Thread: What makes me dis-qualified from eligibility?
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What makes me dis-qualified from eligibility?
Posted : 13 Aug, 2009 09:58 PM
I may be in Shell-Shock already, but as the battlefield clears, I find it laid waste and desolate, and me alone with a virtually empty weapon. Analogy of course, but what divorce has done is unavoidable as are a few things. My questions are in a long-form. The main gist is that what I am beginning to believe now, is that all I have gained and then lost are now my dis-qualifiers. You all tell me (Please).
Here is how I see it. 1. I am Divorced. 2. I have children. 3. I am providing for 2 households. 4. I have no house. There are other (petty) things that seem to move me further from the eligibility list, like being short, driving truck, living in Central Washington, but the main list seems to drive women away.
Q: Do men in this predicament really come across as high-risk?
Q: Do women see these men as freeloaders? Looking for a sugar-mama?
Q: Are we seen as maybe not being able to be a good provider/protector? ( or anything)?
Q: Are we suddenly unstable? unlovely?
Q: So, what's the point of this if I am looking and have to remain single?
I can only change so much of my circumstances, and it takes time. I know anybody single with children is a big stop. But for a man, it seems 10 fold. A friend of mine is on marriage #3 to a Korean girl, he met in Korea. He was tired of American women and their princess mentality. We are too independent.
Q: How many women are following their heart? God's word on (all) this?
Q: How many women are NOT following the Western view?
Q: Do you all just feel too uncomfortable? Maybe thinking we are too weak to be a man? Or at least a man of YOUR dreams?
I submit to you all that this is very, very frustrating. I'm looking for honesty---not pity. :)
Brother, I know you want the gals to answer this, but look, I am 36, I've been divorced twice, I have 5 kids, my job is sometimes great and sometimes not, my finances arent all that great lately and I am struggling to pay for my VERY STUPID expensive house. But I have had no trouble intitiating and having relationships with good women. I have a wonderful woman now as a matter and fact. She digs me for who I am now, not my past, not all these goofy things, I am certainly not ideal right now.
And I asked her, like, why me? Not because im not confident, I actually tend towards conciet, cockiness, and such things (which the lord has to RIDE me about all the time to keep me out of my own clouds) but I asked her, why me?
The list of things she gave me had NOTHING to do with any of the stuff you mentioned. It was all about heart and soul, and how I am a great dad and romantic, and loving and this and that.
Those things you listed are not disqualifiers, they are merely hurtles YOU need to be ready and willing to help any potential woman who will like you to get over.
be up front and honest, but not too much too soon, don't scare them off imediately with your list, and dont talk about negatice junk all the time, stay focused on the GOOD things left in your life. And I see alot of them, when I read your list.
The right woman will accept you for the right reasons, as lef by God, at the right time. but let me emphasize this -> DO NOT FOCUS ON THE NEGATIVE THINGS IN YOUR LIFE!!! especially in your conversations with anyone potential. Focus on THEM!
Brother, I know you want the gals to answer this, but look, I am 36, I've been divorced twice, I have 5 kids, my job is sometimes great and sometimes not, my finances arent all that great lately and I am struggling to pay for my VERY STUPID expensive house. But I have had no trouble intitiating and having relationships with good women. I have a wonderful woman now as a matter and fact. She digs me for who I am now, not my past, not all these goofy things, I am certainly not ideal right now.
And I asked her, like, why me? Not because im not confident, I actually tend towards conciet, cockiness, and such things (which the lord has to RIDE me about all the time to keep me out of my own clouds) but I asked her, why me?
The list of things she gave me had NOTHING to do with any of the stuff you mentioned. It was all about heart and soul, and how I am a great dad and romantic, and loving and this and that.
Those things you listed are not disqualifiers, they are merely hurtles YOU need to be ready and willing to help any potential woman who will like you to get over.
be up front and honest, but not too much too soon, don't scare them off imediately with your list, and dont talk about negatice junk all the time, stay focused on the GOOD things left in your life. And I see alot of them, when I read your list.
The right woman will accept you for the right reasons, as lef by God, at the right time. but let me emphasize this -> DO NOT FOCUS ON THE NEGATIVE THINGS IN YOUR LIFE!!! especially in your conversations with anyone potential. Focus on THEM!
