Well, It looks like mr perfect here may have run into a snag with the lady.
I have been married almost my entire adult life and I really really really held onto my marriages, my first wife was insanely abusive for years and our marriage about drove me insane.
My second wife and I were together for almost 9 years and she left me 5 times and cheated on me 4 times, and finally left me for another guy she met online. Our marriage was really hard, she turned out to be a pagan, and was just about impossible to reason with, and still i held on until the bitter and and refused to give up.
I joined this site sometime ago (10 mos?) and since then met a gal who I hit it off with like instantaneously. I have 5 kids, she has 4, we have so much in common its insane, from our pasts, to our past relationships, to our faith and feelings about stuff. Its like a match made in heaven.
I am not somone who *dates* I court, and I made my intentions to her pretty early on that until we decided whether or not our relationship was going to end up in marriage, I was going to discontinue any current chatter with other women on here or anywhere, And I had quite a few gals who were showing some genuine interest in me at the time.
Well, sure enough we met in real life, and we were cruising along and we decided that we felt it was the lords will that we works towards marriage. Now I am a VERY intense guy, and I think some of the people on here who know me from other places, such as myspace and who read my blogs can tell you I am anything but shallow, and I treat every area of my life with serious concern, and when it comes to how I express my feelings about my lady and relationships you wont find many guys who are as serious as I am, or perhaps just vocal about it express it with great accuracy and detail.
Well, she and I spent months on end talking CONSTANTLY on the phone, day in and day out and hardly went an hour at times without a short call to say hi or check in or whatever.
She finally decided, in preparation for our being together she was going to move back home to her home state, quit her job and move in with her mom to save money and such, and we are about 4 hours closer to eachother. In the last week she has been in final preparations and has been very busy. And on my end the intensity of the discussions of marriage and the future, expectations, etc, have reached an almost feverish pitch. WE have talked ALOT about marriage and life together, so its not like I all of a sudden started saying I LOVE YOU YOU HAVE TO MARRY ME or anything all of a sudden.
I have been going through some INSANE stuff as well, with work and family, dealing with getting custody of my kids, finding out my older brother is dying of cancer, and it has all been in the last week, so we are simultaneously going through alot of changes and with her with 4 little kids and living out of a hotel and taking her son to his final baseball games before the move (at times 3 or more in a day) she hasnt been calling me.
Also earlier this week, I have not been sleeping well, so I doulbled up my ambien, (which is a new perscription i am not used to anyway) and I had taken some cold medicine too and I was on the phone with her and got really wacked out. I was telling her how much I need her and how I need her to be with me through all this stuff, she I guess I must have come off as a real dork or something. I was very stressed about money, because I, like the rest of the country right now and having financial problems which i am NOT USED TO. But since that night, I think it was wednesday, she has not been answering my calls, and when she does answer it is only for a few minutes before she hangs up, says she will call back, and never does, all night long. This is like going from black to white over night.
I am used to dealing with wacked out women (not that shes wacked out), but not in a *dating relationship* I dont know how to handle this to be honest. I finally got her on the phone for a few minutes this morning and explained to her that it must have been the combination of the drugs and stress that made me so needy and demanding the other night, and she said, OK, then the phone went dead (shes in a hotel and gets bad reception on her cell) and I havent heard from her since.
She is leaving tonight to leave kansas forever, she has lived there 2 1/2 years, and is going home to missouri now.
So tell me girls, do I just let her get through all this, get settled, back of, pray, or do I keep calling every 5 hours or so and try to get her to explain all this? WHat does this mean? I know what it would mean if I didnt call, didnt return calls, didnt answer calls, Or i think I know, but it would depend i guess. this is pretty weird after 5 months.
dear tristan ,, my friend, i believe ifn it was me id back off some.. let her call you.. if you came off as needy then ya gotta show her youre not. and if you go callin and buggin her now im affraid she will feel pushed and she will run the other way.. give her time. if she liked you that much to start she will come back around i do believe..
Does she still have access to her emails while in transition? If she does, I would write her a very comprehensive email with another 'apology/explanation' and clearly stating desire for the future. I would also tell her to please call when she is ready. I wouldnt bug her with calls on end anymore. That could push her away even further.
