A Catholic girl and a Jewish boy were very much in love, but it appeared the match wouldn't make it because of their religious difference. The girl was very unhappy, and weepingly discussed her plight with her father.
"Why don't you sell him on Catholicism," suggested the dad. "Tell him all the wonderful things about our religion. Perhaps he'll change his mind."
Weeks later, the girl had what she presumed would be her last date with the Jewish boy. When she came home, her dad was sitting up waiting for her. The girl, sobbing, tried to go to her room without even speaking to her dad.
He stopped her, 'Just a minute, dear. What happened? Couldn't you sell him on Catholicism?"
Oh, you and your stupid suggestions," she snapped between sobs, I oversold him. Now he wants to become a Catholic priest."
After God created Adam, He told him it was not good for man to be alone. He said He would make him a companion. She would be perfect, would cater to his every need, would always laugh at his jokes, have a killer body (and wouldn't care if he let his go), be a master chef, would never mind when he wanted to play golf....but it was going to cost Adam an arm and one of his legs. Adam thought for a minute and said, "What'll you give me for a rib?"
The girl was walking down the street when a voice cried out, "Stop." And a safe fell right in front of her. As she stood on a corner a voice called out, " back up" As she did a bus roared around the corner and would have hit her.
"Who are you", she said.
"I am your guardian angel, and I am here to make sure nothing bad happens to you. Do you have any questions."
One day, a woman found herself at the Gate of Heaven, waiting to get in. While looking through the Gate, she saw many people having a good time, including family & friends. She wanted to be with them. Some of them noticed her standing on the other side of the Gate & welcomed her to come & join them. Peter came to the Gate & greeted her, �Hello, what can I do for you today?� �Well,� the woman replied, �I�d like to join my family & friends here. It looks like they are having such a good time & I want to be with them celebrating too.� �Okay,� Peter said. �But first you will need to spell a word.� �Great,� the woman said in turn. �I can do that. What is the word?� Peter asked her to spell the word �love.� �Oh, that�s easy: �L-O-V-E�.� �Good,� Peter said, �you�re in� & with that, he opened the Gate & she entered Heaven & joined her family & friends in the celebrations. A couple of months went by & Peter approached the woman asking her if she would watch the Gate while he was away, explaining �I need to be away for a short while & I need you to watch the activity around the Gate. Can you do that?� �Sure,� the woman replied. So, away Peter went & the woman took his place at the Gate. She hadn�t been there for more than 20 or 30 minutes when someone arrived at the Gate. When she saw it was her former husband, whom she left behind, she said, �What are you doing here?� �Well, let me tell you . . . remember the nurse who was taking care of you in the hospital before you left? She & I got married! And remember the old dump you & I were living in? I fixed it up & sold it for a good price & together with the sale of her property we invested in the most luxurious home, absolutely wonderful, just like a palace built for two! I even had some insurance $$ when you left, so we travelled all over the world, staying only at the finest accommodations. We were at one of those places relaxing by the pool & I decided to go for a swim. The last thing I remember was hitting my head on the side of the pool & now I�m here. I want to get into Heaven.� After listening to his story, his former wife said to him, �ok, but first you must spell a word.� �Ok,� her former husband replied, �what is it?� She said, �Spell: Czechoslovakia.�
The cowboy,new in town went to an affluent chuch after unloading some horses.
The preacher came down to see him after the service and said he wasn't dressed right for their church. He advised him to ask Jesus how he was to dress.
The following week the cowboy came in the same clothes and the preacher came over to him before the service started and asked if he had asked Jesus what to wear.
The cowboy said he had a long talk with Jesus and also asked what he should wear. Jesus told him He wasn't sure what to wear to that church, because He had never been to that church.
A man is walking along when suddenly he got his foot caught in some railroad tracks. He tried to get it out, but it was really stuck in there well. He heard a noise and turned around to see a train coming. He panicked and started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop drinking!"
Nothing happened, it was still stuck, and the train was getting closer! He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out and I'll stop drinking AND swearing!"
Still nothing...and the train was just seconds away! He tried it one last time, "God please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit drinking, swearing and smoking." Suddenly his foot shot out of the tracks and he was able to dive out of the way, just as the train passed. He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said... "Thanks anyway God, I got it myself."