Isn�t there something about all us that disqualifies us as the person of preference for somebody? Simply because each individual has their own specific list of things that are acceptable and unacceptable in regards to who they choose as a mate. However, we�re not trying to make the ultimate connection with everyone but just that certain one. One is all we really need-one that willingly sees the bad and the good, the challenge and the opportunity to share a life with you.
...and you ALL are so right. I hope you will all forgive me for being so broad in my paintbrush stroke. (Emphasis on broad, huh).
I have to clear the cesspool of past wounds, and never mean anything to come out wrong. I am sinful by default--no excuse. I have had this hand of "injustice" since I got married. Just sorting it all out...! I have found this site to be the ONE place :) that is more opposite-is-true. THANK YOU ALL. If it is anything like the Army doctrine of Shoot, Move, Communicate; I have to learn how to move and communicate. I am not trying to shoot anybody :(
The whole Princess Mentality is an open field. I think I am hurt the worst by that because my ex really believes she is the "princess"....and the old school princess or prince was a spoiled, self centered brat. Maybe that can be a forum, as it has some really good implications for us all to mull over. I would LOVE to dote on one of you and treat you like the REAL princess you are....ZOE!!!!! (etc!) -------Please dig through my ca ca and see the real me. I am fine, but obviously very wounded. You all come along and have been dressing my wounds.
I mostly wanted to say sorry for hitting the soft spots. I need this communication. More later.
Q: Do men in this predicament really come across as high-risk?
No.
Q: Do women see these men as freeloaders? Looking for a sugar-mama?
No, (for those factors you mentioned anyway)
Q: Are we seen as maybe not being able to be a good provider/protector? ( or anything)?
No. Many of use want a true connection, a life-long partner, a friend - and at least for me, those count & are high on my list
Q: Are we suddenly unstable? unlovely?
No again. Wounded and a bit depressed sounding, but not unlovely or unstable.
Q: So, what's the point of this if I am looking and have to remain single?
Again, depressed sounding...
" A friend of mine is on marriage #3 to a Korean girl, he met in Korea. He was tired of American women and their princess mentality"
Your friend sounds a bit jaded - but that's no reason for you to buy into his opinions. Perhaps hanging around more positive people would be nice.
Q: How many women are following their heart? God's word on (all) this?
Huh? Christian women or all women? And (just curious) why do you ask? Do you want to know your odds? Who can know that?
Q: How many women are NOT following the Western view?
Again, for your odds? Impossible question. I can answer a little bit though... at least one. :)
Q: Do you all just feel too uncomfortable? Maybe thinking we are too weak to be a man? Or at least a man of YOUR dreams?
You know you sound to me like you are sad, depressed and not fully healed.
I would never ever think that of someone unless they really believed those things in themselves. Who am I to say that a man who thinks he is weak for a man is not? You know yourself best, projecting who you really are is the key to what a women will see in you.
Okay, Okay!!!! PLEASE NO MORE.....lol? I could have just asked what you might consider disqualifying. I stepped on a landmine, huh. I am so embarrassed and I can't hide.
Brother I think you need to let God heal you. You have been hurt deeply, I can see that, but there is life after divorce. (or death) The only way to get to where you wanna be is to go THROUGH what has hurt you. Before the Hebrew children could enter the promised land, they had to come out of where they were, and go through the wilderness. You have been brought out of your marriage for some reason or another now let yourself experience the hurt, pain, distrust, abuse, abandonment, or whatever, and get out of the wilderness. There are many women out there who have children of their own that would welcome yours into her family. That is if she really loves you. BUT,... you have to be whole.
Sandy, that is why i sent Dave the, Let Them Go mini sermon on his post entitled Mr. and Mrs. Smith (something like that) because i sensed that he hasn't let go and therefore is not whole. Brother Dave, two ladies have already sensed this from you. please take note and take time out to just let it all out and let go of your hurts, pains, regrets, anger, disappointments, etc. so you can heal. you do not want to bring your past issues into a new relationship, it won't work.
i urge you to take some time to break down in the presence of the Lord and allow Him to gradually build you up, reshape you, and mold you to a new Dave. allow Jesus to renew your mind, your heart, and your soul.
may you find comfort in the hands of our Lord God Jesus Christ. Amen.
