children. I challenge you to put your focus on God. Have you observed the greatest photographers? With correct lens focus on the subject, the background always compliments beautifully. Think about it, if they focused on the background, it will be such a messy picture. That�s what I sense is happening here. FOCUS ON GOD. The background will fall in place. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God�
That�s the rod, now the staff...
I know it hurts when you love someone, so I am sorry you are hurting but you MUST place your affections in the right place. Please, dear brother, let God heal you and let the devil stop having a laugh in your mystery.
I love you in Christ! NO STRINGS ATTACHED! I just hate it when people hurt in the heart.
from your description of the events you may sound needy, and from your profile, you should be needy. i observe another issue and that is the coping of your situation and "need" to find help / support. This may be the real reason why you sound desperate.
Bottom line is no one on this web site knows all the facts to give advice. I'd recommend seeking professional help to figure out where you are at and how to get to where you want to be. This is at least your third serious relationship. Unless you figure out how to change yourself, you will end up with the same results. Or something like that... it's the info i've been hearing when relationships end and one partner blames the other for their actions and failed marriage. We all have to consider re-actions to our actions.
don't call, give space, take kids out for ice cream!
I'm probably a bit late in this but I can give you a bit of insight from her position...well me in a similar position anyway.
I had met this awesome guy online, we had one date chatted in IM's and talked on the phone occasionally, daily online for the most part.
After our 1st date, my life turned upside down, we were going to have to move out of my family home, a home my family had lived in for over 30 years, I grew up there. A lot of stuff was pack ratted, so there were rooms full of boxes of stuff that belonged to my parents, my Grand parents and my Great Grand parents, nobody wanted to help much in the packing process. That was extremely stressful for me, then there was trying to find a new home, my job of almost 15 years that decided to get a new computer system and all kinds of fun stuff. I had about 8 weeks after our date to deal with all of this, no chance for time off to deal with the house stuff. So basically my day started at 5am, off to work, home to pack until bedtime. This went on for weeks. Once I was up all night getting ready for the movers to come get the appliances and big furniture, then I had to go to work. My stress level was higher than it'd ever been at this point.
By the time, all the moving was done, and I was moved in with my daughter and grand daughter I was close to a break down, having absolutely no me time having to work weekends at that point because of the new computer system at work, which really stank actually.
What happened to my relationship with the awesome guy?
Well he decided that it was because I didn't like him that I was no longer eager to chatter at him online or talk for awhile on the phone, even though I tried to tell him during all this how stressful it was...basically he disappeared.
So maybe she does just need some time to settle in relax and regroup stress can be a killer of many things. I had to get away for awhile, took a couple days and went to the beach all alone, no demands from anyone just relaxing and resting with the Lord, it did me wonders. But still the guy is long gone.
Right now even thou I am not dealing with a relationship at this point. I just have recently been seeing what I seen so far with relationships including my past relationships, how it starts off as young (not by age) but first starting in the blossom process we all have when we first get involved with someone by getting to know that person new love is seeded.
it either grows together in long life times until it is time to die (as if together still and by death). or it developes stunt growth as if (stopped action) maybe from no devotion or passion for its life to grow the relationship stops being cared for the growth which still dies but apart and alone. It takes work...real hard times good times old time new times (her past your past to deal with) it work....
I bring myself to remember how Jesus said that he is the vine and we are the branches and how the Father is the pruner (gardner) we are being pruned to get better in growth to fluroish by learning and growing about one another WITH one another Loving one another .(His Bride) his LOVE....The Believers.
We are troubled but not forsaken.(forgotten) when he see's one of his hurting and in pain, i just picture him (the groom) stopping and taking care of that pain that can stunt the growth with his great understanding of how he would deal with solving the process of getting yu back to blooming again. He carried a heavy cross up a hill (death)was waiting for him to die for me so i wouldnt be apart from him. I am glad that Death will not put me apart with my Lord and Saviour. That is the marriage I can look for in all HOPE that will never end at least I have that. I hope this is taken as just encouragement because that is all I felt you needed at this time, my advice is just for my own life if I have any at all. It would be to look up and remember the WORD any part of the Bible you'll always find an answerto your troubles and choices to make and then, Pray.... tknchances
Cattleman's right -- back down that INTENSITY monitor and let her call you. An by the way, have you REALLY given yourself enough time to heal from your last marriage? Seems like you ought to consider doin that before you jump into something else. Just a thought.