Thanks guys, I'm not good at this stuff, chasing after a girl and all. And I am still really tender from being so badly hurt for so many years by my ex.
I have also been very honest about that fact from the get go, even stating really particular stuff in my profile, which is still there if you go look.
Anyway, I'd appreciate all your prayers, I dont take stuff like this too well anymore and get a little impatient and want to fix everything right away.
And no she doesnt have email right now, I will just wait for her to call.
I think the advice you got so far was good. I agree with the others, if I were you I would wait and just let her call you. It sounds like she could just be very stressed out with things as well.
I know that there are times when I will ditch calls from everyone (not at all to be rude) - but just because I rarely get time alone and when I do it's just my time to read the Bible, think, and just get some odds and ends done, etc. And being a Mom of four, I doubt she has little to no time alone (as I'm sure it's the same for you though).
I wouldn't jump to bad conclusions about the situation. It just sounds like she has a lot going on and maybe she needs to get her head straight and have some good time to think. Sounds like you both have hectic schedules with all of the kids involved.
I agree with everyone else. It seems she just needs some time to work things out. It's a big transition for her, especially with 4 kids to think about. I'd give her a little breathing room, but if a week goes by without hearing from her, I'd give her a call just be sure she's alright and let her know that you're still there for her. When you call, if she doesn't seem to be very talkative, then maybe just keep it short but assure her that she can call you at any time and that you will wait for her to figure things out on her end.
i agree with the rest,just give it sometime for the dust to settle.We all get worked out and stressed,and push away the people we care about.but i will keep you and this lady in my prayer.GOD has given you the gift of love,because not everyone can keep on loving after what you have been through with your previous relationships..i pray that God provides someone for you who can love you just as much and as deep as you love them... have a lovely day god bless
First, Im glad that she is moving out of the motel and moving home! That should be a safer place for both her and the kids. It takes a lot of time and effort and saying goodbye to people to move away like that. It also takes a lot of courage to move home.
It would be my guess that she is busy.
The other part is being needy and intense can scare any woman away. If you call her and write her and constantly touch base with her, taking her away from spending time with her children, it can be, well, scarey.
all that being said... write her one letter saying that you understand that she needs time, you are hapy she is moving home, that you are willing to wait for forever with her and to call you when she has time. Then, shut your profiles everywhere down. if you ean forever with this girl like you say, there is no reason to be looking at any other cookies in the jar.
Well, I called her this mornin and left a message just saying I was confused and didnt know what her actions mean lately, and that I feel it is odd to go from talking every day and planning marriage and being together for 6 months to within a weeks time not talking hardly at all. I just asked her to call me, I said I didnt expect some long explanation, or to fix anything, just that It was hurting me to not have any idea what is going on, why her actions changed so drasticly. Then I assured her I love her and will wait for her to call. I wasnt all needy or anything, just showing my concern. Still havent heard from her though.
I just think in a christian relationship you should never intentionally hurt someone, especially after they tell you they are hurting. Just very out of character.
And as far as having profiles up, I shut down my other one as soon as I began to court her a long time ago and only kept the one up here to talk on the forums and to male and female freinds I have made here. She knows this one is here, and it says I am only here for freinds and have already met someone. So she doesnt care. Having never cheated on anyone, I am rather the trustworthy guy. Anyone I talk to on here, I make sure they know I am involved and only interested in talking about the lord, or kids, and will not discuss anything romantic, or that would lead to it.
I'm just going to wait and pray and leave it in the lords hands. I just hate being so powerless. I seriously never did like guy/girl stuff for this exact reason. I really only stand strong commitment and forever, that makes sense to me. That has firm rules you can apply and rely on. This OH MY GOSH I COULD BE LOSING THIS PERSON AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY OR WHATEVER, this is for the birds. Especially after loosing two marriages I thought would be forever.
Man - that's rough! I'll let the ladies speak - they don't have that short circuit in their brains us men do that disables the portion enabling us to understand women.
But - being an OCD/intense guy who's had to watch other guys like that do stupid stuff with their intensity; the ladies have spoken wisely.
I'll pray for ya man. That's rough - I know exactly how you feel. You said your piece, let her make the next move. She may be dealing with stuff and stress on her end you don't know about.
