So I have been on the site for a while. One problem I have run into is what to say when I am first messaging a girl. I've tried a little summary of what I am looking for, just a "Hi, how are you?" and everything in between. What are you girls looking for in a first message?
I agree with godlymom2...ask something about what she put in her profile. We like it when you show interest in who we really are, not just our pretty face :rolleyes:
The following will come across as a great first message to me:
- Introductory paragraph (hi/hello/whatever)
- 1 paragraph about yourself, repeat profile content is ok (IMHO)
- and 1 paragraph to ask questions about him/her. show interest. read his/her profile.
Any indication of "production" messaging is a turn off. you know, like its a factory. quick in and out - trying to message as many people as possible. I think if you cant invest in a relationship, move on. Its like job applicants that send a generic cover letter and then mistakenly forget to change the company name. he he he! immediate decline.
A wink is another general turn off. IMHO. What do you expect in return to a wink? this is not like a paid site where you have limited membership rights. I can see why you'd use a wink in those situations.
Finally, the heart of wo/men is soooooooo deep. I am learning truth to the Scripture that only God has the key! you may try everything right and still not have an explanation for certain observations.
I'm rather new to the whole online dating/friendship/relationship thing. That said, here are my opinions. I had an awkward (maybe you would even say bad) experience on another site and can tell you what NOT to do! Here goes:
A guy sent me an IM while I was online, and to be polite I chatted for a few minutes. I could tell he wasn't the one for me based on our conversation and his profile, so I politely (I hope) ended the chat and hoped that he would get the message by my "professional" attitude. He didn't get the message. Instead, my inbox was soon filled with messages, prayers, scriptures, etc. When I didn't respond to each one within a couple hours, he got offended and asked what he did wrong. To make matters more awkward, he wanted to IM me everytime he saw me online and wouldn't take no for an answer. I had to disable the IM feature, which of course meant that fewer people contacted me, and eventually I gave up on the site altogether. I considered reporting him, but I was not regularly contacting anyone else, and it was easier to find another site.
I guess the moral of that story is this: Don't become an online stalker if someone just politely chats with you!
Now on to the good things to do: I like to receive a real message rather than a wink. Winks are fine, but then I feel like the ball is in my court and that's awkward for me. I like for a guy to point out something we have in common, add a little info that is not in his profile, and comment on something he found interesting about me. Keep it short, and (at the risk of sounding insecure in yourself) allow me an "out." This might be as simple as saying "If you think we might be able to be friends, just hit reply!" That lets me know that I can just ignore the message if I want to without feeling guilty.
